Thursday, June 4, 2009

Adoption Blues

You would think after 7 adoptions, we would be well rounded in the ups and downs of the process. But somehow, this international adoption feels much more overwhelming.
We seem "stuck" in the homestudy phase right now. We assumed (incorrectly) that the Social Worker would be completing his paperwork on our behalf as we completed the construction projects that we are working on to make room for our new additions. However, after the first visit from the SW, we heard nothing until the day of his scheduled second visit. Of course, at the time I opened my email, I was not expecting him to put us off, and we had gone to all the trouble of preparing for a guest to visit, when in all actuality, he had decided much before the appointed time that he wasn't coming. The trouble was, he did not tell us that!! So, to handle the last minute disappointment, we went to the local steak and salad bar, and drowned our sorrows in all the fats we could handle. Even the kids were disheartened that we would not be having our second homestudy visit when we expected it.
So, the rest of the visits are now determined by the projects being completed before the SW returns. It seems to us that he could have done his work while we did ours, and then make the final visit as a "let's see what you have finished" type visit. We are really discouraged that we have been working soooo hard, and the projects to finish do not even have anything to do with where another child would sleep, eat or play!
I know I am anxious to meet our children. I am ready to move on and out of this horrible paperwork phase. I am feeling the tick tock of time moving quickly past us, and I am concerned that our next children will not have to languish in the orphanages too long, waiting for the process in America to be completed so the Ethiopian government can complete their process. It's frustrating to be so out of control of a situation, and dependant on the time frames of other people. I want to know what child is coming, so as I paint his/her/their room, I can decorate it especially for them. I want this paper pregnancy phase to be over, so that we can go through the labor pains and onto the growing years!
Sigh. It is hard to hand it all over. But one night last week, I took the names of the waiting children that I had prayed over and hoped for, handed them back to their loving Father God, and released my emotional hold on them. Will that matter to them? Not really. Will it matter to their government or our government? Nope. But in my heart, I felt like I was trying to keep God in MY BOX under my timing, in my own way. I had to pray that He helped me trust HIS sovereign will in the lives of these children, and that HE would continue to prepare us, and the children we need to bring home will be steadily kept in HIS hands until we meet. It was a big emotional step for me, and I think it brought me more peace.
I am determined to trudge ahead. I want to focus on the joy awaiting us when our children come home. I want to trust in HIS timing to make it all what it needs to be for our family. And more than anything, I want to be able to say, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this path we are walking is exactly where we need to be, at this time, in this way. Because I believe it to be true.
Little children, we are coming. It is our hearts desire to make it to where you are so we can complete our family with your smiling eyes.

1 comment:

Debbie said...

I feel your frustration. This is our second adoption and I expected the home study phase to actually be easier this time around. Silly me!!! It took twice as long and was 5 times more difficult. As you know, it does end.