Monday, October 24, 2011

a Heart Divided

Today I feel like my heart is completely divided in so many different places!

My oldest daughter lives the closest, but I haven't seen her in more than a week. She has college courses, a husband, a ton of animals who squeak and sqwauk for her attention. I miss her.

My next daughter lives in Oregon. She will be joining me next month for our African Adventure to bring the newest ones home. It can't happen soon enough for me! I miss her and wish all the time that she was close by.

My son lives in Puerto Rico. His wife is more like a daughter to me than she realizes, and those beautiful grandsons live in the sunshine and rain there. I get pictures all the time, and am thankful for the daily interaction on the computer and cell phones, but boy oh boy, I sure do miss them all.

My kids are all in school now, even baby B goes half days. It seems like I could get alot done at home during the long days, but usually I get started on something and have to remind myself to stay with a project. I miss the noise and lonliness when the kids are gone.

My baby boys are in Africa. I wonder if they will remember me when I go back, and if they will ever understand how long we have waited for them, and how much we have gone through to make this plan happen. Will they be completely overwhelmed, or will they know the places we have created for them in the family, and fit right in just perfectly?

So today, I sensed how many parts of my heart has been divided,and how many impossible miles separate me from all my babies. It will be wonderful when we can all be together someday, all under one roof, and share together in this big family.

My heart is divided, but I look forward to the day all the pieces fit back together. Whenever that may be.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Something is Missing

I hate it when the house is in disarray and we can't find things. Working on getting things ready for the boys to come home has me scrambling at times and saying more than once a day, "Now where did I put that?"

Organization is one of my most loved skills, but don't look at my house to find it!

You would think planning on adopting these two angels for the last year would mean I had plenty of time to get it all in order, right? Not so much! Let's just say I spent most of that time on paperwork, mental stability, and more paperwork. It has been the longest road of my life, and we are finally coming to the end of that road.

At dinner the other night, Nicole (almost 14) sat down at the table, looked around, and said, "It really doesn't seem like there are that many of us anymore. It really feels like someone is missing, doesn't it mom?"

Now, to be honest, two highchairs have flanked both sides of the table for the entire summer, and no one can enter our home without seeing the photos of the boys lining every empty tabletop in the livingroom. Although we have anticipated their arrival, it is now feeling like things are just not right until the babies come home. It consumes my waking thoughts, and Bella spends alot of time talking about "our precious babies." Mere draws little brown babies in blankets with sweet words of love encircling them, and Tommy even plans to share his trucks with his new brothers. Still, it was nice to hear the perspective of one of the older kids, and the reality hits home that much harder.

My flight is booked. Jennifer, my older daughter from Oregon, has her flight booked. I have my visa, shots, medications. She is ready, too. I know where I am headed and what to expect, thanks to my initial flight in August. It will be exciting to have Jenni with me, and viewing the things I have already seen through her eyes again. Introducing her to her newest little brothers, and watching their bond begin. Seeing the world from a different standpoint than where we are right now, and seeking ways to further elliviate the suffering of our african neighbors.
Spending time with my far distance daughter, and loving the time to reconnect on another level.

Then, realizing that in a few short weeks, our lives will include 2 more lives, two boys who will begin a new chapter, two souls who are worth every bit of investing we can do to make their lives better than where they started. And it's just about time to begin that new journey. Together. Forever.

Yes, Nicole. It does feel like someone's missing, but they will be joining us very soon, and our Christmas this year will also include the thankful hearts of all of our family for the two little babies who will be the best gifts we could ever receive.