Monday, May 16, 2011

Of Frogs and Princes

The Frogs are out.
Or In.

Meredith loves critters. Any kind. All kinds. Bugs, worms, butterflies, frogs and toads. Especially toads and frogs.

This must be her favorite time of year. The frogs and toads are everywhere. Every day after school gets out, she heads to the back yard, lifting rocks and finding all the hiding places of the frogs she found the day before.

A rainy day is devastating to Meredith, because it means she can not roam the yard looking for her friends. I think, however, the frogs are loving the rainy days!

I usually hear a "whoop". Then the back door slams, and Mere's feet across the tile floors, bringing her newest friend to show me.

"Not so close, Mere. I prefer seeing them more than three inches away from my nose."

"Oh yes, Mere, I believe that may be the same one you played with yesterday!"

"Wow, a baby frog! Maybe you should find his mommy and get them back together."

"No, he can not live in your room."

"As a matter of fact, he needs to be outside. Now."

"Well it may be a girl or boy frog. It's hard to tell with frogs."

"Yes, sweetie, I am quite sure if you kiss him he will NOT turn into a Prince."


Life is so beautiful when you can catch a frog and believe in the impossible.

Diabetes Diatribe

I hate diabetes. I hate being diabetic.

I have watched various family members struggle with controlling their diets, their sugars and their insulin. It's time consuming, self absorbing, and emotionally defeating.

I have spent months trying to lose weight. It is always one of the first comments out of the doctors mouths. OK. So, I have worked really hard to lose 60 pounds. I am proud of changing my eating habits and increasing my exercise. Success!

But it has not been enough. I am still having a hard time controlling my sugars.

I really don't want to live on insulin. I hate it. I hate how I feel on insulin.

I don't mind taking the oral meds, since that just is easier to deal with twice a day. But my bloodwork proved it has not been enough. Fortunately, there doesn't appear to be any negative effects from my sugars running too high. I can feel my feet, I have no damage to my eyes and my internal organs do not seem to have suffered yet.

Except the doctor can not approve me to fly to Liberia.

That hurt. That devastated me. We were suppose to fly in July.

Immediately, the kids faces floated through my mind. They need me there! They need to come home! I feel like I have betrayed them.

And my body has betrayed me.

So, I regrouped. I am checking my bloodwork 4 times a day again. I am seeing a new doctor this week. I will do my best to overcome what my body is dealing me right now...

Mike asked the doctor what we need to do to change her opinion of when I can fly. It's looking like 3 months at least. Maybe August? Maybe September? It really will depend on how well my body responds to the new plan.

I hate that. But I will continue to do whatever is needed to get those boys home.

But something I wish the doctors would understand about diabetics, is that we are not lazy. We are not trying to sabotage our lives, and we know better than you that we want to be healthy. We understand how difficult it is to live with diabetes, and if you are not diabetic, you have NO idea how hard that is. A doctor may have the technical knowledge of our disease, but living it out is much more difficult than you know. Watching other diabetics lose their eyesight or a foot is sobering. It's constantly in our minds when we take a bite of anything.

I work hard, I struggle daily. I know I can't win this battle called diabetes. But I will keep fighting it every minute.

And I know that in spite of this disease, it does not define ME. I am a child of the King, who has purposed in my heart to follow as He leads me. I believe it is a part of His huge plan to bring home my two little boys from Liberia.

Diabetes will not defeat me. I will hate it and fight it with a vengeance.

Monday, May 2, 2011

A Hair Appointment

My niece and I are going to get our hair done tonight. It has been one of those weeks where the gray is showing up more. Somehow, gray on my head looks far from sophisticated or mature.

My mom grayed early. She has the type of hair anyone (except her!) would love. Thick, naturally curly, and fast growing. She always had dark hair, but tried coloring it as she aged, but truthfully, the gray has looked the best by far. It's such a pretty color white now, and full enough to flow nicely even though it has thinned.

My dad has nice hair too, but stick straight, thinner now that he's older. It is mostly gray, but it truly does look wonderful on him. My brothers all inherited my moms thick, curly hair, while I got dads straight, thin mane.

Yeah, I hate it. I always felt like I got cheated out of mom's good hair.

Today, I realize I will never gray to white as nicely as hers. So, I am headed back to the beautician.

This is my dilema, however. What should I choose?

My hubby loves red hair. Flaming red. I have had several shades and he loved them all, but it's too hard to keep red looking great between colors. Red's out.

Black. There is something mysterious about black hair, and the time I had it, most people complimented me. I don't really require that, because I like different things all the time, but a compliment is always nice! I felt too much like my mom when I was black.

Due to the black, I also tried various browns. I have probably had one shade of brown most of my life. But it's too predictable, too boring anymore.

Blondes have more fun. Well, I don't know if that part is true, but I have found that a lighter hair tone is easier to balance my makeup routine on, and, it actually hides the gray when it's beginning to peak through.

Oh, the choices. It would be easier to turn back the clock of time, than to pick the perfect hair color.

But tonight, I am in the mood to be different. Who knows? I have yet to try green or purple. Or pink....

It could be that I would find the perfect color tonight, and never want to go back to basics again.

One of the least complex decisions I have had to make lately. I think I like that part the most!