1935 -2012. Resting peacefully

My dad died on fathers day, June 17. We gave him a celebration service on the 22nd, in the church where he grew up and was married, and where he made his peace with God in the final weeks before he died. We buried him in the local cemetery where he had purchased a lot. Now we figure out life without him. For months dad had talked of dying. With congestive heart failure, deteriorating kidneys, and diabetes he tried so hard to control, life had become too much of a struggle for him. He had a hard time breathing, and even walking was a chore. He had come to my house to celebrate my birthday on Tuesday, 5 days before he died. I just figured a doctor appointment would shape him up and we would continue loving time with him for a while longer. But then he was gone. I think my brothers and I will never forget his last day on earth. He had visitors the entire day, laughing, telling stories, receiving hugs and kisses. Even without the ability to breathe comfortably, he never complained. He was kimd to the nurses who cared for him, and he let us all know he was ready for eternity. He died with such grace and dignity. And then he was gone. When I Saw him right after he passed, my grief was intense. I just couldn't fathom he was really gone . The week of preparations for his funeral was pain filled and intense. Different brothers took their various rolls, taking turns protecting mom. We were able to express our tears at his passing and our love for each other. This would become our new norm. The last few weeks since dads death has been overwhelming. We have been going through dads office and sorting the unimportant vs. the important. My oldest brother has taken over organizing the bills and insurances, my second brother has agreed to work at selling their extra vehicles, and my little brother and I have been gathering items for a garage sale. Mom moved in with us, and this is life. I sat in dads favorite chair this weekend. It was the closest I will come on earth to getting one of his big hugs now. I want to bring the chair to my house, mostly because I can not imagine anyone who would buy it second hand getting any amount of satisfaction out of it more than I will by having it occupy a corner of my home. He is not there, but I could sense him so close when I sat in his chair. We all know that dad is at peace. He can breathe, run, laugh and love all of the family that reached glory before he did. Gramma and grampa and brothers all there, reunited in one heavenly hug that makes me long for the day when we all wil be together again. My brothers and I have talked, and we wouldn't wish him back here to the human life of bad health and suffering. Our only loss is on our side, not his. I miss my dad, and always will. I am so proud of the generous and beautiful life he lead, and thankful that of all he left us with, the most valuable was his love of stories and laughter, and smiles til the end. His nieces, nephews, cousins, aunts, uncles, sisters and inlaws all know him and remember him in their own ways. Mom, his wife of 56 years, remembers him her way. My brothers, each have their memories. Me? I have his smile in my minds eye, and all the wonderful ways he loved me to hold close to my heart.