Responsibility

I have a beef today. It has really been brewing for quite some time, but it takes me a while to get it all sorted out in my heart.
It's about responsibility.

I have to start by saying, I am glad my parents were wise about teaching me responsibility. At the time of being a teenager, I probably resisted it. I remember a time I had bought some special shampoo with my own money, because what my parents bought just wasn't good enough for my own hair, and I left it in the family bathroom. Believe it or not, my little brother used it more than once, and I felt that wasn't fair. When I complained to my mom, she reminded me that everything I had ever needed was provided for me and if I bought anything that I was not prepared to share, I needed to keep it put away.

What I learned from that point in life was two-fold. I needed to view my "things" as an opportunity to share or be responsible to keep them put away. If it's out, it's expected to be community property.

How does that transfer to my parenting? Even though its not sinking in all the time well, this is how: my teenagers do their own laundry. Most of the time it's the clothes we purchased, but they have to keep them washed, dried and put away. They don't pay for any supplies, the electric and gas is provided, as well as the soap and softeners. They each get 2 nights a week to accomplish this task, and all they are required to do is to be respectful of the laundry that may already be in the appliances, and follow them through the cycle.

This is where it fails. I go down to the laundry room, and they still have a pile of clothes in the washer. Wet. So, they sat in front of the TV for the evening, and never followed through on their responsibility. Or, the basket of my laundry was pulled out of the dryer or washer, left heaped in a basket, and they proceeded to do their own thing with no concern for what it has done to someone else. That ticks me off. It is ONE of the only things they are required to do without fail, and it's for THEMSELVES and they still can't follow through.

So, I reminded each of them last night, I am not their slave. I have fed them, clothed them and cared for them all. They are each able to fend for themselves in the laundry room and they are creating more frustration for me when they dont' take responsibility for this ONE aspect of their lives. I have told them if I find any of their clothes in the dryer I will personally bag them and throw them away.

Yeah, I am trying to teach responsibility. This week it worked. The dryer is empty today.
Small steps.

I don't normally believe in parenting with such force. Afterall, they are just teenagers, right?
I have to tell myself as I am training them, we have such a small amount of time left. I have 3 teenagers right now, 15, 14 and 13. I keep watching them grow taller, wiser and older ! The time left to influence and train them is going by very fast. My 7 kids at home each have challenges, carry-overs from their families of origin. We deal with RAD, FAS, ADHD, and social issues. Behaviours can be frustrating, and as much as they look normal, each of the kids carry baggage from past hurt and trauma that makes their paths even tougher to negotiate. I could excuse alot of what they do, but instead, I really want to train them up to be their very best!

No one will do their laundry when they leave here. No one will feed them when they are hungry. No one else will be picking up after them. Adulthood is looming largely in front of them all, and they have much to prepare for. Laundry is just the beginnng.

I hurt for parents who are still babying their grown kids. I hate it that in this time of their lives, they are still figuring out how to get their adult children an education, or a home, or babysitters for their children's children. I am all for helping the helpless. But I really strive to be the parent who is conscious of training them while they are home, and setting them off for their futures prepared to excel.

I have three grown kids, married and thriving. It's not that I was a perfect mom, or that we haven't been through struggles. But I am so very thankful that they have learned responsibility from an early age, and when they make choices, they know they will be responsible for the outcome. I believe it has helped them be good citizens, employees and spouses.

Whether anyone else agrees, I see the huge benefits of learning responsibility at an early age. And the funniest part is, my 10 year old is already asking, "When do I get to start doing my own laundry?"

I dont' think its time yet, but I am glad she's already prepared to take that next step into responsibility for her personal life. That makes me proud.

End of sermon.