Praying

The weathermen are calling this Juneuary this year, due to the unseasonably warm weather our Michigan weather is thowing at us right now. I don't know about others in our area, but I am really sick of the ups and downs. I suspect now that we are in February, it is gonna get really icky and cold!

Speaking of colds, we have all had them. It has been the worst season for us all being sick with the upper respiratory junk, and today we have 2 seeing the doctor today. Tommy has had a ton of asthma issues this week, and is now being treated for a sinus infection. Missing 3 days of school is not as bad for him as some of the others would be, because he will catch up easily. Bella has been in school all week, but has been miserable. No fever, but told me in the night her ears have bubbles and hurt. Oh boy. We will get that appointment done at 4 today. And tomorrow we celebrate her 5th birthday, so its a shame for her to not feel good enough to enjoy that!

Mike took Tyler to the emergency room yesterday. He met him at school after a call that said "eye injury in machine shop". Oh how scarey! Fortunately, the foot that caught his eye did not carry any contaminants, and altho there is a split in his eyelid, no stitches. It was sore last night, and pretty puffy this morning, but the CT scan showed no internal damage. Wow, he is determined to mess up his face!! He has now had at least 2 broken noses, and several black eyes. I told him his modeling career will have to wait...

The rest of us are just treading water. The wait for my return to Africa continues to be delayed. It is painful, at best. I told a friend yesterday that I wish I could get this waiting thing down to a graceful and peaceful attitude. I KNOW God is in control. I KNOW He has a perfect plan. But since we were all geared up to bring the boys home in December, January drug by as painfully as possible. We have fired our original adoption agency, and are pursuing legal action against her. While researching her agency further this year, we have found numerous individuals who are doing the same thing. Sad. Frustrating. Down right disgusting that any agency would use children as pawns to further their own individual lives, while putting the orphans at risk. I am more mad each time I have to deal with any paperwork in regards to the agency that has messed up an entire year for us and our boys.

I have a wonderful lady now in an agency in California that has been AWESOME! If there is any hope in an agency, it's with her. I am more and more amazed that the boys are growing and still holding well during this time. They have wonderful foster families in Africa that care so much for them. That consoles me, although I know there are many things they can not get there that they need here. I just keep praying for that miracle, but the news that changes day to day puts us farther away instead of closer to them. Sigh.

I am a huge advocate for adoption. But it is surely not for the weak of heart! It's HARD! I know this is why alot of well meaning families stop the process to adoption. It's too many steps and too emotional to hang on week after week. Since meeting the boys I have had several people tell me maybe I misunderstood Gods plan. Maybe I was just meant to KNOW of their needs and become advocates for all the children, not actually meant to adopt these boys. Well, as neat and tidy as that may seem to some people, these boys are not just pictures I have seen or stories I have heard. I spent a year of my life praying for them, preparing for them, and holding them on two different occasions, promising them I will return to bring them home. They have been a huge part of our life plan for more than a year, they have beds and clothes and toys waiting for them here. I have secured doctors and talked to specialists about their care. I have purchased equipment for their therapies and spent hours researching their health issues. We have spent hard earned monies so I could go be with them twice last year, and I have spent more than one night, sleepless, either in worry or prayer for them both.

I have done my best to keep things normal around here for the rest of the family (whatever normal is!). Bella asks most every day when the boys are coming home. In her little heart it's been way too long also. Our plans keep being weighed against the "unless I am in africa then" statement, and to be honest, I am pretty sick of it all.

But my committment to the boys never changes. I can not fathom our future without them in it, and I can't believe I could ever STOP pursuing them. My daughter is law said it best: If these were one of the children that you already had/have, would you walk away from any of their lives just because it got hard to deal with?

NO.. NO...NO. I know in my heart they are as much mine as any of the others who are officially so. But to my blogging and praying friends, please keep it up. My friends who have adopted you know the pain of uncertainty. Please keep praying. For family and friends who are tired of hearing me whine, please keep praying. I am embarrassed to feel so vulnerable. But for some reason, God has choosen this timing in our lives, and for that reason alone, I keep praying.

For health, safety, grace and mercy. For me, my family and my african boys.
I really want to report soon that I am coming home with them. Your prayers will make it happen.
Thanks.