Diabetes Diatribe

I hate diabetes. I hate being diabetic.

I have watched various family members struggle with controlling their diets, their sugars and their insulin. It's time consuming, self absorbing, and emotionally defeating.

I have spent months trying to lose weight. It is always one of the first comments out of the doctors mouths. OK. So, I have worked really hard to lose 60 pounds. I am proud of changing my eating habits and increasing my exercise. Success!

But it has not been enough. I am still having a hard time controlling my sugars.

I really don't want to live on insulin. I hate it. I hate how I feel on insulin.

I don't mind taking the oral meds, since that just is easier to deal with twice a day. But my bloodwork proved it has not been enough. Fortunately, there doesn't appear to be any negative effects from my sugars running too high. I can feel my feet, I have no damage to my eyes and my internal organs do not seem to have suffered yet.

Except the doctor can not approve me to fly to Liberia.

That hurt. That devastated me. We were suppose to fly in July.

Immediately, the kids faces floated through my mind. They need me there! They need to come home! I feel like I have betrayed them.

And my body has betrayed me.

So, I regrouped. I am checking my bloodwork 4 times a day again. I am seeing a new doctor this week. I will do my best to overcome what my body is dealing me right now...

Mike asked the doctor what we need to do to change her opinion of when I can fly. It's looking like 3 months at least. Maybe August? Maybe September? It really will depend on how well my body responds to the new plan.

I hate that. But I will continue to do whatever is needed to get those boys home.

But something I wish the doctors would understand about diabetics, is that we are not lazy. We are not trying to sabotage our lives, and we know better than you that we want to be healthy. We understand how difficult it is to live with diabetes, and if you are not diabetic, you have NO idea how hard that is. A doctor may have the technical knowledge of our disease, but living it out is much more difficult than you know. Watching other diabetics lose their eyesight or a foot is sobering. It's constantly in our minds when we take a bite of anything.

I work hard, I struggle daily. I know I can't win this battle called diabetes. But I will keep fighting it every minute.

And I know that in spite of this disease, it does not define ME. I am a child of the King, who has purposed in my heart to follow as He leads me. I believe it is a part of His huge plan to bring home my two little boys from Liberia.

Diabetes will not defeat me. I will hate it and fight it with a vengeance.