A Big Decision

In light of the recent loss of the baby we were ready to adopt, the subject has come up over the last few weeks about whether we should continue on our original adoption plans from Ethiopia.

It is a subject neither Mike nor I take lightly.

We had spent over a year researching Ethiopia. We spent another year gathering paperwork, filing necessary paperwork, connecting with other adoptive parents and following legal trends and formalities. It was decided that I would travel to pick up the children, hopefully with either my older daughter or a good friend when the time came.

We have invested many hours of training, obtained numerous references, signatures, and have felt God's hand and presence through it all. We were distracted when we had the opportunity to adopt a newborn sibling of one of our children, although we felt it was the right thing to do to put off the Ethiopian adoption long enough to finalize the domestic adoption right in front of us.

Then the domestic adoption fell through. Our hearts were broken, our faith was shaken, and we really wondered what the next step would be. Do we quit the path we were trying so faithfully to walk? Did God change His mind? Did we really even understand what it was that we were suppose to do next?

A sweet friend brought me a small glass jar, with beautiful crystals floating in a clear liquid,with a small token which had baby feet imprinted on it. It was to be a memorial jar for our lost baby Ava, the one that had grown in our hearts but we would never be able to raise in our family. It symbolized the tears that we cry that Jesus tells us He collects for us. Someday those tears will be laid at the feet of the One who called us to care for the orphans. This baby will not be forgotten in our hearts.

I was ready to give up trying again. Friends reminded me of the joys we have with the 10 children we have been graciously given through birth and adoption. We are so grateful. The losses along the way are still painful, so desiring children that can only come through the gift of adoption, we know we are opening ourselves up to possibly suffer another loss. In my heart, I don't think I can suffer anymore.

However, this is a partnership in adoption. Mike, although shaken, did not feel as if all hope was gone. He cried,out from his heart, "What do we do if there is a child in Ethiopia who is waiting for us, but we were too bruised or wounded to make that final step to go get them?" He was not ready to give up hope.

I prayed for peace, asked for hope, and this weekend we decided to step out on faith once again and reopen the process that was nearly complete several months ago. The time is right to begin again, and we will step faithfully over the next few weeks as we tie up lose ends that will allow us to continue the Ethiopian adoption.

As a family, we know God has called us to be faithful to meet the needs of others. We believe we are honoring Him by loving the "least" of these. In our home, we want the focus to be on the little ones that we can love and raise to be a part of an eternal kingdom. It's just what we do.

Thanks to all our family and friends who continue to pray for us. It will not be an easy road, but one that we are happy to be traveling again.