The weathermen are calling this Juneuary this year, due to the unseasonably warm weather our Michigan weather is thowing at us right now. I don't know about others in our area, but I am really sick of the ups and downs. I suspect now that we are in February, it is gonna get really icky and cold!
Speaking of colds, we have all had them. It has been the worst season for us all being sick with the upper respiratory junk, and today we have 2 seeing the doctor today. Tommy has had a ton of asthma issues this week, and is now being treated for a sinus infection. Missing 3 days of school is not as bad for him as some of the others would be, because he will catch up easily. Bella has been in school all week, but has been miserable. No fever, but told me in the night her ears have bubbles and hurt. Oh boy. We will get that appointment done at 4 today. And tomorrow we celebrate her 5th birthday, so its a shame for her to not feel good enough to enjoy that!
Mike took Tyler to the emergency room yesterday. He met him at school after a call that said "eye injury in machine shop". Oh how scarey! Fortunately, the foot that caught his eye did not carry any contaminants, and altho there is a split in his eyelid, no stitches. It was sore last night, and pretty puffy this morning, but the CT scan showed no internal damage. Wow, he is determined to mess up his face!! He has now had at least 2 broken noses, and several black eyes. I told him his modeling career will have to wait...
The rest of us are just treading water. The wait for my return to Africa continues to be delayed. It is painful, at best. I told a friend yesterday that I wish I could get this waiting thing down to a graceful and peaceful attitude. I KNOW God is in control. I KNOW He has a perfect plan. But since we were all geared up to bring the boys home in December, January drug by as painfully as possible. We have fired our original adoption agency, and are pursuing legal action against her. While researching her agency further this year, we have found numerous individuals who are doing the same thing. Sad. Frustrating. Down right disgusting that any agency would use children as pawns to further their own individual lives, while putting the orphans at risk. I am more mad each time I have to deal with any paperwork in regards to the agency that has messed up an entire year for us and our boys.
I have a wonderful lady now in an agency in California that has been AWESOME! If there is any hope in an agency, it's with her. I am more and more amazed that the boys are growing and still holding well during this time. They have wonderful foster families in Africa that care so much for them. That consoles me, although I know there are many things they can not get there that they need here. I just keep praying for that miracle, but the news that changes day to day puts us farther away instead of closer to them. Sigh.
I am a huge advocate for adoption. But it is surely not for the weak of heart! It's HARD! I know this is why alot of well meaning families stop the process to adoption. It's too many steps and too emotional to hang on week after week. Since meeting the boys I have had several people tell me maybe I misunderstood Gods plan. Maybe I was just meant to KNOW of their needs and become advocates for all the children, not actually meant to adopt these boys. Well, as neat and tidy as that may seem to some people, these boys are not just pictures I have seen or stories I have heard. I spent a year of my life praying for them, preparing for them, and holding them on two different occasions, promising them I will return to bring them home. They have been a huge part of our life plan for more than a year, they have beds and clothes and toys waiting for them here. I have secured doctors and talked to specialists about their care. I have purchased equipment for their therapies and spent hours researching their health issues. We have spent hard earned monies so I could go be with them twice last year, and I have spent more than one night, sleepless, either in worry or prayer for them both.
I have done my best to keep things normal around here for the rest of the family (whatever normal is!). Bella asks most every day when the boys are coming home. In her little heart it's been way too long also. Our plans keep being weighed against the "unless I am in africa then" statement, and to be honest, I am pretty sick of it all.
But my committment to the boys never changes. I can not fathom our future without them in it, and I can't believe I could ever STOP pursuing them. My daughter is law said it best: If these were one of the children that you already had/have, would you walk away from any of their lives just because it got hard to deal with?
NO.. NO...NO. I know in my heart they are as much mine as any of the others who are officially so. But to my blogging and praying friends, please keep it up. My friends who have adopted you know the pain of uncertainty. Please keep praying. For family and friends who are tired of hearing me whine, please keep praying. I am embarrassed to feel so vulnerable. But for some reason, God has choosen this timing in our lives, and for that reason alone, I keep praying.
For health, safety, grace and mercy. For me, my family and my african boys.
I really want to report soon that I am coming home with them. Your prayers will make it happen.
Thanks.
Large family life, through a mama's eyes
Friday, February 3, 2012
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Andrew Has The Dog
Taking our granddog, Kodiak, to the airport for his flight home to Puerto Rico, was such an experience, it still has us laughing!
We were able to get to the airport, in spite of a snowstorm that left alot of our area businesses closed for the day. The airport is about 2 1/2 hours from our home, so we left in plenty of time. 6:30 am, for a 12:30 p.m flight. It was still dark out, and very cold. Kodi was visibly nervous as we got into the van, but he calmed down and slept on one of the back seats. Big white dog...with a scared puppy face!
We were able to travel at the high speed of 35 mph, and actually got to the airport in plenty of time for Scott and Kodiak to fly out, but due to the extreme measures it takes to fly a german shephard out of the states, Scott had to spend a large amount of time at the counter getting a new flight that would allow them both to go.
Kodiak weighed in at 95 pounds, crate and all. We had found an airline approved crate for him last summer, thinking eventually Kodi would fly home. Scott was really missing him, and when Kodi first saw Scott when he flew in for Christmas, he kept "talking" his shephard howl, and couldn't get enough of his time with Scott.
Ah, I am gonna miss that dog.
So, at the airport, Kodiak was slipping and sliding on the slick tile floors, totally out of his element. Big dog, timid as a mouse. Every now and then a tiny lap dog would peek it's head out of a posh carryon, causing Kodi to bark in hysterics, wanting to play. I think the other dog's owners thought he wanted to eat their tiny treasures, but not Kodi. He is a big dog with a gentle heart.
At last we were ready to place Kodiak in the hands of a seasoned professional. Andrew appeared out of nowhere, calling Kodi "cute" and rubbing his back. As soon as Kodi would turn his head to face Andrew, he would draw his hand back and take at least two steps further from Kodiak, obviously overwhelmed by his size.
Incidentally, Kodiak was 10 pounds over the limit, but they agreed to let that go. For a time, we figured Kodi may be living with us an additional 2 1/2 years of Scott's time in Puerto Rico, so we kept our fingers crossed. Big dog, living in a little house with 2 other dogs, 4 cats, 7 kids and a bunny. He had to go home.
Andrew tried to set our minds at ease. He obviously wanted us to feel comfortable in his ability to care for Kodi, although the entire time Andrew would have Kodi would be while he was caged. Anyhow, Andrew told us he had raised many breeds for over 30 years, his favorite being his breeding of a shephard and a "doverman" dog. Interesting combo....and Andrew also prided himself in his ability to know exactly what a dog likes.
The conversation went something like this:
Andrew..."I love dogs. I breed dogs and raised many breeds for over 30 years."
us..."Oh, that's nice."
Andrew..."I made them a new years easter bread. It has flour and real orange peels."
us..."Wow, and the dogs like that, huh?"
Andrew..."I know dogs. You know that bread? It has real orange peel. Made it myself."
The entire time I couldn't get the Dustin Hoffman "Rainman" out of my mind. Very similar!! But he took his job seriously, and was determined to get Kodiak safely stowed in the belly of the plane.
As he gave Kodi a last tickle and a "cootchy cooo", we placed him in the crate, and waved goodbye.
"See you in Puerto Rico, Kodiak" and away he went.
Scott called later to let us know they made all their connecting flights, and were safely landed in PR. Kodiak seemed no worse for the wear, and is now adjusting to a life in 80 degree weather in January. Poor dog.
It is obvious that our home is lacking a big dog. I will miss him. But I am so glad he is back with his owner, who missed him so very much the last 6 months.
But mostly, I miss Scotty, my oldest son. He maintains a high standard of excellence in everything he does in the Coast Guard, and he continues to make us proud. It was wonderful having him under our roof, and I am grateful he left his wife and kids here for another week so we can get more loving in on those grand babies. It is always sad to see him go, not ever sure when we will see him again.
But thanks to Kodiak, we laughed until the end, and we know that our family ties will keep us together even when we are apart.
We will miss you Kodiak. And of course, Scotty.
We were able to get to the airport, in spite of a snowstorm that left alot of our area businesses closed for the day. The airport is about 2 1/2 hours from our home, so we left in plenty of time. 6:30 am, for a 12:30 p.m flight. It was still dark out, and very cold. Kodi was visibly nervous as we got into the van, but he calmed down and slept on one of the back seats. Big white dog...with a scared puppy face!
We were able to travel at the high speed of 35 mph, and actually got to the airport in plenty of time for Scott and Kodiak to fly out, but due to the extreme measures it takes to fly a german shephard out of the states, Scott had to spend a large amount of time at the counter getting a new flight that would allow them both to go.
Kodiak weighed in at 95 pounds, crate and all. We had found an airline approved crate for him last summer, thinking eventually Kodi would fly home. Scott was really missing him, and when Kodi first saw Scott when he flew in for Christmas, he kept "talking" his shephard howl, and couldn't get enough of his time with Scott.
Ah, I am gonna miss that dog.
So, at the airport, Kodiak was slipping and sliding on the slick tile floors, totally out of his element. Big dog, timid as a mouse. Every now and then a tiny lap dog would peek it's head out of a posh carryon, causing Kodi to bark in hysterics, wanting to play. I think the other dog's owners thought he wanted to eat their tiny treasures, but not Kodi. He is a big dog with a gentle heart.
At last we were ready to place Kodiak in the hands of a seasoned professional. Andrew appeared out of nowhere, calling Kodi "cute" and rubbing his back. As soon as Kodi would turn his head to face Andrew, he would draw his hand back and take at least two steps further from Kodiak, obviously overwhelmed by his size.
Incidentally, Kodiak was 10 pounds over the limit, but they agreed to let that go. For a time, we figured Kodi may be living with us an additional 2 1/2 years of Scott's time in Puerto Rico, so we kept our fingers crossed. Big dog, living in a little house with 2 other dogs, 4 cats, 7 kids and a bunny. He had to go home.
Andrew tried to set our minds at ease. He obviously wanted us to feel comfortable in his ability to care for Kodi, although the entire time Andrew would have Kodi would be while he was caged. Anyhow, Andrew told us he had raised many breeds for over 30 years, his favorite being his breeding of a shephard and a "doverman" dog. Interesting combo....and Andrew also prided himself in his ability to know exactly what a dog likes.
The conversation went something like this:
Andrew..."I love dogs. I breed dogs and raised many breeds for over 30 years."
us..."Oh, that's nice."
Andrew..."I made them a new years easter bread. It has flour and real orange peels."
us..."Wow, and the dogs like that, huh?"
Andrew..."I know dogs. You know that bread? It has real orange peel. Made it myself."
The entire time I couldn't get the Dustin Hoffman "Rainman" out of my mind. Very similar!! But he took his job seriously, and was determined to get Kodiak safely stowed in the belly of the plane.
As he gave Kodi a last tickle and a "cootchy cooo", we placed him in the crate, and waved goodbye.
"See you in Puerto Rico, Kodiak" and away he went.
Scott called later to let us know they made all their connecting flights, and were safely landed in PR. Kodiak seemed no worse for the wear, and is now adjusting to a life in 80 degree weather in January. Poor dog.
It is obvious that our home is lacking a big dog. I will miss him. But I am so glad he is back with his owner, who missed him so very much the last 6 months.
But mostly, I miss Scotty, my oldest son. He maintains a high standard of excellence in everything he does in the Coast Guard, and he continues to make us proud. It was wonderful having him under our roof, and I am grateful he left his wife and kids here for another week so we can get more loving in on those grand babies. It is always sad to see him go, not ever sure when we will see him again.
But thanks to Kodiak, we laughed until the end, and we know that our family ties will keep us together even when we are apart.
We will miss you Kodiak. And of course, Scotty.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
New Years
Christmas is over, as far as the frenzied gifts, parties and visitors goes. I am hoping the Spirit of the season lives on throughout the year ahead.
So many blessings surrounded us this year. We were able to wake up to the joy of our 7 kids on Christmas morning, along with the three added blessings, our grandsons, Kaid, Keegan and Keane. It's hard to describe the massive amounts of paper, packages and noise when there are 10 children in one livingroom. Awesome!! It was a wonderful feeling having our oldest son, Scott, his wife Britt and their boys home. We missed having Jenni home, and kept the cell phone clicking all day sending pictures back and forth to her, and she to us. Ash and Andy were able to be here for the festivities too, so it was a full day of fun. Many memories,for sure.
Now we are in the middle of the holidays week, planning our family get together for New Years eve, and cramming in just as much as we can before Scott leaves on Monday. Britt and the boys are able to stay until the 11th, so there will be a little more time to enjoy watching the boys play.
I have been very aware of the two little boys missing from our holidays this year. Last year, Gborlee was a new hope in our family, and by March, Mohammed (Isaiah) was also added to our "joy" list. It's been a long, hard year, working toward bringing both boys home from Liberia, and as much as we tried to get all the ends tied up this year, we still came short of finalizing their adoption and bringing them home to our family. We have been discouraged, frustrated,and angered, all the while longing for the day we can begin their healing in America. I realize that once my eyes were opened to the plight of the children in Liberia, and the basic needs they are lacking, the harder it is to live out my typical day in such a blessed country. When we have excess food, I am sorry for their struggle day to day to eat. When I snuggle into my warm bed, I remember the harsh surroundings my boys are living in. When I close my eyes at night, I can't help but wonder how they are sleeping and what activities their days held far across the world from me.
It just was obvious someone was missing.
Now we are looking forward to a new year. New challenges, new hope, new opportunities. As I form the beginnings of the year in my mind, I contemplate what it holds for our family. Of course, none of us will ever be able to know exactly how our days will unfold, but some of the things I hope to accomplish are these: look for ways to help others in need, find someone whose life I can make a major impact in, and rely on God's provision to do my best to alleviate stress and hunger for another human being.
I know I can't change the world. But I do believe I can stand beside ONE person this year and help meet the needs of that person to the best of my abilities. Maybe if all of us could find one person to help, we would see a major lessening of need in our world and we could each grow by giving of ourselves.
Happy New Year to my family and friends. Let's make it a year we can look back on and be proud of. Let's help someone less fortunate than ourselves. I plan to. I pray blessings on each of you as you try to do the same in 2012.
Posted by Faith at 6:03 AM Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to Facebook
So many blessings surrounded us this year. We were able to wake up to the joy of our 7 kids on Christmas morning, along with the three added blessings, our grandsons, Kaid, Keegan and Keane. It's hard to describe the massive amounts of paper, packages and noise when there are 10 children in one livingroom. Awesome!! It was a wonderful feeling having our oldest son, Scott, his wife Britt and their boys home. We missed having Jenni home, and kept the cell phone clicking all day sending pictures back and forth to her, and she to us. Ash and Andy were able to be here for the festivities too, so it was a full day of fun. Many memories,for sure.
Now we are in the middle of the holidays week, planning our family get together for New Years eve, and cramming in just as much as we can before Scott leaves on Monday. Britt and the boys are able to stay until the 11th, so there will be a little more time to enjoy watching the boys play.
I have been very aware of the two little boys missing from our holidays this year. Last year, Gborlee was a new hope in our family, and by March, Mohammed (Isaiah) was also added to our "joy" list. It's been a long, hard year, working toward bringing both boys home from Liberia, and as much as we tried to get all the ends tied up this year, we still came short of finalizing their adoption and bringing them home to our family. We have been discouraged, frustrated,and angered, all the while longing for the day we can begin their healing in America. I realize that once my eyes were opened to the plight of the children in Liberia, and the basic needs they are lacking, the harder it is to live out my typical day in such a blessed country. When we have excess food, I am sorry for their struggle day to day to eat. When I snuggle into my warm bed, I remember the harsh surroundings my boys are living in. When I close my eyes at night, I can't help but wonder how they are sleeping and what activities their days held far across the world from me.
It just was obvious someone was missing.
Now we are looking forward to a new year. New challenges, new hope, new opportunities. As I form the beginnings of the year in my mind, I contemplate what it holds for our family. Of course, none of us will ever be able to know exactly how our days will unfold, but some of the things I hope to accomplish are these: look for ways to help others in need, find someone whose life I can make a major impact in, and rely on God's provision to do my best to alleviate stress and hunger for another human being.
I know I can't change the world. But I do believe I can stand beside ONE person this year and help meet the needs of that person to the best of my abilities. Maybe if all of us could find one person to help, we would see a major lessening of need in our world and we could each grow by giving of ourselves.
Happy New Year to my family and friends. Let's make it a year we can look back on and be proud of. Let's help someone less fortunate than ourselves. I plan to. I pray blessings on each of you as you try to do the same in 2012.
Posted by Faith at 6:03 AM Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to Facebook
Monday, December 19, 2011
It's beginning to feel alot like Christmas!
Coming back from Africa during the holiday season has really thrown me off! Seeing Christmas trees there in the 95 degree heat, and hearing traditional American Christmas songs on battery operated radios in the village made me realize how close it really was!
And now it really is!! This is the countdown week!! We have spent many weeks remodeling the house and switching rooms around, preparing for the new boys. So, finally, we put our little tree up last night. I found the star this morning, and now I am looking for the tree skirt. And stockings. And deco. My kids were starting to beg me to put the tree up, and likened me to "Scrooge!" Oh how simple it is to bring joy to their little lives. Bella walked in and saw the tree lights up and stopped at the doorway. Her eyes widened and she said, "Wowwwww!" Just like she had seen the real star of Bethlehem. I had decided not to put alot of decorations out, mostly because it means bringing a ton of bins up from the basement. Yuck! But also, I am trying really hard to streamline our lives for at least a little bit. I expect it to get kinda crazy once the boys do come home, with doctor appointments and therapies, so it's in my heart to keep things a bit more simple than usual.
If you know me, you know how very much I love this time of year. The lights, songs, gifts, wrapping...ah, it's the highlight of my life. I LOVE to find special presents for my loved ones, and I work hard to keep the costs low. It's challenging but it really revs my engine! I began wrapping yesterday and spent most of the day trying to complete it. Unfortunately, I had to stop to sleep last night, so I will have to jump back in on that again later today. Tonight we have our friends family over to celebrate the holidays with them before things get crazy!
We will be missing our Jenni this year, but thankful for the two weeks we shared with her before, during and after our African trip together. She is always too far away, but at least we did have precious time together. Wednesday night we travel to Chicago to pick up Scott, Britt and those adorable grandsons. As of this writing, the boys have no idea they are coming to Michigan for Christmas! How exciting when they all figure it out! They will be taking their big German shephard dog home after this visit, so it will feel like we have one less horse in our home. (he's huge, but a well behaved dog. The last 6 months we have bonded!!) The boys will make our christmas VERY MERRY!! I can't wait. In pictures they look like they have all grown so big in the last six months and I am so excited to see them! My kids are giddy, waiting for them, and I probably won't see much of the boys since they will be off playing with their little aunts and uncle!
I have many things to look forward to in the new year. The ministry of Forget Me Not Children encompasses much of my thoughts. I am blessed to have enough money donated now to ship some orthopedic supplies to Liberia, and I know my heart will continue to reach out for ways to help the unfortunate children there. I am thankful that God lead me to the boys, and to the greater needs in their villages. I will continue to pray for what I can do to alleviate some of their suffering.
I also am working with a dear friend on a new business venture. It will allow us to help others tell their adoption stories, and we are excited about that! I am grateful to be surrounded with so many wonderful people who encourage me and help me grow! Stay tuned for the updates on both! Exciting times ahead!
I have baking to begin, and alot to accomplish yet this week, but I wanted to wish everyone of my blogging friends a Merry Christmas, and a peaceful happy New Year. How will you spend 2012? My advice (and I am taking it to heart too!) is to always take time to make memories, and look for ways to change someone else's life.
Love and Peace to you all.
And now it really is!! This is the countdown week!! We have spent many weeks remodeling the house and switching rooms around, preparing for the new boys. So, finally, we put our little tree up last night. I found the star this morning, and now I am looking for the tree skirt. And stockings. And deco. My kids were starting to beg me to put the tree up, and likened me to "Scrooge!" Oh how simple it is to bring joy to their little lives. Bella walked in and saw the tree lights up and stopped at the doorway. Her eyes widened and she said, "Wowwwww!" Just like she had seen the real star of Bethlehem. I had decided not to put alot of decorations out, mostly because it means bringing a ton of bins up from the basement. Yuck! But also, I am trying really hard to streamline our lives for at least a little bit. I expect it to get kinda crazy once the boys do come home, with doctor appointments and therapies, so it's in my heart to keep things a bit more simple than usual.
If you know me, you know how very much I love this time of year. The lights, songs, gifts, wrapping...ah, it's the highlight of my life. I LOVE to find special presents for my loved ones, and I work hard to keep the costs low. It's challenging but it really revs my engine! I began wrapping yesterday and spent most of the day trying to complete it. Unfortunately, I had to stop to sleep last night, so I will have to jump back in on that again later today. Tonight we have our friends family over to celebrate the holidays with them before things get crazy!
We will be missing our Jenni this year, but thankful for the two weeks we shared with her before, during and after our African trip together. She is always too far away, but at least we did have precious time together. Wednesday night we travel to Chicago to pick up Scott, Britt and those adorable grandsons. As of this writing, the boys have no idea they are coming to Michigan for Christmas! How exciting when they all figure it out! They will be taking their big German shephard dog home after this visit, so it will feel like we have one less horse in our home. (he's huge, but a well behaved dog. The last 6 months we have bonded!!) The boys will make our christmas VERY MERRY!! I can't wait. In pictures they look like they have all grown so big in the last six months and I am so excited to see them! My kids are giddy, waiting for them, and I probably won't see much of the boys since they will be off playing with their little aunts and uncle!
I have many things to look forward to in the new year. The ministry of Forget Me Not Children encompasses much of my thoughts. I am blessed to have enough money donated now to ship some orthopedic supplies to Liberia, and I know my heart will continue to reach out for ways to help the unfortunate children there. I am thankful that God lead me to the boys, and to the greater needs in their villages. I will continue to pray for what I can do to alleviate some of their suffering.
I also am working with a dear friend on a new business venture. It will allow us to help others tell their adoption stories, and we are excited about that! I am grateful to be surrounded with so many wonderful people who encourage me and help me grow! Stay tuned for the updates on both! Exciting times ahead!
I have baking to begin, and alot to accomplish yet this week, but I wanted to wish everyone of my blogging friends a Merry Christmas, and a peaceful happy New Year. How will you spend 2012? My advice (and I am taking it to heart too!) is to always take time to make memories, and look for ways to change someone else's life.
Love and Peace to you all.
Friday, December 9, 2011
Ahh, Africa!
Just returned last night from my second trip to Africa. I must still be on Liberian time,(it's past noon there!)because I could not sleep past 5:30 this morning!
As I write this post, Mike is at the Emergency room with Tommmy (7). He was so excited to have me home, he bought me a Slim Jim treat at the store last night, and while trying to open it this morning, he cut his hand with the scissors. I figure it will be stitched, but it sharply brought me back to the contrast of living in America to living in Africa.
The day we got to Africa, which is a story in itself, we were loving on the FMN kids and a little 4 year old showed me a cut on her hand. It was raw, and had dirt in it already. We put neosporin and a bandaide on it, but thru the week I watched it get puffier and infected. We kept adding salve and bandaides, but it really has little hope of healing well without a big scar. I am praying the infection can be less due to the salves we applied. I hope my Tommy comes home with stitches, and I know we can get the help he needs here for that type of injury. Such a sharp contrast.
Delivering a walker for a 5 year old, and a wheelchair for a 6 year old, my mind kept racing to how different life is for my children here. A cerebral palsy child in the states will have therapy and medical care from the beginning of their lives. For these two precious African children, the help they receive must come across a large ocean, from a continent away, from concerned and giving people who feel as if it is never enough to meet the needs we so wish we could. But for Karin and Barry, it will help to change their little lives in their communities. It makes me hope to do so much more.
We fired our agency for our adoption while we were there. Sad to return again without our babies, however, we are at peace that we were able to stop the insanity and corruption that was prevelant from this american agency. What a shame. We are encouraged that we can pursue the adoption through a different angle, and we are grateful for the brilliant minds of the team that God assembled together for the time we were there. We were never alone in our struggles and emotional pain, and we have a plan for bringing the boys home in the next few weeks. We hope what we endured will put an end to the pain this agency could have caused many others had it not come out in the end.
What did I learn? I learned that my daughter Jenni has the biggest heart ever, is capable of keeping me grounded when our world was falling apart, and that she loved the African church service as much as I did! She spent a week on packaged snacks from the US and never once complained. Our airconditioning didn't work in the 95 degree heat, and our refridgerator in the place we stayed never did cool. Our lights dimmed, we lost all power, we couldn't access the internet, our water stopped working and our toilet clogged. Jenni reminded me what a blessed life we have in America each time she said, "well, it's a third world country, after all." She graciously accepted our daily changes, cried with me, laughted with me, and comforted me more than she will ever know. I love the way God has given me such lovely daughters, and thankful for her selfless ability to "vacation" with me in Africa. I will never forget our precious time together.
I learned that sending an email home and having to wait for a day for a reply made me realize how much I rely on my friendships and family connections on a day to day basis. When I would receive a letter from Ash, or Britt, it made me know of their prayers and support from across the world. We all shared in the mission to bring home our boys, and the joy and then tears were between us, even though the miles separated us from each other. Although our grief at leaving the boys behind was thick enough to choke on, our hope for a quick return turned our tears to joy and hope renewed was like a medicine to our hearts.
I learned that I will never hear a honking horn again without thinking of Africa. I learned that the most simple tasks here are darn right hard if not impossible over there. I watched sweat droplets hit a dirty cement floor in africa, as the beautiful christians in a simple church service blessed our hearts with their joy, their songs and smiles at a time when we desperately needed to hear a word from our God for the boys we had hoped to bring home. I learned that our timing is not necessarily God's timing, and it's ok to be disappointed but joyful at the same time.
I saw tears on their faces as my boys were forced into a bad situation, and smiles when they returned to the homes that have securely cared for their needs for the past year. I grew in appreciation for the foster mothers who have begun a beautiful journey of change for my boys, and their desire to change the impressions in their villages of handicapped children and their place in this world. The boys who must be discarded are accepted and loved by a foster family and have bonded well, and they will become healthier bonded children in our family because of the love they have developed there.
I met a biological mother whose eyes showed so much love and emotion for a child she knew she could not keep, and was able to ask her how she felt about giving her child to an American mother who would be responsible to let this child grown with the knowlege of just how precious his birth mom's sacrifices would improve his life. I would deeply touched by the impact of the gift she was giving to me - this precious damaged life who will soon thrive in all we can offer in health that her own village and resources never could do for him. An African mom and an American mom, working together. He got his beauty from him birthmom, and I will love and remind him of his start there. It was a treasure from God to have had the opportunity to meet her and to accept her gracious gift. She chose life for us all. I am grateful.
It was a big trip to a big continent, on a huge mission and a failed attempt to bring the babies home. But our God is bigger still, and we trust the plan to return soon. The big brown eyes in the tiny bodies of our African children draw me back as often as it takes to complete the plan. And the other children and people I meet along the way enriches my life. It is the icing on the cake to trust our minute by minute lives to a knowing God who only works for our good. I will continue to praise HIS name and fight for a people who He has placed on my heart.
As I write this post, Mike is at the Emergency room with Tommmy (7). He was so excited to have me home, he bought me a Slim Jim treat at the store last night, and while trying to open it this morning, he cut his hand with the scissors. I figure it will be stitched, but it sharply brought me back to the contrast of living in America to living in Africa.
The day we got to Africa, which is a story in itself, we were loving on the FMN kids and a little 4 year old showed me a cut on her hand. It was raw, and had dirt in it already. We put neosporin and a bandaide on it, but thru the week I watched it get puffier and infected. We kept adding salve and bandaides, but it really has little hope of healing well without a big scar. I am praying the infection can be less due to the salves we applied. I hope my Tommy comes home with stitches, and I know we can get the help he needs here for that type of injury. Such a sharp contrast.
Delivering a walker for a 5 year old, and a wheelchair for a 6 year old, my mind kept racing to how different life is for my children here. A cerebral palsy child in the states will have therapy and medical care from the beginning of their lives. For these two precious African children, the help they receive must come across a large ocean, from a continent away, from concerned and giving people who feel as if it is never enough to meet the needs we so wish we could. But for Karin and Barry, it will help to change their little lives in their communities. It makes me hope to do so much more.
We fired our agency for our adoption while we were there. Sad to return again without our babies, however, we are at peace that we were able to stop the insanity and corruption that was prevelant from this american agency. What a shame. We are encouraged that we can pursue the adoption through a different angle, and we are grateful for the brilliant minds of the team that God assembled together for the time we were there. We were never alone in our struggles and emotional pain, and we have a plan for bringing the boys home in the next few weeks. We hope what we endured will put an end to the pain this agency could have caused many others had it not come out in the end.
What did I learn? I learned that my daughter Jenni has the biggest heart ever, is capable of keeping me grounded when our world was falling apart, and that she loved the African church service as much as I did! She spent a week on packaged snacks from the US and never once complained. Our airconditioning didn't work in the 95 degree heat, and our refridgerator in the place we stayed never did cool. Our lights dimmed, we lost all power, we couldn't access the internet, our water stopped working and our toilet clogged. Jenni reminded me what a blessed life we have in America each time she said, "well, it's a third world country, after all." She graciously accepted our daily changes, cried with me, laughted with me, and comforted me more than she will ever know. I love the way God has given me such lovely daughters, and thankful for her selfless ability to "vacation" with me in Africa. I will never forget our precious time together.
I learned that sending an email home and having to wait for a day for a reply made me realize how much I rely on my friendships and family connections on a day to day basis. When I would receive a letter from Ash, or Britt, it made me know of their prayers and support from across the world. We all shared in the mission to bring home our boys, and the joy and then tears were between us, even though the miles separated us from each other. Although our grief at leaving the boys behind was thick enough to choke on, our hope for a quick return turned our tears to joy and hope renewed was like a medicine to our hearts.
I learned that I will never hear a honking horn again without thinking of Africa. I learned that the most simple tasks here are darn right hard if not impossible over there. I watched sweat droplets hit a dirty cement floor in africa, as the beautiful christians in a simple church service blessed our hearts with their joy, their songs and smiles at a time when we desperately needed to hear a word from our God for the boys we had hoped to bring home. I learned that our timing is not necessarily God's timing, and it's ok to be disappointed but joyful at the same time.
I saw tears on their faces as my boys were forced into a bad situation, and smiles when they returned to the homes that have securely cared for their needs for the past year. I grew in appreciation for the foster mothers who have begun a beautiful journey of change for my boys, and their desire to change the impressions in their villages of handicapped children and their place in this world. The boys who must be discarded are accepted and loved by a foster family and have bonded well, and they will become healthier bonded children in our family because of the love they have developed there.
I met a biological mother whose eyes showed so much love and emotion for a child she knew she could not keep, and was able to ask her how she felt about giving her child to an American mother who would be responsible to let this child grown with the knowlege of just how precious his birth mom's sacrifices would improve his life. I would deeply touched by the impact of the gift she was giving to me - this precious damaged life who will soon thrive in all we can offer in health that her own village and resources never could do for him. An African mom and an American mom, working together. He got his beauty from him birthmom, and I will love and remind him of his start there. It was a treasure from God to have had the opportunity to meet her and to accept her gracious gift. She chose life for us all. I am grateful.
It was a big trip to a big continent, on a huge mission and a failed attempt to bring the babies home. But our God is bigger still, and we trust the plan to return soon. The big brown eyes in the tiny bodies of our African children draw me back as often as it takes to complete the plan. And the other children and people I meet along the way enriches my life. It is the icing on the cake to trust our minute by minute lives to a knowing God who only works for our good. I will continue to praise HIS name and fight for a people who He has placed on my heart.
Monday, October 24, 2011
a Heart Divided
Today I feel like my heart is completely divided in so many different places!
My oldest daughter lives the closest, but I haven't seen her in more than a week. She has college courses, a husband, a ton of animals who squeak and sqwauk for her attention. I miss her.
My next daughter lives in Oregon. She will be joining me next month for our African Adventure to bring the newest ones home. It can't happen soon enough for me! I miss her and wish all the time that she was close by.
My son lives in Puerto Rico. His wife is more like a daughter to me than she realizes, and those beautiful grandsons live in the sunshine and rain there. I get pictures all the time, and am thankful for the daily interaction on the computer and cell phones, but boy oh boy, I sure do miss them all.
My kids are all in school now, even baby B goes half days. It seems like I could get alot done at home during the long days, but usually I get started on something and have to remind myself to stay with a project. I miss the noise and lonliness when the kids are gone.
My baby boys are in Africa. I wonder if they will remember me when I go back, and if they will ever understand how long we have waited for them, and how much we have gone through to make this plan happen. Will they be completely overwhelmed, or will they know the places we have created for them in the family, and fit right in just perfectly?
So today, I sensed how many parts of my heart has been divided,and how many impossible miles separate me from all my babies. It will be wonderful when we can all be together someday, all under one roof, and share together in this big family.
My heart is divided, but I look forward to the day all the pieces fit back together. Whenever that may be.
My oldest daughter lives the closest, but I haven't seen her in more than a week. She has college courses, a husband, a ton of animals who squeak and sqwauk for her attention. I miss her.
My next daughter lives in Oregon. She will be joining me next month for our African Adventure to bring the newest ones home. It can't happen soon enough for me! I miss her and wish all the time that she was close by.
My son lives in Puerto Rico. His wife is more like a daughter to me than she realizes, and those beautiful grandsons live in the sunshine and rain there. I get pictures all the time, and am thankful for the daily interaction on the computer and cell phones, but boy oh boy, I sure do miss them all.
My kids are all in school now, even baby B goes half days. It seems like I could get alot done at home during the long days, but usually I get started on something and have to remind myself to stay with a project. I miss the noise and lonliness when the kids are gone.
My baby boys are in Africa. I wonder if they will remember me when I go back, and if they will ever understand how long we have waited for them, and how much we have gone through to make this plan happen. Will they be completely overwhelmed, or will they know the places we have created for them in the family, and fit right in just perfectly?
So today, I sensed how many parts of my heart has been divided,and how many impossible miles separate me from all my babies. It will be wonderful when we can all be together someday, all under one roof, and share together in this big family.
My heart is divided, but I look forward to the day all the pieces fit back together. Whenever that may be.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Something is Missing
I hate it when the house is in disarray and we can't find things. Working on getting things ready for the boys to come home has me scrambling at times and saying more than once a day, "Now where did I put that?"
Organization is one of my most loved skills, but don't look at my house to find it!
You would think planning on adopting these two angels for the last year would mean I had plenty of time to get it all in order, right? Not so much! Let's just say I spent most of that time on paperwork, mental stability, and more paperwork. It has been the longest road of my life, and we are finally coming to the end of that road.
At dinner the other night, Nicole (almost 14) sat down at the table, looked around, and said, "It really doesn't seem like there are that many of us anymore. It really feels like someone is missing, doesn't it mom?"
Now, to be honest, two highchairs have flanked both sides of the table for the entire summer, and no one can enter our home without seeing the photos of the boys lining every empty tabletop in the livingroom. Although we have anticipated their arrival, it is now feeling like things are just not right until the babies come home. It consumes my waking thoughts, and Bella spends alot of time talking about "our precious babies." Mere draws little brown babies in blankets with sweet words of love encircling them, and Tommy even plans to share his trucks with his new brothers. Still, it was nice to hear the perspective of one of the older kids, and the reality hits home that much harder.
My flight is booked. Jennifer, my older daughter from Oregon, has her flight booked. I have my visa, shots, medications. She is ready, too. I know where I am headed and what to expect, thanks to my initial flight in August. It will be exciting to have Jenni with me, and viewing the things I have already seen through her eyes again. Introducing her to her newest little brothers, and watching their bond begin. Seeing the world from a different standpoint than where we are right now, and seeking ways to further elliviate the suffering of our african neighbors.
Spending time with my far distance daughter, and loving the time to reconnect on another level.
Then, realizing that in a few short weeks, our lives will include 2 more lives, two boys who will begin a new chapter, two souls who are worth every bit of investing we can do to make their lives better than where they started. And it's just about time to begin that new journey. Together. Forever.
Yes, Nicole. It does feel like someone's missing, but they will be joining us very soon, and our Christmas this year will also include the thankful hearts of all of our family for the two little babies who will be the best gifts we could ever receive.
Organization is one of my most loved skills, but don't look at my house to find it!
You would think planning on adopting these two angels for the last year would mean I had plenty of time to get it all in order, right? Not so much! Let's just say I spent most of that time on paperwork, mental stability, and more paperwork. It has been the longest road of my life, and we are finally coming to the end of that road.
At dinner the other night, Nicole (almost 14) sat down at the table, looked around, and said, "It really doesn't seem like there are that many of us anymore. It really feels like someone is missing, doesn't it mom?"
Now, to be honest, two highchairs have flanked both sides of the table for the entire summer, and no one can enter our home without seeing the photos of the boys lining every empty tabletop in the livingroom. Although we have anticipated their arrival, it is now feeling like things are just not right until the babies come home. It consumes my waking thoughts, and Bella spends alot of time talking about "our precious babies." Mere draws little brown babies in blankets with sweet words of love encircling them, and Tommy even plans to share his trucks with his new brothers. Still, it was nice to hear the perspective of one of the older kids, and the reality hits home that much harder.
My flight is booked. Jennifer, my older daughter from Oregon, has her flight booked. I have my visa, shots, medications. She is ready, too. I know where I am headed and what to expect, thanks to my initial flight in August. It will be exciting to have Jenni with me, and viewing the things I have already seen through her eyes again. Introducing her to her newest little brothers, and watching their bond begin. Seeing the world from a different standpoint than where we are right now, and seeking ways to further elliviate the suffering of our african neighbors.
Spending time with my far distance daughter, and loving the time to reconnect on another level.
Then, realizing that in a few short weeks, our lives will include 2 more lives, two boys who will begin a new chapter, two souls who are worth every bit of investing we can do to make their lives better than where they started. And it's just about time to begin that new journey. Together. Forever.
Yes, Nicole. It does feel like someone's missing, but they will be joining us very soon, and our Christmas this year will also include the thankful hearts of all of our family for the two little babies who will be the best gifts we could ever receive.
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