In the Right Direction.

I received an email yesterday from our social worker. The HOMESTUDY IS COMPLETE!!

If you have never gone through an international adoption, perhaps that news is not all that exciting to you. This is why it's extremely exciting to us:

We started over a year ago with our first homestudy agency. We had joined adoption forums about a year previous to that, and figured since we had adopted 7 children domestically, we were old hats at this. Wrong.

We started praying about the country we wanted to adopt from. I researched Liberia (closed), Haiti (wouldnt' accept our family size), and Russia (too long in country for me to leave my family.)

We poured our hearts out over waiting list children, looking into their eyes and requesting information on each one. By the time the agencies got back to us, the children had been placed, or for some reason we would not fit the criteria for adopting them. My heart sank a bit each time. We decided Ethiopia would be the best fit for our family, and researched agencies who place children from there. We sent off our application fees, then contracted with a placing agency. That was Jan. 09.

After our contract was reviewed and signed (ALOT of reading!!), we had located a homestudy agency in Michigan, and began the tedious process. We bought required reading books, studied the country of Ethiopia and dreamed of the children who would soon be part of our family. Mike and I spent HOURS writing out our personal history, our reason for adopting again, and everything about us and our families that would matter in the end. By the time our social worker showed up to begin the homestudy, we were so psyched and pumping every ounce of energy into making our remodel projects complete, and getting ready for our new children.

Social worker #1. Discouraging. To. Say. The. Least. After 7 frustrating months, we received a letter stating our social worker had left the agency, and the comments he left about us in his wake were less than desirable. We had close friends and family question if this was "God's plan to stop the adoption process", and our hearts sank a little more. I cried tears for the children we would never meet, the plans that I thought God wanted for us, and the turn of events that had stopped me cold in my tracks.

But a small, still voice spoke peace and comfort in our ears, so stepping out on faith once again, we contacted another agency, who seemed more than willing to give their best shot. The first agency refunded our initial expenses (unheard of, from what we hear now) and we really had lost very little with that attempt. Except time. Which can not be refunded, ever. God continued to speak to our hearts cry, while, step by step, we moved closer to what we understood to be HIS will.

Social worker #2. An answer to prayer. Mary Beth was kind, a hopeful adoptive mom herself, and loved our big family. She was supportive, never critical, could see our hearts and knew God still had a big plan for us. What a perfect fit! We went through hours of training, in person and on-line, read different books than the first time, and we were on our way. More than half the year was over, but we were hopeful again.

My oldest daughter got married in the fall, went through surgery, then recovery, and we knew that the timing was perfect. We could see why we still hadn't gone to Ethiopia yet, because we were needed here. But then the waiting for the homestudy felt like it was dragging on,so we questioned again, would we ever get our children? Pregnancies last 9 months. It felt like we should be nearing the end of ours. September. October. November. Still waiting. December.

I started to lose my focus. We were approached by a man who asked if we would be interested in another domestic adoption. I jumped, heart first. It never worked out. Then we were approached about adopting twins who were due in December, again domestic adoption. I jumped, knowing I had a nursery set for two, once again, heart first. We celebrated holidays, a precious visit from my second oldest daughter from Oregon, and still waited. Birth mom choose another family. Obviously, this was not how God was going to add to our family. He clearly was telling us to wait. My mom heart grieved, but I really wanted to be faithful to the path that God had placed us on. It was just hard to see the empty cribs, and I contemplated taking them down so the constant reminder was not there. Would an empty nursery feel any more comforting? The cribs remain.

A new year dawned, making this wait well over the expected pregnancy phase. Our social worker had emergency surgery, recovery time and other clients. I wanted to be strong and faithful, but I was wavering. Big time. I heard the voices of others in my head, questioning our intent, our plan, the path we were walking. But in my heart, I still saw the big brown eyes peering out of an orphanage crib, and God continued to ease the emptiness in my heart that cried out to bring the babies home.

An email that said "your homestudy has been approved and copies will be in the mail this week" brought all the year past into focus. I do not know the children God is preparing for us, but this is a major step in the right direction. Our next hurdles are the immigration paperwork, fingerprinting, and dossier preparation. Most of that paperwork is completed, just waiting for the homestudy piece that was needed to go with it to the next level.

So, what have we learned? I can't speak for Mike, but for me, waiting for something to happen does not mean that God has changed His mind. For all my questions, tears and fears, God has remained steady, pushing us gently on our path. That's the main thing. Secondly, International Adoption is hard. It's time consuming, and I have to be careful that is doesn't consume my entire life. Life with 10 kids will be hectic, unpredictable, and consuming enough, so adding the IA piece will not make anything else easier. Over the year (plus) we have had opportunity to teach the kids more about the country we will be bringing home our children from. Nicole has done reports for school on Ethiopia. Bella hopes on a daily basis that we will get our babies today, and the other kids have had time to adjust their thinking on what life will be like when we add more children to the mix.

Has it been a good year? Yes.
Was it a hard year? Exceptionally.
Is it over yet? Nope.
But like Mike said when he read the email from Mary Beth, "It feels we are moving again."
Might I add, "in the right direction." Finally. In the right direction.

Homework

We found ourselves completely immersed in the kids school work this week. Taking 10 days to travel to the grandkids really cramped their styles at school, and this week was HOURS of catch up work for the 3 oldest. The younger kids were able to take theirs with us to Jersey, but the bigger kids had payback time this entire week.

By Saturday night, I realized I had omitted working with Tom and Mere on their regular homework, so we pulled out the book called "Hats" and they both "read" them perfectly. They love their kindergarten teacher, and I can hear her expressive reading when they recount what they are learning.

Part of their homework was to discuss the use of Hats and other things we wear. One question was, "What do we wear on our wrists?" Of course the Princess didn't skip a beat when she said "bracelets!". Tom took a half a second longer and said, matter of factly, "Handcuffs."

It made us laugh out loud. What does our little guy know about handcuffs? Ah, the surprises from little lips!

We have our last home visit with our caseworker this week. Not only are we finishing projects and touching up paint that has been scribbled on (only 3 of them are doing that these days), we are cleaning closets and sorting through the last of the summer clothes and hanging up the winter coats. It is Michigan, so day to day weather is hard to predict.

It seems like such a long year of getting to this point. So much has happened along the way, and yet, it feels some days as if time has been suspended. We try to picture who our Ethiopian born children will be, and wish we were closer than we are to meeting them. I try to be patient, knowing God's great plan will bring it all together in HIS perfect timing, but the very human, mother side of me is anxious to put my babies to sleep in their new room. Having met our newest grandson makes it even more real to believe there are children in Ethio that have lost their family and we need to bridge the gap as soon as possible to them.

We like our caseworker. She is working on her own adoption, so she is sensitive to our emotional journey. This visit she will meet our other children, and form her final opinions about our life, our home, and our plans. She has told us she will recommend us for 2 children, and there is no fear that it will all go smoothly (as possible for an international adoption!!) from here. It's just the waiting that makes it seem almost impossible to bear.

I love a plan. I love knowing when things are going to happen, how it will work out and what I need to do to make it come to fruition. In earlier years it was preparing sunday school classwork, and later on, Vacation Bible School at our home church. That morphed into starting a home cleaning team, and years later,an office position that allowed me to help with managing the office, and helping employees with their benefits. I had clear plans for every day, and time tables I could work with.

Once we started with foster care, most of my plans became dealing with issues "on the fly" while getting kids to counseling, doctor appointments and visitations. I kept a meticulous calendar, and thrived in the business of "doing." When I endeavored to homeschool 6 of our kids, ages 11 to 4, I still found solace in a well kept schedule of events.

Fast forward to now. I still have a house to keep clean, LOTS of laundry to maintain, and 6 kids schedules to adhere to with public school. Our Baby Bella is no longer in therapy (praise God!) and the only thing we try to do on a regular basis is to attend 1 hour of Library school each week. Sure, there are days of regular doctor appointments, and all the work of keeping a family healthy, happy and clean. But these days, life is much less busy, many less things to keep organized. I find myself wondering what to accomplish next.

That's where the waiting for our new children gets hard. I have read so many books on adoption, international most recently, and attachment issues. I have read blogs, articles and books on how to keep Ethiopian children's hair healthy. I have stocked the nursery with everything functional and am waiting to see who our children will be so I can buy the things they will need. And I am still waiting...

I guess on weeks like these, I should savor the peace, and relish the lack of business. I am slowing down, learning to take deep breaths and see the silver linings. Bella and I do not miss an opportunity to smell the roses.

And on weeks like this, I am so very thankful for the kindergartener that makes us laugh so effortlessly with his "handcuff" comment. Even in waiting and feeling less busy, there is so many ways to see the beauty of each day.

Adoption Blues

You would think after 7 adoptions, we would be well rounded in the ups and downs of the process. But somehow, this international adoption feels much more overwhelming.
We seem "stuck" in the homestudy phase right now. We assumed (incorrectly) that the Social Worker would be completing his paperwork on our behalf as we completed the construction projects that we are working on to make room for our new additions. However, after the first visit from the SW, we heard nothing until the day of his scheduled second visit. Of course, at the time I opened my email, I was not expecting him to put us off, and we had gone to all the trouble of preparing for a guest to visit, when in all actuality, he had decided much before the appointed time that he wasn't coming. The trouble was, he did not tell us that!! So, to handle the last minute disappointment, we went to the local steak and salad bar, and drowned our sorrows in all the fats we could handle. Even the kids were disheartened that we would not be having our second homestudy visit when we expected it.
So, the rest of the visits are now determined by the projects being completed before the SW returns. It seems to us that he could have done his work while we did ours, and then make the final visit as a "let's see what you have finished" type visit. We are really discouraged that we have been working soooo hard, and the projects to finish do not even have anything to do with where another child would sleep, eat or play!
I know I am anxious to meet our children. I am ready to move on and out of this horrible paperwork phase. I am feeling the tick tock of time moving quickly past us, and I am concerned that our next children will not have to languish in the orphanages too long, waiting for the process in America to be completed so the Ethiopian government can complete their process. It's frustrating to be so out of control of a situation, and dependant on the time frames of other people. I want to know what child is coming, so as I paint his/her/their room, I can decorate it especially for them. I want this paper pregnancy phase to be over, so that we can go through the labor pains and onto the growing years!
Sigh. It is hard to hand it all over. But one night last week, I took the names of the waiting children that I had prayed over and hoped for, handed them back to their loving Father God, and released my emotional hold on them. Will that matter to them? Not really. Will it matter to their government or our government? Nope. But in my heart, I felt like I was trying to keep God in MY BOX under my timing, in my own way. I had to pray that He helped me trust HIS sovereign will in the lives of these children, and that HE would continue to prepare us, and the children we need to bring home will be steadily kept in HIS hands until we meet. It was a big emotional step for me, and I think it brought me more peace.
I am determined to trudge ahead. I want to focus on the joy awaiting us when our children come home. I want to trust in HIS timing to make it all what it needs to be for our family. And more than anything, I want to be able to say, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this path we are walking is exactly where we need to be, at this time, in this way. Because I believe it to be true.
Little children, we are coming. It is our hearts desire to make it to where you are so we can complete our family with your smiling eyes.