Hole in the Wall

There is a show on TV that my kids are really into right now. It's called "Hole in the Wall".

The idea is that a large moving wall comes toward a group of people who form their bodies into the shapes that are cut out of the wall, in hopes of sliding through it without getting knocked into the pool of water behind them. It makes for some fun viewing when the participants are contorting their entire bodies to fit through the holes, while those of us in viewing land are laughing at their wriggling bodies trying to fit through the impending shapes without getting forced into the water.

The point of the show, really, is not so much skill, as it is luck. Sometimes the participants win, sometimes they lose. The losers get doused with water. The winners go to the next round and try again.

There are probably prizes somewhere in there, even consolation prizes for the losers. I never watch the entire show, but the kids love it.

I have a different take on it. I see the participants, who are giddy with excitement, standing close, studying the wall, ready to make their moves. They are in some sort of strange looking wet suits, prepared to fall into the water, but eager to prove that their team will be the ones who can make it through the wall.
They usually get pushed into the water, but drag themselves out, smiling, even cheering on the opposing teammates.

I see myself at the Hole in the Wall in our adoption process. I can contort everything in my life to fit through every shape pushed at me. I can wriggle my way toward every little change being force on me, but ultimately, I feel like no matter what I do, I miss the mark and get pushed into the water directly behind me. I am not drowning, but when I come up out of the swirling mess behind me, I am not cheering at all. I am tired, I don't see any of my team mates and I feel exposed to the world in my wet suit. I am drenched, tired of missing the objective, and still, no closer to the "prize."

Weird, huh? I have had a rough weekend with my thoughts. Those of you who are also on this international adoption path can relate. It's brutal to fill out paperwork after paperwork, just to be told there is still more to do. We know there is a child/or children out there who long to be held in the arms of their forever families, but we fail to reach them. Empty eyes look out at us from agency photographs, and we long to comfort our children, but we are not quite making it through all the holes in the wall. No matter what we do, or how fervent we are at the task ahead, we are not there yet. There are more hoops to jump, more hills to climb, and we fear we will be too late. Will the ever-rampant Malaria of their hometowns kill our weakened babes, or will our prayers for their strength be enough to keep them alive until we get there? Will their medical needs to serious enough for their government to prepare the paperwork that will release them into our arms, but not be so serious that we can not get them what they need before we lose them?

We have fought paperwork for over two years now. We had a couple setbacks where we tried to follow our hearts and go where we thought we should go. This weekend, I am tired. I feel like I am swimming against the tide. Who is for us?

I am reminded that GOD has not changed. HIS plan will come to pass, and we are determined to stay the course.

But it's growing extremely hard. I am worn from trying to fit through each "hole" in the wall of this process, and I am embarrassed to stand exposed to the world. My heart is aching for the child who waits. Pray with me that we will not be knocked down so far that we can not get back up and that we can continue to stay in the "game." We are not losing sight of our gift, but we are growing weary of the path that will take us there.

Sooner, than later, we pray.

More Camping Tales

One of the things Nelly loves the most about camping at KOA's is the activities. She picks up a schedule as soon as we pull in to the campground, and she's scouring every line, deciding which of the activities and the appropriate times that we'll do each one. She even knows who will want to go, what the cost will be, and she checks her watch religiously to keep us all on track.

This weekend they missed the scavenger hunt due to swimming with her dad, but they were rewarded with candy at the camp store the next time they went in to purchase ice. I used to worry that our 7 kids would be a burden when we camped, you know, using more than our fair share of water or electricity, or making more of a mess than the average size family. I now realize we also spend much more in the camp store with our several times a day purchases of candy, pop and ice cream, so I think it all evens out.

It's no doubt most campgrounds know we've been there after we leave. Sometimes we are that "HUGE" family of kids, sometimes we are that "NOISY" bunch, and sometimes we are the "PARADE" of bikes throughout the day that others watch when we ride together around the campground. This time we were nearly out of here without making even ONE spectacle!! Until late last night.

Nelly had waited all day for the BINGO games to begin. She knew it was 25 cents a card to play, but she found out in past games, she really could handle 2 cards at once. I think I heard her mention BINGO at least six times yesterday, so I knew she was hoping someone would plan to join her at the Clubhouse. Tara decided she would play too. Not a bad activity for the two of them just before bedtime.

After they were at the Clubhouse for nearly an hour, we decided to go check up on them and make sure all was well. Mere and Bella decided to ride along with us, so we hopped on our bikes for the short treck to where the girls were playing their game. Bella ran towards the door first, because it took Mere and I a bit longer to dismount our bikes. As we headed for the doorway, I spotted Nelly and Tara at a front table, intent on winning their games. Each had 2 BINGO cards, and were looking for slides to flip over that just may make them a winner. The caller was just finishing calling out, "N-39" when Mere realized the game they were playing. She called out "bingo!" as she ran through the doorway towards her sisters, and I realized the whole room stopped and stared in our direction!!

I covered Mere's mouth, said, "Oops!! No one really got a BINGO! She was just excited to see what you were all playing!!" Everyone relaxed, went back to their games, and within moments, Tara was able to yell out, "BINGO!!" and claim her prize.

Nelly, of course, stayed until the end of the game night, but Tara returned to the camper after collecting her prize. That's typical of them both!!

We are pulling out of the campground now, excited that the next trip is just not that far away! Nelly, I am sure, is already dreaming of the possibilities just ahead!! That's my camping girl!!

Basketball Memories

Today was the first game of the Upwards Basketball season. All nine of us were up and ready to go by 8:30 for the 9:00 game.

I love sleeping in on Saturday, since it's normally the only day to do that. That will be out of the picture for a while. But I wouldn't want to miss Tylers first game anyway. Or watching the other kids while Tyler played his game.

Bella is able to sit and watch most of it this year, which is a huge difference from last year. She found a place on the floor just outside of the court, cross legged, hands folded, ready to watch her beloved Bubba play ball. Her sweet little voice called out to him across the court, "Hey Bubba, go Bubba. Whoo hoo!!" She tried to get his attention several times, and it didn't matter whether he was on the bench or the court. Finally, he glanced her way and smiled. It's really not cool for a 13 year old to smile at his little sister in front of everyone in the gym. She caught his smile, turned toward me and grinned ear to ear, "Momma, he looked at me!" Priceless.

Meredith sat beside Bella on the floor for most of the game. They had bought a pack of gum and were sharing it. Mere was impressing the kids around her with her newfound ability to blow bubbles. As a matter of fact, Bella was so impressed she removed her gum from her mouth, handed it to Mere and said, "Blow a bubble for me, Mere!"

Although it feels like we are transporting everyone of the kids in that gym when we leave our house in the morning, there are actually alot of kids there that are not called by our last name. Since it was the first game, my kids were anxious to run around with the others in the room. There is a bowling game off to the side that they remembered playing last year, so they were excited to get a game going today. While cheering for Tyler's team, I was mindful of the kids behind me chatting and playing, when I unmistakenly hear Mere's voice burst out above the crowd.

"But dad, they are playing with a stranger!!"
Mike kindly reminds her, when they are playing with other children, once you ask them their name, they simply are not strangers anymore.
Case closed. Strangers no more.

Towards the end of the game, Tommy,(5)sees a player stoop down to tie his shoe, mid game. He turns to me, and announces, "Mom, I know how to tie my shoes too. Make an X with the ties, shape a bunny ear here, and a bunny ear here, push them together and pull it tight." Yes, Tommy, that is how you do it. I love the things he's learning and doing.

After a play date with his cousins this week, Tommy plopped his little boy body in his little boy rocking chair, let out a sigh and said, "Whew, I'm poofed!"

Final score, 48 to 52. Close game, good times. All within an hour. I am sure after the girls game at 1:00 I will agree with Tommy's sentiments of Wednesday, "Whew. I'm poofed!"