Home

It is incredibly hard for me to believe I have been home with the boys for three weeks now!! Talk about time flying!! Just to recap, I spent one day short of a month in Liberia trying to finish the adoption of Gborlee and Isaiah. They spent a couple of weeks with me in the hotel in country, and I could never have made it without the help of my sweet friend,Christina, and my new friends Brian and Lindsay. I am so grateful for the ways God met my needs each and every step of the way and that will be a story of length for another time! Now, we are diligently pushing for every service we can find to help the boys. Through some earlier connections with the other kids, we have been able to get evaluations done for the boys for physical and occupational therapies, along with speech! They will be attending the developmental clinic at Riley Hospital for their delays and cerebral palsy issues. We are excited at how quickly it is all getting put into place. My oldest daughter says they had to wait so long to come home that God knows these next steps need to go quicker! I think I finally feel normal again. The flight and time away from home took its toll on my body, but I am back to my normal! I am thrilled to see the boys already learning new things! Gborlee has taken to army crawling and getting all around, and Isaiah is learning to lift his head and hold it up to look around when he is on his tummy! They are interacting and learning to be a part of a family. A family who loves them very much! We are backing up to celebrate Easter and Christmas with the boys this week and then next week we celebrate Isaiah's 2nd birthday!! I think that means a big event is coming up soon! We were at dinner the other night, and as our typical arrangement, the little ones sit closest to mom and dad while the older kids settle in at the farther end of the table. A kind young mom came to our table to ask if any of the kids were foster or adopted. We spoke for a few minutes and she told me her story of being in foster care and then being adopted with her younger brother. She thanked us for what we were doing. It warmed my heart, and I find a lot of people are supportive and encouraging. As we were preparing to leave, the waiter told us our bill had been paid in full!! The family quietly paid for us, and left with smiles. We were not able to thank them, but what a precious gift! Our bill, for "fast food" was over $80. I was speechless, and the kids were amazed that a stranger would do that. I believe it to be another blessing in a path that has been full of blessings with the building of our family! I am looking forward to hearing from our oldest son on the next child to come to our family through adoption. Scott and Britt are waiting for the call for their referral on a baby from the Congo. What an exciting time for them, but also for us! Grandparents have the best of both worlds!! I know they will have stories to tell of their journey to Africa too! God has been so faithful to our family and I watch my newest angels in our home, grateful for the opportunity to be their mom. It's such a beautiful gift to be a mother, and families grow in many different ways. I love the way ours has grown, and we have our perfect dozen! Thank you for all the prayers! We are blessed!

From Liberia, with Love

I am wide awake at 3:45 am, Liberian time.
I have been in country for nearly a month trying to finalize the adoption of our 11th and 12th children, two boys who captured our hearts over a year ago. Our path has lead us to many months of frustration dealing with an incompetent adoption agency out of Indiana, and 3 trips to Monrovia. I was able to connect to a wonderful agency from California, and now the adoption worker is one of my sweetest friends. I can thankfully say now that these tiny boys are now sleeping beside me, beautiful trusting souls who now carry our family name.

I would be the first to tell you, IT HAS BEEN THE HARDEST YEAR OF MY LIFE! It has tried my marriage, my friendships and my family. It has cost far beyond our planned expenses, and I have been through situations I never could have envisioned being in. I have cried, yelled, gained weight, lost weight, experienced physical and mental duress, and nearly given up many times. I have faced officials with highest hopes, only to have them dashed at the last minute. I have learned how strong I can be and how much I hate being without my family. I have learned to Love Liberia and hate it at the very same time. I have resolved to spend the rest of my life caring for two disabled children, knowing in my heart that they will far exceed even my expectations. I have also determined I will do all I can to relieve suffering of the littest orphans in this war torn city, and I will look for ways to minister peace and comfort to the best of my ability to the vulnerable ones here.

I did not start out to be a pioneer, a champion, or a hero. I just wanted to be a mom. I am far from perfect, and my children will tell you how determined I am to follow my heart, but sometimes I fail along the way. I am starting my family on the hardest endeavor we have ever done, but I am also very proud of the way all of them are embracing the change ahead. I have learned things about the older kids that has encouraged me along this difficult path and I have delighted in the youngest of our family that waits our return now with open hearts of love for the brothers they have only known in pictures. I have found out that this "paper pregnacy" is far more difficult than the most difficult pregnancy I have ever had or even known of, but it is now over and I am almost home.

I couldn't have made it even half this far without the support of so many. My oldest children, who have busy lives of their own, have surrounded both Mike and I in the most tangible ways, making us more than proud at how they have all pulled together to support us. The family members who have prayed, babysat, brought meals, and the friends who have done the same and more. Right when we felt our lowest, someone was always there loving us back to reality, that "this too, shall pass."

I am amazed, over and over, how GOD has been my strength, my shield, my father, my hearts desire. I have been lonely for family, but have never felt that GOD had left my side. I was aware of how He had come before me, guided me daily, and gave me peace in some of the most difficult moments in a foreign country. I know He has a fabulous plan for these boys lives, and one day they will bring Glory to Him for the way He will restore their broken bodies and we will be able to experience their spirits soaring !

I am almost home. I can't wait for everyone to meet these beautiful creations of God, who has known them before they even grew in their mothers wombs. I KNOW they had a rough start to life, but they have all the potential to have a bright future.

I would say that International Adoption is not for the faint of heart, but looking at the sleeping and peaceful faces of my beautiful African angels, I would encourage anyone to step out of your comfort zone, and see what God has for you! Maybe it's not the path I took, but there is a path that YOU can take that will make your heart sing and your life at peace because you stepped out and did the extraordnary.

I am still not a hero. I am a small town Mom who followed her heart, and now it is big enough to hold two more special angels. And that makes me one happy momma!
Even all the struggles of the past year can not change the fact that I have been blessed beyond measure and I can not wait to get home!

The next adventure!

I feel like I am sitting on the edge of my chair these days!
Today I return to AFRICA to do all I can to complete the endless forms and appointments to complete our adoption. I will be spending two weeks there, on this huge quest, and am hoping with my whole heart that I will be returning before easter with my babies.
What a whirlwind!

I know when I wait for something it seems like it never gets here! Today, it feels like it came really fast this week, mostly because I couldn't get everything done that I planned to do. Ash has been such a great help and support over the last few days and weeks of waiting, and I have complete confidence in her and Mike while I am gone. I have alot of people committed to praying for me and the boys, and I totally feel God's presence going before me and preparing the way!

I am excited about 2 weeks with my dear friend Christina in Africa! She has a wonderful heart for our Lord, and is a wonderful visionary. She has been called to begin a new orphan ministry in Liberia and has asked Mike and I to partner in prayer with her as board members. I hope and pray there will be other ways to minister with her in this new endeavor and I am so excited to see what God's hand is doing in the land I have grown to love. The needs are great and children are waiting for a place to be loved and accepted. I know we are willing, so we ask God to open more doors for us as we travel there!

I am missing my dear Jenni who traveled in December with me. I felt so blessed to have her with me then, and this time it is in spirit! I know my room will be very still and quiet while I am alone, and I will miss her encouragement so very much. It's a huge and draining experience to be surrounded by all the needs and poverty and I am praying God comforts me and keeps me from loneliness.

My two littles, Tara and Tom finish up their Upwards Basketball season today. It's been a wonderful couple of months of watching them grow and hone their skills, and it's been awesome to see them learn to work together as a team member. I am so proud of them both!

Part of what drives me to adopt the boys from africa is due to the terrific growth I have seen in these 7 kids. Each of them came with poor diagnosis for health, mentally and physically, yet they are thriving and growing in ways we wondered if it would ever happen. There are trials, and heartbreak along the way, but I wouldn't trade it for anything! I am thankful that God saw fit to make me their mother. I have great hope for the future of these boys and what they will accomplish! I know God has directed their little lives this far, and will continue to do it all. They are our miracle boys and will bring glory to the LORD!!

Thanks for prayers and encouragement!! Off we go!!

a loss unspeakable

As parents, we are always thrilled to see our children succeed in life. When they are little, successes may seem insignificant to others watching, but as a parent we are counting each milestone with hearts full of smiles. It is so good to see them thrive.

Now that I have three grown up kids, they continue to amaze me every day. The ways they reach out to others, in their own home and town, and the things they do that make me proud to say, "hey, that's my kid!!" I could list several things in each of the older kids lives that make my heart smile, and swell with pride. Today I want to focus on my oldest son.

Scotty was always a gentle and loving kid, loved being outside doing men's work, and grew to be a successful adult with a wife and three children. The Coast Guard has offered them opportunities they could never have experienced had they staying in our town, although I miss him like crazy. We have shared excitement over his achievements in the CG, but even more than that, his successes as a father. It's never easy to parent, but some people make it look like it is.

Scott has 3 boys, all beautiful grandsons we adore like I never thought was possible. They are the only kids in the world who call us PaPa and Gramma, and their personalitlies are emerging to be loveable and kind children. That doesn't happen on it's own. It takes some pretty good parents. Scotty chose well when he picked is wife, Britt, and they make an awesome team. They are active, healthy, and loving beyond their years. They focus on their bundles of energy and do so many cool things with them. As grandparents, we are thrilled with that for our grandsons. They are happy and well adjusted kids, (not to mention extremely handsome boys too!).

So when they told us a while back that they were pursuing adoption, we were pleased. We knew they had seen our path that was often heartbreaking, trying and expensive. They were not going into it lightly. We encouraged them and were proud of their decision. I was hoping they could sale through the process, and not have any of the pain or issues that we had been dealt over the last 4 years of our journey towards adoption.

I know they considered many options, but they grew committed to adopting a child who was HIV+. They studied the disease, searched their hearts, and knew this child would become a part of their family as surely as the first three. Then they "met" an 8 month old boy from the Congo, who they felt God had directed them to. They would call him "Kembe" and began to prepare for his arrival. The crib was set up, and we all waited patiently as paperwork was completed before their travel to get him.

Then they got the call that changed that plan forever. Baby Kembe had contracted malaria, and did not survive. What a sad, sad call to have to go through. What a devastation to their family and to all of us who loved and waited. He was to be their son, our fourth grandson, and now he was gone.

As christians, we have our deep faith to fall back to when tragedy strikes. but as much as we all truly believed God had a plan, it did not eleviate the suffering of our own loss. We grieved for the baby who would not see his first birthday with a family who desperately loved him already, and we, as parents, grieved for the pain and loss our own children were having to endure.

It is a journey of faith, a major growth spurt in our spiritual lives. It changes what we expected, and what we had hoped for in our future plans. It reminded us again that our children are "on loan" from our God and our plans are not always HIS plans. It is a time to reflect and determine what life really means.

We will always remember baby Kembe in our family tree, although he is going to be celebrating his first birthday in heaven with his Creator. We will shed tears. We will miss what will never be with this precious child. But we also are spurred on to action. Britt has determined that she will make it her mission to help provide mosquito nets to far villages in Africa who have no protection against malaria. We are joining in this cause. It does not bring back the child we lost, but prayerfully, perhaps it will save the lives of other babies in his village.

I have been encouraged that Scotty, in spite of this great loss, has not given up on the plan of adoption that God placed in his heart. I am thankful that baby Kembe has been the beacon that directed them to this area of need, and we look forward to another referral that will match a baby with their awesome family. It's been a loss, but they are turning it into a positive in what they are allowing God to do in their lives.

See what I mean? I love my son's heart. And his family. And his determination to do good in a world full of suffering and loss.
I am proud of you, Scott, and know God truly has a plan for growing your famiily. Thanks for keeping your eyes on Him. It is the only way to make it in a broken world.

Being an old mom

I have been reflecting lately on how different it is to be a mom in my 50's than it was when I first became a mom in my early 20's.
Maybe because my oldest daughter, the one who first called me mom, just turned 30. That in itself is a reason for reflecting!

We started our family when we lived out of town, so we never really had any of the family hoopla that accompanies births day. I didn't have a baby shower thrown by an excited family member, no one rubbed my tummy and wondered who or what the child would look like. We were surrounded by a wonderful southern church family, and they were more than kind and giving, but the "real" family piece was missing.

No one crowded our hospital room, trying to catch those first photos of the new one, and some even took the news of her coming into the family as "not the best timing", being that we were struggling, poor college students far away from home.

We used all cloth diapers, and were able to get formula through the local WIC program. Life was hard.

But, in spite of all the struggle of having a child and being far from family, we managed it and even added 2 more to our quiver before I had to have a hysterectomy and watch the dreams of a large family disappear from our horizons.

We moved closer to home when our first son was one year old, and got involved in family fun and responsibilities, but we found out that the years we had been gone were totally irreplaceable. Our siblings families were in town, and there was a different sort of relationship with their children and our parents than there was with our children. It just happened that way.

Our kids grew up, way too fast, and we entertained the idea of adoption. We were 40, had determined we still had a shot at growing our family and searched our souls for the possibilities. It would impact and change our lives, but we were ready.

We read, and took council from many of our friends and family. We questioned our growing children and decided to proceed. We knew there would be differences that we would have this time around, especially adding 20 years to our aging bodies....and becoming parents to toddlers again.

Some of the things we would learn along the way were givens. Having 3 or 4 toddlers at once meant pushing one cart of kids at Walmart, while pulling another behind me full of groceries. Melt downs in the candy aisle. Added expenses for everything....food, clothes, vehicles big enough for us all, and renting 2 rooms at hotels to fit us all. With 7 new lives, the first three grown and gone, we are still learning.

Like, it is really hard to homeschool ages 15 to 5. Not a failure, but it didn't work well for us the year we did our best to execute it.
NOBODY invites a family of 9 over for dinner. (well, maybe one person does!)
Ballet classes, Y memberships, basketball teams or family outtings always cost more than an average size family.
You eat alot of casseroles and pasta.
Vacations with teens vs toddlers or little people rarely goes smoothly. One group of kids always feel left out or unhappy with the choices for the other group.
I am much more tired. So is dad.
Our parents are no longer interested in being grandparents....BTDT. At least not at the level we wish they could be involved.
Babysitters are never free.
A night out as a couple takes alot of planning.
Once we get out, a high time on the town is relaxing at the bookstore with a warm cup of coffee, until they close the doors at 11. By 11:00 we are ready to go home and sleep...knowing the kids will be up at the crack of dawn.
Saturdays are for games and activities, not browsing the antique malls or sleeping in.
Grandma and grampa are tired, and as much as I wish they were able to be here, alot of times I feel torn between caring for them and caring for the little ones still around me. It's hard to be in the middle when they all need so much care.

Now lest you think I am complaining, stop here! I have no complaints.
I wouldnt' trade the last 10 years of extra parenting for anything.

We have learned more about sharing, more about forgiveness, more about sacrifice.
We have learned about FAS, RAD, ADHD, OCD,PPD, CP .......
We have learned all the things we value are family, friends, relationships.
We have learned to trust God and let the little things go.
We have learned a messy house only means a busy house and there are way too many important things to do. The mess will be there later (and we will still be too tired to care!)
We also know it's OK to have macaroni and hot dogs for supper some nights. Or pizza. Or ramen noodles.

Life is full and rich and good.
Life is too short for regrets.
Life is what you make it.

It's harder some days, to be an older parent.
It's harder, but so worth it.
When a kids crawls in between us because they need to feel secure, we welcome them with open arms. It all goes by way too quickly.


The circle of life continues. And I am still glad we are going around again.

An open letter to my daughter

Letter to my young teenage daughter,

Dear (fill in the blank),
You keep asking me to drop you off at the mall. You want to meet your friends there, enjoy the fun and be able to have a little freedom without a mom (me) breathing down your neck. You have some money in your wallet, the perfect outfit for your mall trip, and all you need is your mom (me) to drop you off.

You promise to keep the cell phone (we bought for the occasion when you were not right beside me) in your pocket, make no eye contact with strangers, and be right at the door when I come pick you up from your few hours of freedom.

I really want to be able to tell you yes. I KNOW you love styles, jewelry and all the glitter and glitz of the mall stores. I KNOW I hate to shop at the mall, and have been over that phase for a long time. I KNOW you believe you are capable of time without your parents, and I actually agree.

The problem with the plan comes down to values. Not yours, but mine!
I value YOU.
I value your innocence, your soul, your purity.
I value your charm and your beauty.
I value your future goals and dreams.
And I dont want any of those compromised on my watch.

You will be grown and gone so soon.
You will have to face the ugly in the world, and the ones who are out there that don't value you like I do.

So, let me ask you this...would I take my purse to the center of the mall, with my credit cards, drivers license and personal information to the common area and leave it?

Would I walk away from the things that matter enough to me that I carry it whereever I go? Would I trust my purse to strangers who would walk past it, look at it, or maybe even IN it? Would I trust that someone would see something they like about my purse, and that they wouldn't just take it with them? Would they handle it, but eventually take what they wanted from my purse, and leave it, discarded, stripped of what they wanted, and put it in the trash on their way out the door to the rest of their life?

No way! I would never do that with my purse!! I would never want to see my things violated, lost for good, pilfered for whatever someone else found useful. I image someone would even look at my purse, make fun of it (it's no COACH, ya' know) or not see the value of it like I do. After all, it's MY purse. I happen to like it, and want to keep it safe.

And that's just my purse. It's not nearly as valuable as you!

You don't feel it now, but time will fly by so fast. Soon you will be out there, hopefully loving your freedoms and be prepared to face whatever life throws at you.

But right now, I am not ready to set you down in the center of anything that feels like you could face danger.
Please trust my judgement when I say, I value YOU.

You are the reason I think twice before I say NO.
So when you hear NO, realize it's not forever, and it's not that I don't want to let you go.
I just VALUE you.

Alot more than that old purse.
Love, Mom

Responsibility

I have a beef today. It has really been brewing for quite some time, but it takes me a while to get it all sorted out in my heart.
It's about responsibility.

I have to start by saying, I am glad my parents were wise about teaching me responsibility. At the time of being a teenager, I probably resisted it. I remember a time I had bought some special shampoo with my own money, because what my parents bought just wasn't good enough for my own hair, and I left it in the family bathroom. Believe it or not, my little brother used it more than once, and I felt that wasn't fair. When I complained to my mom, she reminded me that everything I had ever needed was provided for me and if I bought anything that I was not prepared to share, I needed to keep it put away.

What I learned from that point in life was two-fold. I needed to view my "things" as an opportunity to share or be responsible to keep them put away. If it's out, it's expected to be community property.

How does that transfer to my parenting? Even though its not sinking in all the time well, this is how: my teenagers do their own laundry. Most of the time it's the clothes we purchased, but they have to keep them washed, dried and put away. They don't pay for any supplies, the electric and gas is provided, as well as the soap and softeners. They each get 2 nights a week to accomplish this task, and all they are required to do is to be respectful of the laundry that may already be in the appliances, and follow them through the cycle.

This is where it fails. I go down to the laundry room, and they still have a pile of clothes in the washer. Wet. So, they sat in front of the TV for the evening, and never followed through on their responsibility. Or, the basket of my laundry was pulled out of the dryer or washer, left heaped in a basket, and they proceeded to do their own thing with no concern for what it has done to someone else. That ticks me off. It is ONE of the only things they are required to do without fail, and it's for THEMSELVES and they still can't follow through.

So, I reminded each of them last night, I am not their slave. I have fed them, clothed them and cared for them all. They are each able to fend for themselves in the laundry room and they are creating more frustration for me when they dont' take responsibility for this ONE aspect of their lives. I have told them if I find any of their clothes in the dryer I will personally bag them and throw them away.

Yeah, I am trying to teach responsibility. This week it worked. The dryer is empty today.
Small steps.

I don't normally believe in parenting with such force. Afterall, they are just teenagers, right?
I have to tell myself as I am training them, we have such a small amount of time left. I have 3 teenagers right now, 15, 14 and 13. I keep watching them grow taller, wiser and older ! The time left to influence and train them is going by very fast. My 7 kids at home each have challenges, carry-overs from their families of origin. We deal with RAD, FAS, ADHD, and social issues. Behaviours can be frustrating, and as much as they look normal, each of the kids carry baggage from past hurt and trauma that makes their paths even tougher to negotiate. I could excuse alot of what they do, but instead, I really want to train them up to be their very best!

No one will do their laundry when they leave here. No one will feed them when they are hungry. No one else will be picking up after them. Adulthood is looming largely in front of them all, and they have much to prepare for. Laundry is just the beginnng.

I hurt for parents who are still babying their grown kids. I hate it that in this time of their lives, they are still figuring out how to get their adult children an education, or a home, or babysitters for their children's children. I am all for helping the helpless. But I really strive to be the parent who is conscious of training them while they are home, and setting them off for their futures prepared to excel.

I have three grown kids, married and thriving. It's not that I was a perfect mom, or that we haven't been through struggles. But I am so very thankful that they have learned responsibility from an early age, and when they make choices, they know they will be responsible for the outcome. I believe it has helped them be good citizens, employees and spouses.

Whether anyone else agrees, I see the huge benefits of learning responsibility at an early age. And the funniest part is, my 10 year old is already asking, "When do I get to start doing my own laundry?"

I dont' think its time yet, but I am glad she's already prepared to take that next step into responsibility for her personal life. That makes me proud.

End of sermon.