Tara turns 7

We celebrated Tara's 7th birthday last night at Chuck-E-Cheese pizza place. We ordered 4 large pizzas, 14 cokes and 5 large salads. We went through more than 200 tokens and got enough little prizes to keep the kids happy all the way home. Tara blew out seven striped candles, and just as I shut off the video camera, she called out to her siblings, "Who wants to suck a candle???" It seems that the best part of any birthday cake is the tiny bit of frosting on the end of each candle. : )

It was her glamorous birthday year. She got nail polish, perfume, fancy hair clips and lip glosses. She was so impressed with the cotton candy scented body spray that she ran across the restaurant after opening it to show her older sister. It was all about glam this year. Although a couple of stuffed puppies in the mix didn't disappoint her at all!!

I learned something this year. Mere turned five right after christmas, so her birthday was a simple affair of going to the "Stuff a Dog" store at the mall, dumping nearly $70 on "I just have to have this" items, ate lunch out at the mall, and even had our picture taken together at a pricey kiosk there. The picture, other than being adorable because Mere is in it, is dark, poor quality and not worth the paper it was printed on really. But the idea thrilled Mere, and it was her day. I thought because Mere had not enjoyed all the gift wrap on Christmas day, her birthday two days later was just going to be miserable if she had to open any other gift. Wrong. I should have known. At the end of her day, I said, "Mere, have you had a good birthday this year?" She innocently looked up at me from her bed, and replied, "Not really." So much for the plan I had. Maybe a few wrapped gifts would have been ok after all.

Tara's last thoughts last night were more like it. "It's been a great birthday, mom." But then again, when she got up, realizing today was her "real" birthday, she wondered when the party was going to start today. All day we heard, "It's my birthday today. I get to go first/read that book/do what I want," etc. She carried around the plastic bag of hair ties and beauty products all day today. The day is almost over, and tomorrow we go back to just a regular day. Whatever that means...

Birthdays for kids are so fun. We will celebrate Bella's next. She'll be 2 and her most exciting part will be the cake, I am sure. But then again, maybe it will be opening the presents. Or maybe she will like the candles and the singing. Either way, for Bella, it will not be another regular day. And for the rest of us, it's another reminder of just how quickly the time flies.

Officially attached

Yesterday was a monumental day in our lives.

After much consideration and prayer, we sent the official application to the agency who will be handling our Ethiopian adoption. It's intimidating, exciting, stretching us in our faith.

This was not a quick decision. We had been pondering it for a long time, and since we are not new to adoption, we know it will have many challenges. The seven kids we have added to our family since 2001 have enriched our lives in so many ways (even in the tough days and weeks!!)and we look forward to what the year ahead will bring. We have no idea who God will add to our family. But when I was pregnant with my first three children, the feeling was the same. There are decisions ahead, and we are praying for wisdom at each step of the way.

I have had several people tell me we don't need any more children. After all, we have 10 all together!! But I have considered that statement so many times over the last few months and realize it's not about us having more kids at all. What our endeavor is all about is that we have been touched by the plight of scores of real orphans - children in war torn, poverty stricken lands who are alone and frightened. Children who need the security of food, shelter and love, even if it means being transported to another country, worlds away from all they know, to get them.

I am tired most days from caring for an active houseful of children. I need time away somedays, craving peace from the active world of schedules, little voices and meeting multiple needs 24/7. I tell Mike that he "gets to go to work." He doesn't really get that most of the time. But my heart cries for the little one out there that could thrive with us in our crazy world called life. It's not perfect here, and Norman Rockwell would have a hard time painting our life story. But there is a child in Ethiopia who needs parents, a family, a place to heal from their pain. Somewhere he can find food when he's hungry, sleep when he's tired, and education as he grows. Someday maybe the child we bring to our home will have the confidence to return to Ethiopia and make a difference for other children that we can not reach on our own.

It's a big responsibility, one that we are preparing for daily. We know it won't be easy. Raising children never is. But we are grateful for the opportunity and trust we will be faithful to the calling. Our hearts are open to the child that God wants to put there.

Dark Brown Hair

There are no grey hairs on my head today. It's not that I swallowed the ever-sought after pill for continued youthfulness, I died my hair again. My oldest daughter thought going so dark would not look the best with my skin tones, but I like it. I have joked that I resemble Morticia Adams from the Adams Family show of my youth, but that's not true. My hair is short, where hers was long. And I tend to smile more than she did. Not to mention she was a great deal taller than I will ever be.

What is it about aging that we all want to stop? I want to be a lady who grows old gracefully. Some one with poise and dignity, a gal who others look at and say, "Now that's one classy woman!" So when does that all begin?

I still feel young inside. When a young friend tells me she is unexpectedly expecting her first child, I feel giddy for her. Oh, the excitement that the first pregnancy brings. I wish it were me. I am so glad for her, but I can't believe inside myself that I will never have another child.

When my daughter put the money down for her first house, I could feel the whole excitement of our first home well up inside of me, and I was as excited as she was on the day of closing to get into that house and begin a whole new phase of living.

One of the sweetest words I hear is "gramma." When my grandson, Kaiden, calls me grandma, I would do any thing for him. I would love to have 20 grandkids, or more.

So, what is growning old gracefully? This balance between being a mother, daughter, grandma, friend - am I gracefully handling all the rolls I have been blessed with?

I don't fear growing old. I want to look my best, be my best, and do my best in all the hats I wear. And since my grey's are covered by my new dark brown hair color, I can wave my hat in the air, and love who I am today.

Saying Goodbye

I sit here contemplating growing old. Some days my body screams, “STOP!!” and I am finally learning to do just that. It is hard to stop. After just coming off the holidays, and still having our grandsons here, I just don’t want to miss a thing. But last night, my legs were screaming at me to get some much needed rest, so I turned the lights off, and fitfully drifted into the comfort of my warm waterbed. I dreamed of the days ahead, trying to figure out just what is around the bend for us.
In just a short time we are loading the little ones in the van, and heading to Chicago to drop our daughter Jenni and her husband Jeremy off at the airport. As much fun as it always is to welcome the kids home, today is the painful part. I have never liked having the kids so far away from home (and Oregon is VERY far from Michigan) and saying goodbye after a visit is horrible. I am always grateful for our time together, but it never seems to be enough. I miss the day to day happenings in their lives, and the fact that they get over colds and the flu before I even know they had them. I know they are responsible adults now, but inside my heart is still the desire to snuggle them up and keep them close. To make sure they take their vitamins, dress warm and stay away from all the bad things the world wants to envelope them in. The consolation is that the grandsons are still here for a couple more weeks, so I won’t have to see them all leave at one time. Our oldest daughter, Ashleigh, is planning a wedding in August. We know that Jenni and Scott will do their best to return then to be with us for the wedding, but August seems a long time away.
I know as the holidays come to a close (or a screeching halt even!!) there is much to be thankful for. We are a family blessed beyond measure. We all appreciate relatively good health, and we have had wonderful times together that pile up to be warm memories to sustain us through the rest of this cold winter. Mike and I are considering what our role is to be in the broad scheme of the international adoption world, and we are excited (if not with some trepidation) about what this new year has in store for us all.
So as I sit here thinking of saying goodbye to my second daughter, thinking of aches and pains and growing old, and watching the little ones pack a small sack of toys to keep them busy on the way to the airport, I can say life is still good. And I know that the ONE who sustains me through the rest of my days loves me and my brood more than I can ever understand. And there is no greater comfort and rest than that.

The Underwear Story

This week was challenging on many different levels.
It started on Monday with a call from a friend whom also has much to do with our adopting 7 kids over the last 7 years. It shook me, mostly due to the fact that her voice sounded accusatory, and I just wasn't expecting that from her. After a few terse emails, we got the issues resolved, and parted friends again. Then, I got sick with a headcold/flu type thing, and had to cancel a much awaited outing with another friend. Bummer, big time. But I had to rest up, since my dear husband was facing surgery on Thursday night. It was to be a routine hydrocele hernia. 24 hours recovery.
Right. It was much more complicated, a painful cyst was removed, and he came home with an ice pack where most men wouldn't think of putting one. That night I was exhausted, sick and out of patience with the older kids who let me down with not getting their chores done, and one daughter that had not even done her homework. There were no clean clothes for the 6 year old for school the next day, and my temper flaired.
"Can't anyone else in this family see the things that have to be done before morning??" I hollered. The kids shrunk a little, feelings hurting, and I felt like the worst mom in the world. For one, if I were a good mom, they would be learning these things, and I certainly wouldn't be yelling at them when they "goofed", right?
I went to bed, berating myself for the mistakes I had made, and wishing I could escape with a couple of "shots" of Nyquil for my aching sinus headache. But who would hear my husband if he called out in the night?
By Saturday, in a home where (usually) chores are divided and shared, I was tired, tired, and more tired of being sick and tired. And cranky, and mean. I had to escape. I grabbed a Taco, sat at the Riverfront, and watched six white seagulls perched on their haunches on six posts rising from the dock in the river. Since there were no boats or fishermen out in the overcast noontime weather, the gulls were content to sit and watch the ducks float past, every now and then tail feathers raised to the sky as the critter tipped below the water surface to catch a treasure swimming underneath their underside. I visited two local stores looking for jeans for my ever growing 9 year old, and made it back home in just under two hours to the same (if not worse) chaos I had left earlier. But things were better.
My brother and his wife came to visit, breaking the tedium of the endless work awaiting my arrival, and our visit was pleasant. I had finished sorting through 20 bins of clothing for the cooler weather, placing summer clothes in the empty bins, and sending them back down to the basement for the next season. The work was fast, furius, and at the last minute, three of the girls and I were scrambling to get dressed warmly for our Harvest Party at the Girl Scout camp in a nearby town.
Once I got dressed, I was wishing I had taken more time to find a pair of underwear that were not so tight, and even wondering at more than one point during the evening if I had actually put them on sideways, or something!! It was uncomfortable for a time, but not unbearable, and we went on with our evening plans.
Returning home around ten that night, I finally switched into my pajamas, ready to shed the undies that had been aggravating me all evening. To my chagrin, I looked down to see the entire crotch of the panties had been chewed through by our puppy, and was hanging together with a few threads. NO WONDER I had been so uncomfortable in my jeans!!
I won't forget these underwear, although they went into the trash immediately upon removal!! You see, some days are just like that pair of panties. I rush to put the day "on", get moving even though things may not feel "just right." I struggle and squirm, wishing I were more comfortable, but do not always know until the end of the day when I relax and settle in for the night just exactly what had been bothering me all day. It may be the kids attitudes that "rub me wrong" or it may be something I heard someone say that didnt' feel "just right." It may be that I didn't take the time to thoroughly examine what was causing my uncomfortable feelings, because if I had taken the time to know what the irritant was, I could have changed it and had a better day.
So the underwear story is what I hope to remember this week. If things feel out of place, or awkward, maybe I just need to stop, remove the problem, and start all over again. Maybe I need to take a little more time for myself, making sure things are OK before I start my day. And maybe once I settle in for the night and relax, I can look around me and see just how great things are, and forgive myself for wearing a pair of "imperfect" undies. How good it feels when I don't let my undies get in a bunch!!

remodeling and messes

We are in the midst of remodeling. Now, anyone that has been through this messy process, understands just where I am at emotionally, without me saying another word.
I HATE REMODELING. Don't get me wrong,I love the results of the finished project, it's just living through the process that I hate. The mess, the expense, the torture of living in the midst of the chaos: I hate it all. Since our current project is tearing up 2 rooms on the far side of the house, you would think it would be more removed from our daily lives. But since our new front door was installed at the front of these two rooms, there is nothing we can do to hide the mess from all who enter, and nothing we can do to clear up the mess until the whole process is completed.
With seven children in our home, I am comfortable knowing my house is not going to be spotless for alot of years yet. I also know that my value and worth are not determined by how clean my house is. But what I can't figure out is this: how do you go from start to finish on a huge remodel project without losing your mind completely???
So, this morning, in the midst of fresh sawn lumber, sheetrock dust and stacks of finishing boards that have to be stepped over to use the bathroom, and in the midst of furniture stacked in corners, surfaces stacked with supplies, and pizza boxes littering the counter tops, I know this: someday it will all be finished (or not!) and someday it will all be a part of our past rememberances. And someday when the kids are gone, and there is nothing left to do except vacuum and put dishes away, we will remember the hectic days of remodeling to fit our lives and the growing wonders that keep us busy. We will remember the laughter when we miss the nail head and the jokes we shared as walls crumbled. We will think fondly of the times we spent as a family making our home just right for us. And we will forget the mess that got us to that point.
And mostly, we will be glad for all the times we spent together. The messes will be done soon, and I believe this morning that it's perfectly OK to HATE remodeling!!

Sometimes we just don't understand

It has been an up and down week, and today is only Wednesday.
I had been following a sibling group from Oregon that we were interested in adopting. At times it seemed like it was very possible that we could be adding these darlings to our family, and then the wind would totally go out of our sails. We got the final word from our state, and Oregon, that the total number of children in our home was just too many for either state to approve adding more.
Wow. That was something that hurt really bad. I know rules are always in place because someone had abused a situation in the past, and the rules are to protect everyone. But in this case, it seemed so harsh to say it would be better for these little children to continue to lanquish on a state list than to place them in a family with "so many children." In another day, our clan of seven kids would just be another family. But with family sizes shrinking across the states, we are more of an oddity than any of us would care to admit.
Yeah, we're odd. We enjoy camping and bike riding, and running the big kids to their activities. We enjoy showing up at church, ready to learn how to handle another week by studying what God has for us, all 7 kids neatly dressed, hair combed, and happy. We love taking pictures doing crazy things, like jumping in leaves and body surfing in the ocean. We like to cook hot dogs and marshmallows on a fire, and tell stories of when the "big kids" were little, and watch the little eyes widen with appreciation for what their older siblings have done and maybe even believe that there are still adventures out there for all of us yet.
Crazy? Crazy enough to believe that someone out there still needs the loving arms of a big family to enfold them and help them traverse this big world. Crazy enough to believe that even though lawmakers and judges find our crowd to be "too big", we know we are effective as parents because we care to try it, and stick with it. Crazy? You bet. Alot of people we know don't want to stay up at night with "someone" else's kids and love them through the painful terrors that grip their bodies from the irresponsible acts of birth parents that just couldn't get it right for their kids sakes. Crazy, of course, but crazy enough to believe that in the midst of all our activity and motion, in a house that never stands still and everything seems to move, we believe there will always be room for "one more" . And crazy enough to keep seeking just what it is that makes our hearts sooooo desire to lift the burden of one more child who just may thrive in the crazy lives we lead as a family. A crazy family. And I guess we just like it that way.
An up and down week, but never down for good. Tomorrow will be another "up" day.