WRITERS BLOCK

Andrew Has The Dog

2012-01-04T06:28:00.000-08:00

Taking our granddog, Kodiak, to the airport for his flight home to Puerto Rico, was such an experience, it still has us laughing!

We were able to get to the airport, in spite of a snowstorm that left alot of our area businesses closed for the day. The airport is about 2 1/2 hours from our home, so we left in plenty of time. 6:30 am, for a 12:30 p.m flight. It was still dark out, and very cold. Kodi was visibly nervous as we got into the van, but he calmed down and slept on one of the back seats. Big white dog...with a scared puppy face!

We were able to travel at the high speed of 35 mph, and actually got to the airport in plenty of time for Scott and Kodiak to fly out, but due to the extreme measures it takes to fly a german shephard out of the states, Scott had to spend a large amount of time at the counter getting a new flight that would allow them both to go.

Kodiak weighed in at 95 pounds, crate and all. We had found an airline approved crate for him last summer, thinking eventually Kodi would fly home. Scott was really missing him, and when Kodi first saw Scott when he flew in for Christmas, he kept "talking" his shephard howl, and couldn't get enough of his time with Scott.
Ah, I am gonna miss that dog.

So, at the airport, Kodiak was slipping and sliding on the slick tile floors, totally out of his element. Big dog, timid as a mouse. Every now and then a tiny lap dog would peek it's head out of a posh carryon, causing Kodi to bark in hysterics, wanting to play. I think the other dog's owners thought he wanted to eat their tiny treasures, but not Kodi. He is a big dog with a gentle heart.

At last we were ready to place Kodiak in the hands of a seasoned professional. Andrew appeared out of nowhere, calling Kodi "cute" and rubbing his back. As soon as Kodi would turn his head to face Andrew, he would draw his hand back and take at least two steps further from Kodiak, obviously overwhelmed by his size.

Incidentally, Kodiak was 10 pounds over the limit, but they agreed to let that go. For a time, we figured Kodi may be living with us an additional 2 1/2 years of Scott's time in Puerto Rico, so we kept our fingers crossed. Big dog, living in a little house with 2 other dogs, 4 cats, 7 kids and a bunny. He had to go home.

Andrew tried to set our minds at ease. He obviously wanted us to feel comfortable in his ability to care for Kodi, although the entire time Andrew would have Kodi would be while he was caged. Anyhow, Andrew told us he had raised many breeds for over 30 years, his favorite being his breeding of a shephard and a "doverman" dog. Interesting combo....and Andrew also prided himself in his ability to know exactly what a dog likes.

The conversation went something like this:

Andrew..."I love dogs. I breed dogs and raised many breeds for over 30 years."
us..."Oh, that's nice."
Andrew..."I made them a new years easter bread. It has flour and real orange peels."
us..."Wow, and the dogs like that, huh?"
Andrew..."I know dogs. You know that bread? It has real orange peel. Made it myself."

The entire time I couldn't get the Dustin Hoffman "Rainman" out of my mind. Very similar!! But he took his job seriously, and was determined to get Kodiak safely stowed in the belly of the plane.

As he gave Kodi a last tickle and a "cootchy cooo", we placed him in the crate, and waved goodbye.

"See you in Puerto Rico, Kodiak" and away he went.

Scott called later to let us know they made all their connecting flights, and were safely landed in PR. Kodiak seemed no worse for the wear, and is now adjusting to a life in 80 degree weather in January. Poor dog.

It is obvious that our home is lacking a big dog. I will miss him. But I am so glad he is back with his owner, who missed him so very much the last 6 months.

But mostly, I miss Scotty, my oldest son. He maintains a high standard of excellence in everything he does in the Coast Guard, and he continues to make us proud. It was wonderful having him under our roof, and I am grateful he left his wife and kids here for another week so we can get more loving in on those grand babies. It is always sad to see him go, not ever sure when we will see him again.

But thanks to Kodiak, we laughed until the end, and we know that our family ties will keep us together even when we are apart.

We will miss you Kodiak. And of course, Scotty.

New Years

2011-12-29T06:35:00.000-08:00

Christmas is over, as far as the frenzied gifts, parties and visitors goes. I am hoping the Spirit of the season lives on throughout the year ahead.

So many blessings surrounded us this year. We were able to wake up to the joy of our 7 kids on Christmas morning, along with the three added blessings, our grandsons, Kaid, Keegan and Keane. It's hard to describe the massive amounts of paper, packages and noise when there are 10 children in one livingroom. Awesome!! It was a wonderful feeling having our oldest son, Scott, his wife Britt and their boys home. We missed having Jenni home, and kept the cell phone clicking all day sending pictures back and forth to her, and she to us. Ash and Andy were able to be here for the festivities too, so it was a full day of fun. Many memories,for sure.

Now we are in the middle of the holidays week, planning our family get together for New Years eve, and cramming in just as much as we can before Scott leaves on Monday. Britt and the boys are able to stay until the 11th, so there will be a little more time to enjoy watching the boys play.

I have been very aware of the two little boys missing from our holidays this year. Last year, Gborlee was a new hope in our family, and by March, Mohammed (Isaiah) was also added to our "joy" list. It's been a long, hard year, working toward bringing both boys home from Liberia, and as much as we tried to get all the ends tied up this year, we still came short of finalizing their adoption and bringing them home to our family. We have been discouraged, frustrated,and angered, all the while longing for the day we can begin their healing in America. I realize that once my eyes were opened to the plight of the children in Liberia, and the basic needs they are lacking, the harder it is to live out my typical day in such a blessed country. When we have excess food, I am sorry for their struggle day to day to eat. When I snuggle into my warm bed, I remember the harsh surroundings my boys are living in. When I close my eyes at night, I can't help but wonder how they are sleeping and what activities their days held far across the world from me.

It just was obvious someone was missing.

Now we are looking forward to a new year. New challenges, new hope, new opportunities. As I form the beginnings of the year in my mind, I contemplate what it holds for our family. Of course, none of us will ever be able to know exactly how our days will unfold, but some of the things I hope to accomplish are these: look for ways to help others in need, find someone whose life I can make a major impact in, and rely on God's provision to do my best to alleviate stress and hunger for another human being.

I know I can't change the world. But I do believe I can stand beside ONE person this year and help meet the needs of that person to the best of my abilities. Maybe if all of us could find one person to help, we would see a major lessening of need in our world and we could each grow by giving of ourselves.

Happy New Year to my family and friends. Let's make it a year we can look back on and be proud of. Let's help someone less fortunate than ourselves. I plan to. I pray blessings on each of you as you try to do the same in 2012.
Posted by Faith at 6:03 AM Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to Facebook

It's beginning to feel alot like Christmas!

2011-12-19T07:53:00.000-08:00

Coming back from Africa during the holiday season has really thrown me off! Seeing Christmas trees there in the 95 degree heat, and hearing traditional American Christmas songs on battery operated radios in the village made me realize how close it really was!

And now it really is!! This is the countdown week!! We have spent many weeks remodeling the house and switching rooms around, preparing for the new boys. So, finally, we put our little tree up last night. I found the star this morning, and now I am looking for the tree skirt. And stockings. And deco. My kids were starting to beg me to put the tree up, and likened me to "Scrooge!" Oh how simple it is to bring joy to their little lives. Bella walked in and saw the tree lights up and stopped at the doorway. Her eyes widened and she said, "Wowwwww!" Just like she had seen the real star of Bethlehem. I had decided not to put alot of decorations out, mostly because it means bringing a ton of bins up from the basement. Yuck! But also, I am trying really hard to streamline our lives for at least a little bit. I expect it to get kinda crazy once the boys do come home, with doctor appointments and therapies, so it's in my heart to keep things a bit more simple than usual.

If you know me, you know how very much I love this time of year. The lights, songs, gifts, wrapping...ah, it's the highlight of my life. I LOVE to find special presents for my loved ones, and I work hard to keep the costs low. It's challenging but it really revs my engine! I began wrapping yesterday and spent most of the day trying to complete it. Unfortunately, I had to stop to sleep last night, so I will have to jump back in on that again later today. Tonight we have our friends family over to celebrate the holidays with them before things get crazy!

We will be missing our Jenni this year, but thankful for the two weeks we shared with her before, during and after our African trip together. She is always too far away, but at least we did have precious time together. Wednesday night we travel to Chicago to pick up Scott, Britt and those adorable grandsons. As of this writing, the boys have no idea they are coming to Michigan for Christmas! How exciting when they all figure it out! They will be taking their big German shephard dog home after this visit, so it will feel like we have one less horse in our home. (he's huge, but a well behaved dog. The last 6 months we have bonded!!) The boys will make our christmas VERY MERRY!! I can't wait. In pictures they look like they have all grown so big in the last six months and I am so excited to see them! My kids are giddy, waiting for them, and I probably won't see much of the boys since they will be off playing with their little aunts and uncle!

I have many things to look forward to in the new year. The ministry of Forget Me Not Children encompasses much of my thoughts. I am blessed to have enough money donated now to ship some orthopedic supplies to Liberia, and I know my heart will continue to reach out for ways to help the unfortunate children there. I am thankful that God lead me to the boys, and to the greater needs in their villages. I will continue to pray for what I can do to alleviate some of their suffering.

I also am working with a dear friend on a new business venture. It will allow us to help others tell their adoption stories, and we are excited about that! I am grateful to be surrounded with so many wonderful people who encourage me and help me grow! Stay tuned for the updates on both! Exciting times ahead!

I have baking to begin, and alot to accomplish yet this week, but I wanted to wish everyone of my blogging friends a Merry Christmas, and a peaceful happy New Year. How will you spend 2012? My advice (and I am taking it to heart too!) is to always take time to make memories, and look for ways to change someone else's life.

Love and Peace to you all.

Ahh, Africa!

2011-12-09T04:32:00.000-08:00

Just returned last night from my second trip to Africa. I must still be on Liberian time,(it's past noon there!)because I could not sleep past 5:30 this morning!

As I write this post, Mike is at the Emergency room with Tommmy (7). He was so excited to have me home, he bought me a Slim Jim treat at the store last night, and while trying to open it this morning, he cut his hand with the scissors. I figure it will be stitched, but it sharply brought me back to the contrast of living in America to living in Africa.

The day we got to Africa, which is a story in itself, we were loving on the FMN kids and a little 4 year old showed me a cut on her hand. It was raw, and had dirt in it already. We put neosporin and a bandaide on it, but thru the week I watched it get puffier and infected. We kept adding salve and bandaides, but it really has little hope of healing well without a big scar. I am praying the infection can be less due to the salves we applied. I hope my Tommy comes home with stitches, and I know we can get the help he needs here for that type of injury. Such a sharp contrast.

Delivering a walker for a 5 year old, and a wheelchair for a 6 year old, my mind kept racing to how different life is for my children here. A cerebral palsy child in the states will have therapy and medical care from the beginning of their lives. For these two precious African children, the help they receive must come across a large ocean, from a continent away, from concerned and giving people who feel as if it is never enough to meet the needs we so wish we could. But for Karin and Barry, it will help to change their little lives in their communities. It makes me hope to do so much more.

We fired our agency for our adoption while we were there. Sad to return again without our babies, however, we are at peace that we were able to stop the insanity and corruption that was prevelant from this american agency. What a shame. We are encouraged that we can pursue the adoption through a different angle, and we are grateful for the brilliant minds of the team that God assembled together for the time we were there. We were never alone in our struggles and emotional pain, and we have a plan for bringing the boys home in the next few weeks. We hope what we endured will put an end to the pain this agency could have caused many others had it not come out in the end.

What did I learn? I learned that my daughter Jenni has the biggest heart ever, is capable of keeping me grounded when our world was falling apart, and that she loved the African church service as much as I did! She spent a week on packaged snacks from the US and never once complained. Our airconditioning didn't work in the 95 degree heat, and our refridgerator in the place we stayed never did cool. Our lights dimmed, we lost all power, we couldn't access the internet, our water stopped working and our toilet clogged. Jenni reminded me what a blessed life we have in America each time she said, "well, it's a third world country, after all." She graciously accepted our daily changes, cried with me, laughted with me, and comforted me more than she will ever know. I love the way God has given me such lovely daughters, and thankful for her selfless ability to "vacation" with me in Africa. I will never forget our precious time together.

I learned that sending an email home and having to wait for a day for a reply made me realize how much I rely on my friendships and family connections on a day to day basis. When I would receive a letter from Ash, or Britt, it made me know of their prayers and support from across the world. We all shared in the mission to bring home our boys, and the joy and then tears were between us, even though the miles separated us from each other. Although our grief at leaving the boys behind was thick enough to choke on, our hope for a quick return turned our tears to joy and hope renewed was like a medicine to our hearts.

I learned that I will never hear a honking horn again without thinking of Africa. I learned that the most simple tasks here are darn right hard if not impossible over there. I watched sweat droplets hit a dirty cement floor in africa, as the beautiful christians in a simple church service blessed our hearts with their joy, their songs and smiles at a time when we desperately needed to hear a word from our God for the boys we had hoped to bring home. I learned that our timing is not necessarily God's timing, and it's ok to be disappointed but joyful at the same time.

I saw tears on their faces as my boys were forced into a bad situation, and smiles when they returned to the homes that have securely cared for their needs for the past year. I grew in appreciation for the foster mothers who have begun a beautiful journey of change for my boys, and their desire to change the impressions in their villages of handicapped children and their place in this world. The boys who must be discarded are accepted and loved by a foster family and have bonded well, and they will become healthier bonded children in our family because of the love they have developed there.

I met a biological mother whose eyes showed so much love and emotion for a child she knew she could not keep, and was able to ask her how she felt about giving her child to an American mother who would be responsible to let this child grown with the knowlege of just how precious his birth mom's sacrifices would improve his life. I would deeply touched by the impact of the gift she was giving to me - this precious damaged life who will soon thrive in all we can offer in health that her own village and resources never could do for him. An African mom and an American mom, working together. He got his beauty from him birthmom, and I will love and remind him of his start there. It was a treasure from God to have had the opportunity to meet her and to accept her gracious gift. She chose life for us all. I am grateful.

It was a big trip to a big continent, on a huge mission and a failed attempt to bring the babies home. But our God is bigger still, and we trust the plan to return soon. The big brown eyes in the tiny bodies of our African children draw me back as often as it takes to complete the plan. And the other children and people I meet along the way enriches my life. It is the icing on the cake to trust our minute by minute lives to a knowing God who only works for our good. I will continue to praise HIS name and fight for a people who He has placed on my heart.

a Heart Divided

2011-10-24T15:38:00.000-07:00

Today I feel like my heart is completely divided in so many different places!

My oldest daughter lives the closest, but I haven't seen her in more than a week. She has college courses, a husband, a ton of animals who squeak and sqwauk for her attention. I miss her.

My next daughter lives in Oregon. She will be joining me next month for our African Adventure to bring the newest ones home. It can't happen soon enough for me! I miss her and wish all the time that she was close by.

My son lives in Puerto Rico. His wife is more like a daughter to me than she realizes, and those beautiful grandsons live in the sunshine and rain there. I get pictures all the time, and am thankful for the daily interaction on the computer and cell phones, but boy oh boy, I sure do miss them all.

My kids are all in school now, even baby B goes half days. It seems like I could get alot done at home during the long days, but usually I get started on something and have to remind myself to stay with a project. I miss the noise and lonliness when the kids are gone.

My baby boys are in Africa. I wonder if they will remember me when I go back, and if they will ever understand how long we have waited for them, and how much we have gone through to make this plan happen. Will they be completely overwhelmed, or will they know the places we have created for them in the family, and fit right in just perfectly?

So today, I sensed how many parts of my heart has been divided,and how many impossible miles separate me from all my babies. It will be wonderful when we can all be together someday, all under one roof, and share together in this big family.

My heart is divided, but I look forward to the day all the pieces fit back together. Whenever that may be.

Something is Missing

2011-10-19T06:40:00.000-07:00

I hate it when the house is in disarray and we can't find things. Working on getting things ready for the boys to come home has me scrambling at times and saying more than once a day, "Now where did I put that?"

Organization is one of my most loved skills, but don't look at my house to find it!

You would think planning on adopting these two angels for the last year would mean I had plenty of time to get it all in order, right? Not so much! Let's just say I spent most of that time on paperwork, mental stability, and more paperwork. It has been the longest road of my life, and we are finally coming to the end of that road.

At dinner the other night, Nicole (almost 14) sat down at the table, looked around, and said, "It really doesn't seem like there are that many of us anymore. It really feels like someone is missing, doesn't it mom?"

Now, to be honest, two highchairs have flanked both sides of the table for the entire summer, and no one can enter our home without seeing the photos of the boys lining every empty tabletop in the livingroom. Although we have anticipated their arrival, it is now feeling like things are just not right until the babies come home. It consumes my waking thoughts, and Bella spends alot of time talking about "our precious babies." Mere draws little brown babies in blankets with sweet words of love encircling them, and Tommy even plans to share his trucks with his new brothers. Still, it was nice to hear the perspective of one of the older kids, and the reality hits home that much harder.

My flight is booked. Jennifer, my older daughter from Oregon, has her flight booked. I have my visa, shots, medications. She is ready, too. I know where I am headed and what to expect, thanks to my initial flight in August. It will be exciting to have Jenni with me, and viewing the things I have already seen through her eyes again. Introducing her to her newest little brothers, and watching their bond begin. Seeing the world from a different standpoint than where we are right now, and seeking ways to further elliviate the suffering of our african neighbors.
Spending time with my far distance daughter, and loving the time to reconnect on another level.

Then, realizing that in a few short weeks, our lives will include 2 more lives, two boys who will begin a new chapter, two souls who are worth every bit of investing we can do to make their lives better than where they started. And it's just about time to begin that new journey. Together. Forever.

Yes, Nicole. It does feel like someone's missing, but they will be joining us very soon, and our Christmas this year will also include the thankful hearts of all of our family for the two little babies who will be the best gifts we could ever receive.

the BLUR

2011-09-30T09:22:00.000-07:00

As I sit in yet another airport, waiting for yet another flight, I look back at the last few months since I posted and realize how much of that time has been a big blur!

With my grandson's relocated to Puerto Rico, I expected my next to be headed in their direction. God had other plans.

I was able to make a quick decision to fly to Africa to meet our boys when a wonderful opportunity afforded me to go. I had pictures only, until that first time in August when I actually held them, talked to them, and promised to return.

I have said it before, but let me repeat: International adoption is hard!!! Just when I think we are on target to bring them home, some other force upends the process, and things go "stinkingly" south!

There were so many things that came from my trip to Africa. I met the director of the foster homes my boys are housed in, and caught a whiff of her strong heart and bold spirit of advocation for these special needs children. The 17 kids whom I only knew as names are now alive in my heart, with my mind constantly trying to figure out just what I can do to help them all. I have been blessed to be a part of this ministry, new to me, and so full of promises for the children.

Midst the pain and despair of the villages we visited, I saw hope and love for a project that would encompass children who are normally discarded by their parents, abandoned by their villages, and left to die of starvation. It turned my stomach to see the wretchedness, yet in the very center of it all were brave, God-fearing families who want to make a difference in the children's lives. By accepting them into their foster family, little lives are saved, and the hopeless become strong and valued again.

I had never seen a starving child in real life. It is a vision I can never erase now. The protruding bones, the vacant eyes. We have so much, I can't ignore their suffering.

By partnering with this ministry, I have been able to present photos and plead for the funds needed to keep this a vital project in Africa. I am joining other ladies this weekend who have committed to pray and plan for good things ahead that will be able to encompass more lost souls, give them food and shelter, an education and a future. As I wait for my next flight out, I am mostly thankful, along with excited about the days ahead.

My boys are not home yet...their needs are great. I carry their photos in my wallet, and the feeling of their little hands in my heart. I left them with kisses and the promise to return as soon as I can to bring them home. It's hard to walk away and know they could benefit from so much in our country that they will never have the opportunity to experience there. The therapies, the medical interventions, and the services are just waiting now....waiting to begin their new lives, and join a family full of life that is ready to embrace them.

I knew I was going to meet my boys, and I had hoped to have them home by now. But I am grateful that God's plan is perfect, and He will continue to keep the hearts of the decision makers in HIS hands, and all I have to focus on is HIM. He will do the rest.

I met my boys, I accepted the passion God placed in my heart for the other children who will be left behind, and I willingly walk forward into whatever God has for us now.

It's hard work. But I have the assurance I am never alone.

Thanks for your prayers for the children of Africa.

Diapers, Diapers, Diapers.....

2011-07-27T05:36:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking a lot more about them these days.

My oldest daughter wanted to do something to help the orphanage in Africa,(since she will never be the daughter who travels with me to far away places), so we reviewed the needs list and decided we could make diapers.

We went on a several day material procurement plan, and located flannel of all designs to begin our project.

We studied a few websites, then made our plan. Using a trifold diaper as a pattern, I began cutting material, placing doubled fabric in the center of each cut piece, and handed them over to Ash to stitch.

She recently worked as a factory seamstress, so she was able to figure out the most effective way of sewing each piece for maximum efficiency of time and material. I love the way her mind works!!

We have now finished stitching together over 10 dozen cloth diapers of some of the most colorful fabric I have ever seen! Now we have the task, in the next week, of sewing on the velcro strips that will allow for fastening on the children. I must say, it has been a big task, but each diaper has been sewn with the love and hopes it will be a practical blessing to each recipient.

Doing the math, that means in a week's time we have to sew 3 velcro strips on 120 (plus) diapers, making it 360 more details to finish before I can pack them for the trip to Liberia.

If I had calculated all the details from the beginning, I probably would have stopped before I started! (Ash wouldn't tho. She's determined like that!) I would have bought, maybe, 2 dozen diapers and packed them, feeling like I have done what I could do.

But with my daughters encouragement, we are now looking at many more useful items that are so needful, and all it took was time.

Now I know we all have restrictions on our time. My father-in-law used to say we all have 24 hours in every day. How do we used them?

Those of you who know me, know my heart is softened toward the orphaned child. I know it's where I want to focus my efforts and plan my giving. It's not because of me, I am not special in any way, but I really believe when I asked God to give me purpose, this was my answer.

I also know several people have said "you're crazy" or "what about children in America?" or "you can't save them all."

Yes, maybe I am a bit crazy. I do know there are children suffering in America (sad, but alot of them would suffer less if their parents made better choices, but that's not the subject of this post!), and my heart and efforts look for ways to help them too. And I realize, sadly, that I can not, in any way, save them all.

But what if a choice I made COULD help an orphan?
What if my efforts, big or small, made a difference for even just ONE child?
What if my friends, or family, could catch a bit of caring too, and help in a small way?
Could we all make a difference together?

Sewing diapers has been a good time for me to reflect. I am using my abilities (so far from perfect, but I am getting better at stitching!!) and I am seeing how much one, or two, of us can accomplish.

Many yards of material (on clearance!), a couple of hands and sewing machines humming together on my diningroom table, something we definately take for granted here (diapers)will be headed to Liberia to cover the tiny bottoms of babies who will feel the softeness and warmth from the work of our hands. I love that!

At one point I told Ash that I was getting into the whole cloth diaper thing, and it reminded me of when she was a baby. There were disposables back them, but it was much cheaper to wash and reused cloth diapers, and we needed everything cheaper back then! I was even contemplating making some for our new boys!

Who knows? I think we proved to ourselves that whatever you set out to do, if we do it will all our hearts, we can accomplish "great things!"

And to a wet baby, a nice, dry diaper is a great thing!!

Liberia on my mind

2011-07-25T14:20:00.000-07:00

Not that I am counting the days, but exactly 13 days from now, I will be in the air and on my way to meet my boys!!

I am sooooo excited!! I have been packing bags, making diapers to take to the babies, and deciding what else I can possibly fit in the suitcases that might be useful there.

I am also thrilled to finally meet the stateside director whom, until this trip, has only been an encouraging voice on the other end of the phone! I have enjoyed getting to "know" her, and now meeting her is going to be awesome!! I already love her concern and heart for the orphans, and she amazes me with all she does for "her kids."

Since our boys are housed in separate foster homes, I hope to spend as much time as possible with each little man, and get to know their individual foster families. I have a few gifts for the boys to take with me, but mostly, I am so thankful for the time to love them, hold them and get to know these little miracles that God has blessed us with.

We have a few items that are still hanging out there from the government before we can complete the adoption, but things are moving forward. Unfortunately, we can never guess what that time frame is, but we continue moving on until it's all complete.

I can't wait to look into my sons' deep brown eyes and do my best to convey our love to them. Although they are an ocean and many miles away, our hearts are connected to them and I hope they can feel the arms around them in our place as God's great love for them, protecting them and guiding their futures.

So, as I prepare for my trip, I have alot on my mind. I am excited about the donations that have come in for the ministry that houses my boys (and 15 other special needs children!) and know they eek out as much benefit as they can from each penny!

My heart cry is that no child would be without.
Without parents.
Without a home.
Without food and water.
Without love and care.

I know in an imperfect world, there are those who suffer.
But I thank my Heavenly Father every day that two more orphans are coming home.
And I am so very blessed to be making this trip to Africa to meet the boys who have captured our hearts and prayers.

Soon, dear baby boys, I will be back to bring you home! But for now, I just can't wait to meet you!

Puerto Rico

2011-07-22T12:55:00.000-07:00

Well, the time I dreaded is here and gone. My grandsons are now in Puerto Rico.

I fought it, I dreaded it, and now it's done. Am I thrilled about it? NOPE!

I have come to terms with their move in one way. I believe it is exactly where God has placed them, regardless of how much I wish they were closer.

I know when my first grandson was born nearly six years ago that he had ambitious parents who would do everything in their power to create a good life for him.

When baby number two was born, his parents, my son, Scotty, and his wife, Britt, were already living a full life in New Jersey, with Scotty as a thriving member of the US Coast Guard. They welcomed their third child in Jersey too, and will continue their adoption path to welcome, perhaps a girl, to their lives while in PR.

We have been thrilled to be a part of every one of the boys births, even managing visiting them two or more times a year. Somehow we will do our best to get to Puerto Rico to welcome baby #4 when she/he joins their family and keep up the tradition of being on the spot when the baby arrives!

We loved vacationing in Jersey, meeting their friends and being a part of their lives. We knew the time was waning for their stay in Jersey, and saying our goodbyes to their friends was sad for us too! Of course, the appeal of Jersey, to us, was not the shore. It held our grandsons, which is exactly where we wanted to be as often as we could get there. The friendships we made along the way was icing on the cake!!

Yet, nothing could have prepared us for the goodbyes at the airport. The tears are not because we won't see them again, it's just that we got so used to them being close by and now we are not sure when we can see them again.

I am glad for texting, for SKYPE and all the phone calls we maintain contact through.
I am sad that you can not feel a hug or wipe a tear over a computer screen.

I am happy for the opportunity they have to explore a beautiful island and live among a beautiful group of people. I am sad it is that much farther away.

I am proud of the good work my son has completed as a Coastie. He has made us proud with his accomplishments, and we believe Puerto Rico got one of the best!
I am just sad that we can not be closer to his family.

As always, my God has soothed my fears, and dried my tears. I have no doubt that Scotty, Britt and those beautiful boys are in the hands of an almighty God who will care for them and love them even more than I can. And I am convinced HE has a great plan for them there.

It will be exciting to hear how HE meets their needs, gives them hope and builds them up to serve in a new capacity. As they meet friends, we know they will be building wonderful relationships because of the wonderful friendships they had in Jersey. They are stronger for all they have seen and done this far, and will continue to grow and learn.

Kaiden starts a full day of school next month! He will be bilingual much sooner than I could ever be!! He will make friends and experience a part of life that will be including all he has learned to love so far: sand, sun and surf!

Keegy and Keane will grow up near a rainforest, and experience tropical lives!! How cool is that??

So as I miss them all terribly, I know they will live an enriched life that no one else in our family has gotten to experience yet!! Life in Puerto Rico!!

Thanks for prayers for their safety. My grandsons may not be close to home right now, but they will always be closest in my heart.

And NOTHING can separate that!
Gramma loves you, Kaid, Keegy and Keano.
Never forget, no matter how far you roam, home is always where you are loved. And for you, that is alot of places already!!

Liberia!

2011-07-07T05:30:00.000-07:00

I am still in a bit of a fog...I booked my first flight to Liberia!!

The significance of it is that I finally get to meet the loves of my heart, the two boys that have captured my focus completely for the last several months.

I talked to the director of the foster home where they are living, and asked her if I would be referred to as their Mommy. YES!! I am just so excited to take pictures to them of their siblings, to hold them, to read books to them, to LOVE them!

I know the week will be full of adventure, but mostly, I am excited that I will be able to physically connect with my babies, and assure them that I will be back soon to bring them home!!

I love traveling, but this has to be the icing on the cake for me! Prayers are appreciated, as always, until the time they are here with the rest of us!

Of course, photos are coming soon!!

Flying the Friendly Skies

2011-06-21T07:34:00.000-07:00

Southwest Airlines has the funniest stewards and stewardesses.

While reviewing the safety procedures, the steward discusses the oxygen masks that drop from the ceiling of the craft in the event the cabin should lose pressure. Making sure that everyone was aware of the correct protocol, he said adults should secure their masks first. Then, he proceeds with, "And if you have children traveling with you......I am sorry."

Mere was very interested in the safety procedure leaflet. Looking at all the pictures, she got excited and said, "Oh, can we do the slide to get off the plane?" A man behind me said, "I sure hope we don't!"

Shortly after her comment, a stewardess came on the line, assuring us we were facing a short flight, and she hoped we enjoyed our time together. She also reminded us if our flight unexpectedly became a cruise, we could find life jackets under our seats.

As passengers milled in the aisles looking for their favorite position on the air bus, another stewardess came over the loud speakers, trying hard to contain her aggravation that we were waiting on several folks to be seated so we could begin our trek.

"Ladies and gentlemen, please find your seats....Attention, passengers, everyone needs to be seated so we can secure the overhead storage compartments and ready the craft for flight.....come on folks, you are not picking out fine furniture. Please find a seat....You will only be in this seat for just about an hour...please, set your rumps in the closest facility to where you are now standing....there are no more seats that will appear the closer you get toward the restrooms...."

It was definately a fun flight, and gave us all a chuckle. I don't usually recommend any airlines over the others, but this past trip for us was quite enjoyable...and the free diet coke was delivered at just the right time!!

June 20th. Are you kidding me?

2011-06-20T04:48:00.000-07:00

What a whirlwind this month has been!

There are so many highlights, I would probably feel overwhelmed if I thought too hard about it.

Tyler, Nicole and Nelly all graduated from their current grades with the A/B honor roll. Wow. And I mean, WOW!! Now I house a freshman, 8th grader and 7th grader!!

Tara finished her year on a high note, and moves to the "big" school now. She has done so well and we are entering the 3rd grade without an IEP. Another HUGE WOW!

Mere' is excited to be going into her first grade, full day year in the fall. Sans her "twin", and protector, Tommy. It will be the first year they will be going separate directions. First grade. It hardly seems possible that my "dinky" baby and my brilliant boy are going to school all day this next year. Mere' is a bit unsure how she will manage "on her own," but Tommy assures her she can do it. He has such a confidence in his abilities that he shows no fear like she does. However, she has grown so much and makes a friend whereever we go. I know they will have a great year.

And the baby...Bella is sooooo excited to go to school in the fall, her first time without momma. I do believe she will handle it far better than I. There is something that brews in my heart (separation anxiety!) that makes my knees shake and my head ache!! She will do great and is so ready for school.

Hopefully, by the time school starts, I will have the boys home from Liberia. What a long journey this has been. Mike and I tell each other it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen! Right now, the hold up is our fingerprints expiring. Another slooooooowwwww process, but praying for God's favor and expediant government workers as the papers pass along the way.

I was blessed to spend my birthday in Jersey with those beautiful grandsons. The kids treated me special and it is a birthday I will never forget!! Scott and Britt bought me my first pair of TOMS shoes, which I LOVE!!! The neat thing about them is that for every pair you buy, they donate a pair to a third world country. How cool is that? We had brunch at OC Cafe in Ocean City, and went to a bunch of garage sales!! We walked downtown with their friend Adrianna, whom I adore, and for dinner Scotty grilled Bison and Shrimp Kabobs! Fabulous! My sugars were doing so well that my birthday treat was a piece of cheese cake with fresh strawberries on top. What a great day!

While I was there, Keegan became my new best friend. Kaiden was busy with Mere and Keegy decided gramma was kinda fun. I love his dimples and impish smile. It was so sweet to see Kaid and Mere run to each other each morning with a huge hug and start their days as best buds. I loved it. Keane was so fun with his new sounds and silly faces. He kept me laughing every day. They are all so precious. When we are apart I feel like part of my heart it hanging in the air, waiting for one of them to catch it and keep me alive. They mean so much to me. They really handled the move much better than I expected, and we return this weekend to bring them here. They hope their crates will be in Puerto Rico by July 20th, since Scott has to report by the 15th. Who knows?? They will be welcome here as long as they can stay, and we hope to build on more summer memories before they head out to their new adventures in PR. I know I will miss them terribly until we meet again.

Kaiden finished preschool just before I got to New Jersey. I can hardly believe that first blonde that captured my heart and soul is now going to kindergarten!! He will be attending a school run by the military, and even learning spanish!! What a gift to have the experiences in Bayamon, PR. I will look forward to hearing all that he will be learning, and watching him grow. He has become a good little surfer in Jersey, and I imagine that will be his big focus for a while. He LOVES the water.

Keegy took off on his bike early this summer, without training wheels!! Go, Keegy!! He goes so fast it was hard to video!! He will be home with Mommy and Keane this fall, but that's just fine with him.

Keano continues to amaze me with how much he learns and how funny he is. He is quite the corker, and very amusing!! Too fun!! I know Britt will keep sending me videos and pictures to keep up with their new lives on the Island!

Getting on the plane, Mere could hardly contain her excitement. She wanted a window seat so she could take it all in. She buckled, listened to the safety instructions intently, and positioned herself with the best view.

As the plane took off, Mere braced herself, grinning ear to ear.
"Listen, Mom. We are blasting off!!"
"Oh, oh, look, we are flying!! We are flying!!"

It was worth everything to see her excitement. To watch her face light up and remember the doctor telling us when we left the hospital 7 years ago, not to be discouraged if she "didn't make it." She was flying!! I couldn't have been more excited for her.

It seems like we are all flying these days. Busy times ahead, but we are soaring high and watching the clouds below us.

Life is good.

School Daze

2011-06-02T08:02:00.000-07:00

The school year is coming to a close in the next week, and I was thinking back about the milestones each of the kids has made this year.

Tyler, although a few detentions have frustrated me, has brought his grades up to honor roll status. Just yesterday he informed me he had gotten a 100% on his powerpoint presentation. I think that's impressive, but I was especially glad to hear that the report he chose to focus on was about a physically handicapped young woman. He called her one of his heroes. I liked that. Good job and a great way to end his Jr. High career. He will be a freshman next year. Wow.

Nicole has been in three musicals this year. It seems our van knows the route to practices better than I did! She has determined acting is her LIFE, and knowing her dramatic flair, I think I agree!! She is almost on the all A honor roll, except for her advisory class, which she didn't know turning in assignments was really what the teacher meant...lol...She has developed a mature singing voice, and loves singing and playing her keyboard. Choir has been her favorite class this year. We bought a piano last month so hopefully some lessons are in the near future. She is much taller than me, much prettier than she believes, and much smarter than she gives herself credit for. She will be in 8th grade in the fall, and wants to be an adult more than anything in the world. Sigh...

Nelly, sweet Nelly, is more capable of making friends with strangers than anyone I have ever known. She has had many highs in her school work, and just as many lows. She has no problem doing homework, but it never makes it to the teachers desk until it's marked down to half credit. She scores very high on all her tests, but her method of daily work will need MUCH encouragement when she enters Jr. High in the fall. She enjoyed playing band this year, with my old flute, but wants to try choir next year. She is looking forward to her 6th grade graduation ceremony next week, while I am flying to Jersey. Bad planning on my part, but Daddy will be the videographer in my stead. Big year of learning, growing and changing. She is excited about moving to the big school next fall

Tara. The Reactive Attachment Disorder child that would have trouble attaching and bonding. Wow...she fooled them! Her teacher refers to her at sweet, gentle and bright. She is still the biggest dog lover on the planet, and perhaps the most mischievous of all the kids. She has maintained her strong friendship with a boy named Phoenix that has got to be her exact match in energy and spunk. She is hoping they have the same teacher next year too! She is making great strides in her hand control and writing assignments, and has even caught dad in his misspelling a time or two! She LOVES snacking, making her own ramen or mac and cheese, and can smell candy where ever she is. She is a strong leader, and learning to be a positive one at that. She is going into 3rd grade, and we are excited about the wonderful progress she has made. My blue-eyed beauty, that I swear has a little bit of snake inside of her!!

Meredith, Meredith, Meredith. What a stinker she has become this year!! She is the most loving of all the littles, and wants to hug and kiss everyone. She found out that whining gets her attention, whether or not it's negative!! She is still best friends with Tommy and relies on him probably too much. It's part of the reason they
will be going into separate classrooms for first grade, and she is already nervous about it. She is learning to sound out words, and write her numbers and alphabet letters the right way. She is a lefty and hates her glasses. But her best friends again this year are twins Cali and Cash. She is loving and kind and has been heard to ask others if they have birth moms too! She is starting to understand the whole adoption picture, and is excited about welcoming our new boys this summer.

Thomas prefers to be called Tommy. Not Tom. Not Thomas. He is the smartest kid and has gotten extra attention in school to challenge him. When I asked him how his special reading class was going, he said he wanted to quit. I asked him why would he quit something that he was so good at? He is a tremendous reader! This is how the conversation went:
Me: It's special to have someone extra to read with.
Tommy: I don't' like it.
Me: Why not?
Tommy: My teacher doesn't know anything.
Me: What? Why do you think that?
Tommy: She keeps asking me what a word is. She says, "Tommy, can you tell me
what this word says?" She doesn't even know as much as me.
Me: sigh...
He is the one I ask to fix the TV when I can't understand the remote. He is uber-independent. He loves being outside, bugging the dogs, or searching for a treasure. He is kind when he wants to be, and rowdy when I don't want him to be. He is sensitive and can get his feelings hurt, but he's also quickest to laugh at a joke that the others wouldn't get. First grade. All day school. It just happened too fast for this mamma.

Bella-Boo. She is so excited about going to preschool in the fall. She is registered at the same preschool that started with Nelly and all of the kids since that. She has been in that room for 4 years with parties for the other kids, so she is excited that it is finally her turn! She gave up her pacifier finally, but every now and then will ask for it. NOPE~ sometimes I think she just needs the reaffirmation that she really is a big girl! She is also looking forward to our babies coming home, and prays diligently for them. She rides a bike without training wheels, and exhibits more Independence than I wish she had! She calls me "her majesty" (without prompting!)and gives me tons of hugs and kisses all day long. I know she will change once she gets to school, and I treasure these days with her.

Our two African Angels will be joining us this summer. It's been a long almost 3 years of waiting. The longest pregnancy yet! But we are excited and ready to welcome them into the family and start their healing.

The days are full and busy. Once school is over, the summer fun begins. I am looking forward to the days ahead, making memories and watching the children grow.
I just wish I could keep them from growing up so fast!

Of Frogs and Princes

2011-05-16T07:30:00.000-07:00

The Frogs are out.
Or In.

Meredith loves critters. Any kind. All kinds. Bugs, worms, butterflies, frogs and toads. Especially toads and frogs.

This must be her favorite time of year. The frogs and toads are everywhere. Every day after school gets out, she heads to the back yard, lifting rocks and finding all the hiding places of the frogs she found the day before.

A rainy day is devastating to Meredith, because it means she can not roam the yard looking for her friends. I think, however, the frogs are loving the rainy days!

I usually hear a "whoop". Then the back door slams, and Mere's feet across the tile floors, bringing her newest friend to show me.

"Not so close, Mere. I prefer seeing them more than three inches away from my nose."

"Oh yes, Mere, I believe that may be the same one you played with yesterday!"

"Wow, a baby frog! Maybe you should find his mommy and get them back together."

"No, he can not live in your room."

"As a matter of fact, he needs to be outside. Now."

"Well it may be a girl or boy frog. It's hard to tell with frogs."

"Yes, sweetie, I am quite sure if you kiss him he will NOT turn into a Prince."

Sigh.

Life is so beautiful when you can catch a frog and believe in the impossible.

Diabetes Diatribe

2011-05-16T05:26:00.000-07:00

I hate diabetes. I hate being diabetic.

I have watched various family members struggle with controlling their diets, their sugars and their insulin. It's time consuming, self absorbing, and emotionally defeating.

I have spent months trying to lose weight. It is always one of the first comments out of the doctors mouths. OK. So, I have worked really hard to lose 60 pounds. I am proud of changing my eating habits and increasing my exercise. Success!

But it has not been enough. I am still having a hard time controlling my sugars.

I really don't want to live on insulin. I hate it. I hate how I feel on insulin.

I don't mind taking the oral meds, since that just is easier to deal with twice a day. But my bloodwork proved it has not been enough. Fortunately, there doesn't appear to be any negative effects from my sugars running too high. I can feel my feet, I have no damage to my eyes and my internal organs do not seem to have suffered yet.

Except the doctor can not approve me to fly to Liberia.

That hurt. That devastated me. We were suppose to fly in July.

Immediately, the kids faces floated through my mind. They need me there! They need to come home! I feel like I have betrayed them.

And my body has betrayed me.

So, I regrouped. I am checking my bloodwork 4 times a day again. I am seeing a new doctor this week. I will do my best to overcome what my body is dealing me right now...

Mike asked the doctor what we need to do to change her opinion of when I can fly. It's looking like 3 months at least. Maybe August? Maybe September? It really will depend on how well my body responds to the new plan.

I hate that. But I will continue to do whatever is needed to get those boys home.

But something I wish the doctors would understand about diabetics, is that we are not lazy. We are not trying to sabotage our lives, and we know better than you that we want to be healthy. We understand how difficult it is to live with diabetes, and if you are not diabetic, you have NO idea how hard that is. A doctor may have the technical knowledge of our disease, but living it out is much more difficult than you know. Watching other diabetics lose their eyesight or a foot is sobering. It's constantly in our minds when we take a bite of anything.

I work hard, I struggle daily. I know I can't win this battle called diabetes. But I will keep fighting it every minute.

And I know that in spite of this disease, it does not define ME. I am a child of the King, who has purposed in my heart to follow as He leads me. I believe it is a part of His huge plan to bring home my two little boys from Liberia.

Diabetes will not defeat me. I will hate it and fight it with a vengeance.

A Hair Appointment

2011-05-02T13:55:00.000-07:00

My niece and I are going to get our hair done tonight. It has been one of those weeks where the gray is showing up more. Somehow, gray on my head looks far from sophisticated or mature.

My mom grayed early. She has the type of hair anyone (except her!) would love. Thick, naturally curly, and fast growing. She always had dark hair, but tried coloring it as she aged, but truthfully, the gray has looked the best by far. It's such a pretty color white now, and full enough to flow nicely even though it has thinned.

My dad has nice hair too, but stick straight, thinner now that he's older. It is mostly gray, but it truly does look wonderful on him. My brothers all inherited my moms thick, curly hair, while I got dads straight, thin mane.

Yeah, I hate it. I always felt like I got cheated out of mom's good hair.

Today, I realize I will never gray to white as nicely as hers. So, I am headed back to the beautician.

This is my dilema, however. What should I choose?

My hubby loves red hair. Flaming red. I have had several shades and he loved them all, but it's too hard to keep red looking great between colors. Red's out.

Black. There is something mysterious about black hair, and the time I had it, most people complimented me. I don't really require that, because I like different things all the time, but a compliment is always nice! I felt too much like my mom when I was black.

Due to the black, I also tried various browns. I have probably had one shade of brown most of my life. But it's too predictable, too boring anymore.

Blondes have more fun. Well, I don't know if that part is true, but I have found that a lighter hair tone is easier to balance my makeup routine on, and, it actually hides the gray when it's beginning to peak through.

Oh, the choices. It would be easier to turn back the clock of time, than to pick the perfect hair color.

But tonight, I am in the mood to be different. Who knows? I have yet to try green or purple. Or pink....

It could be that I would find the perfect color tonight, and never want to go back to basics again.

One of the least complex decisions I have had to make lately. I think I like that part the most!

Spring Dreaming

2011-04-26T07:13:00.000-07:00

Easter.
It's such a beautiful way to start spring.

Our Easter this year started with church, and ended with a bonfire at our oldest daughters house. It was the first year that we have had Easter dinner with her at her home, and it was nice to see all of Andy's family there too. Ash had gotten the flu on friday, and my kids were very worried we would have to cancel our dinner plans there. They were soooo excited to go to Ash and Andy's house for the day, and had spent several days drawing pictures for them.

Although the weather forecast was gloomy, the temp was perfect for the kids to play outside in her yard all afternoon. They ate some, but played alot! Andy had organized games that brought laughs from kids and adults alike, and the bonfire at the end was just icing on the cake! It was different from our traditional Easter sundays, but a wonderful day in all!

The kids are divided this year on the Easter bunny. Half of them know for sure HE is not real, the other half are convinced he most definately is! They were so excited to see the goodies he brought, and none of them denied liking the treats in their baskets. I always appreciate the bunny bringing more crafts and things to do in their baskets rather than more candy. Of course, the candy is the favorite, by far, of the children. I think most of it is gone today, except the jelly beans! No one seems to like those, except daddy!

I was poignantly aware of the grandkids missing from our family Easter. I don't think there was ever a time they actually spent the holiday in town with us, but this year, it was just so obvious they were missing. Watching the games with the kids at Ash's house, I just kept thinking how much fun it would be if the boys could be here with us. Having been out there last month, Jersey seems even farther away now, and we all are missing them so much. They are growing, but I wish is were here instead of there. They have wonderful opportunities in their town, but our town just doesn't seem as bright with them not here.

I am so glad that Britt and Scott are great at keeping us in the loop, but I sure with we could be closer. How fun it would be for all of us to be together for holidays. Jenni, instead of Oregon, living just down the road. The grandsons, able to bounce in and out of our house whenever they wanted a gramma fix, and me, (needing a grandson fix nearly every day!) wouldn't have to miss parties or special occasions at all!!

Of course, I am dreaming. It's spring, but awfully rainy for the last many days...so I let my mind wander. I am thankful for our loves and lives, but wishing we were not so far apart.

Happy Easter, Happy Spring. Whether near or far, you are all in my heart everyday and always.

Preemies and hats of love

2011-04-25T13:20:00.001-07:00

We have finally finished our goal of crocheting hats for the preemies at the local hospital. I have bagged the blanket and hat sets together, and the tiny hats separately. As I was putting them in the bags, and looking at each one, I had a strong sense of what each stitch has meant to me through these last winter months.

I love a plan. I do well on projects, and enjoy gritting it out until they are completed. This one was not my plan, but the idea of my niece, Tona, who had just learned to crochet. She and I have both had the agony of preemie babies laying in hospital beds, in isolets, where your whole world revolves around the sights and sounds of babies and families in limbo. It meant the world to us when we spotted the kindness of strangers who wrapped our babies in homespun creations, so we wanted to pay back the favor. When I finally stopped crocheting hats for the babies, I had the most awesome sense of accomplishment. For now. I am taking a summer break, hoping to start again in the fall. It kept my hands busy waiting for my own babies to come home, and it was something I could do on the days where I felt there was simply nothing else I could do.

I know the medical advances that save younger and younger babies each year is mindblowing. The babies are healthier because of the advances of medical science. We were thrilled to team up with the March for Babies this year for the same reason. We were given hope when our babies came into this world too soon, and the March of Dimes is doing the same thing for many other families in our area.

Now that the March is past, and the hats/blankets are done, it's time to deliver them.

I pray as each one goes to the babies they select them for, the families will feel peace and comfort in knowing there are others who have sat in their seats, too. We know their fears, their hopes and their pain in the waiting and wondering. We hope and pray each hat touches a life as ours were touched by strangers long ago.

Total for this year: 12 hat and blanket sets, 110 single hats.
Thanks, Tona, for the encouragement (and a bit of competition!!). You had a great plan, and you should be proud of what we accomplished. Thanks to my friend Pat who donated about 10 or so of her hats too!

As I was putting the hats in the bags, I zipped each one to within a fraction of closing, then hugged the bag to my chest to release as much air as I could.

Bella, 4, watched me as I bagged a few, then put them in the box to carry them to the hospital. She came up to me and asked if she could do that.

I said, "Do what, Bella?"

She said, "I want to hug them all before they go to the babies so they will know I love them too."

Yes, we all love those babies, Bella. And they will be getting a bunch of hugs to encourage them until they can go home.

Peace and love to the preemies.

The History of Two Babies

2011-04-14T05:17:00.000-07:00

After we adopted our 7th child (making 10 total children that carry our name!), we both strongly felt this would not be our last adoption.

We sought God's plan, asking HIM more than once the path we should take to the next child. We knew large families were not typical, but for us, it worked. The state system would no longer allow us to adopt within their system, because they have a number requirement that we had already reached. It forced us to pursue an international adoption.

So we began, in the later part of the fall, 2008. My heart has always hurt for the African people, due to the wars, poverty and illness that was rampant in that country. I prayed, specifically, for Liberia, feeling a deep connection to their people. I researched, felt the tug to begin, and we discussed it with our oldest children that holiday season. By January 2009 Mike and I had a plan to begin the process, and officially made our first moves.

Liberia had closed their adoption program.

Was this a closed door? Should we walk toward another path?
Our options were limited. We had 10 children (although just 7 at home) and we were nearing "old age" in many adoption circles. Who would allow us to bring another child into our family?

We started with a homestudy for international adoption, hitting a brick wall in the summer of '09. Many months of paperwork was for naught, and we were sadly forced to start over, losing the first half of that year. In the adoption world, rules do not always seem fair. And time stretches out in front of yearning hearts, compounding the ache for a child.

I wanted to give up several times. It was so hard to stay focused, especially when many around us couldn't understand our desire for another child. Were we being selfish? We searched our hearts and continued on our journey.

In January, 2010, the birth family of one of our adopted children notified us that another sibling was coming to a birthmom who was incapable of parenting, so we switched our plan to include the adoption of this half sibling. Nursery ready, papers waiting to be signed, lawyers hired for us and the birth mom, everything in place! We were excited, ready to welcome a new little girl, when the out of town judge allowed the birthmom to take the baby home. (She has since lost her parental rights and the baby girl will be placed through the state system after all.) We were devastated at our loss, fearful for the terrible life we felt this baby was destined for, and took time to lick our wounds. I was shaken in my faith, hurt beyond my understanding. Just what was God leading us toward?

As painful as it was to dissect a nursery and bury our adoption dreams, we still felt someone was missing from our lives. Who? How? When? Impossible to know. We stepped through the open door again, making vulnerable our aching hearts. We hid our tears, fought through the pain, and continued on with the international plan.

One of the hardest times of my life...but God comforted me through a beautiful friend who also knew deep loss, and helped me refocus our plan. Ethiopia would allow us to adopt, and as we committed to MORE paperwork, we studied and pictured the child/children who would be coming home to us. It soothed my heart, and I pursued the plan with determination renewed.

Fast forward (although it felt extremely slow and discouraging during this time)to November 2010. God had been working in our hearts to be a part of an orphans life. We had been lead to support a child in Uganda, Africa, and a teacher in that area, also. Although small to us, it felt good to be able to begin making a difference in a country so close to our hearts. We prepared health care packets for Haiti refugees, and found items that would benefit struggling orphanages. It felt good, but still left us thinking there was something more in Africa waiting for us.

We sought an ophan to support through the holidays, but God lead us to the boy who had been waiting for us all along.

Gborlee was born in November 2008. Exactly the time that we first sought God's plan for our lives in regards to adoption. We just didn't know it until he was 2 years old. Coincidence? I don't think so.

He has already become a part of our lives as we reach forward to bring him home. We asked about another child in January, Mohammed, that had just come into care, but he had a family already seeking him. I continued to pray, preparing for Gborlee to come home.

Last week, we got word that Mo was now available too, so we quickly knew it was an answer to our prayers!

We are to be blessed with two!

Maybe all of this history is boring to my readers. It has been a wild ride for us! I know until I have these boys in my arms, I will be fearful about it all actually coming to pass! We have suffered loss and are a bit shy to shout it out from the top of the mountain like we want to! And now, our Ethiopian angel will be coming to us as a grandchild! Scott and Britt are walking their adoption path towards a child waiting for them in Ethiopia, so God, in HIS infinite wisdom, is blessing us in a different way. God is good! HIS timing is perfect!

God, in HIS plan, is blessing us again, with angels from Africa. We couldn't be happier! This will go down as the longest "pregnancy" for our family, but the results are simply amazing.

I wonder just what God has in store for our family in the days ahead?
What are you asking HIM for today?

April 14th already?

2011-04-14T04:47:00.000-07:00

I am sitting in the middle of April, wondering how to stop time flying by so fast!

We have been so blessed in the past two months.
I was thrilled to go to Oregon to see our second daughter, Jenni, in February. With her living so far away, I am never sure just when I will see her again. It's usually far between visits, but just 6 weeks later, we were able to be together again in Jersey.

We had scheduled for Nicole, Bella and I to fly to Jersey over spring break so we could help with Scott and Britt's adoption awareness event on the first of April. As final plans were being made, Mike decided he just couldn't miss out on this opportunity to see those adorable grandsons! We talked about taking my great nieces with us, because Macy and Keegy have this adorable friendship and it seemed like a great time to get them together. Well, that plan transformed to Macy's whole family going! 15 of us, 15 hours one way, for 10 days! AWESOME! It is always the longest trip in the world, but nephew Billy was a great chauffeur and delivered us safely to their doorstep!

Britt and Scott were fabulous hosts, housing all 21 of us in their home, by cooking, laughing, playing guitars and chasing kids! Jenni had flown in the night before us, so was able to have a day with the nephews before we got in. It was so great to have everyone together. A bit hectic at times, but more laughter and joy than anything else.

Being at the adoption event was awesome. They are on the path to adopt a special needs child from Ethiopia. Sound familiar? Our path has gone on for the last 2 1/2 years now, but that does not scare them off! God has placed an awesome desire in their hearts to open their home to a child who needs a family, and we are delighted to travel this enormous journey with them. Their good friends, Ted and Holly, are on the same path, and sharing this event with them all was truly a gift! We wish them all the blessings of God on their journeys, and that their financial needs will be met as they move forward. How exciting for us, as grandparents, that the Ethiopian child we dreamed of will be coming home in the form of another grandchild! God is so good!

Sending Jenni back to Oregon was hard. I always hate goodbyes. Leaving Scott and Britt and those beautiful grandsons was hard. I will return in June to help them pack for their next assignment with the Coast Guard, getting them ready for the next phase of their lives. Scotty was just sworn in for 3 more years, and as much as I wish they were closer, I am thankful that a powerful and loving God will never let go of their hands. They have more adventures awaiting them, and HE knows exactly where that will lead them.

Coming home is always a let down after all the excitement of a vacation, but it was wonderful to see our oldest daughter, Ashleigh, who kept the home fires burning in our absence. Looking at each of our children, we feel extremely blessed. God is at work in their lives, they are sharing their talents with others, and they share a great love of life. As parents, who could ask for more?

We are blessed. Thank you, dear Father, for the ways you enrich our lives.

I mean, really, it's just hair!

2011-03-28T05:39:00.000-07:00

I am always amazed at what teenagers can come up with.
My 14 year old spends most of his time in trouble.
Often, it's minor offenses at home and school.

But lately, it's been mounting to more and more serious.

The part that is so frustrating to us as parents, however, is that even in the midst of his punishments/consequences, he is clueless to why he's in trouble.

Last week he was suspended for the entire school week. He had mooned the bus driver from a neighboring school, from his bus. The principle was not amused. We were not either. He didn't think it was a big deal at all.

Although it was a prank years ago, it's considered "indecent exposure" now. NOT GOOD. This comes on the tail of other offenses on his school record, typically relating to how poorly his choices are. He usually tries to blame it on someone else, but come on, he is old enough to make his own choices.

So, he's been on house arrest all week, doing hard labor at home. Raking, moving stacks of wood, pulling out bushes. One day he thought he had done all he needed to do for the days chores, and started shooting baskets at 1:00 in the afternoon. OOOPS. NOT . He ended up raking until nearly dark that night when his dad got home.

We thought by giving him this type of work, he would be able to reason that his schooling was important enough to do his best, otherwise this is the type of work he will do for the rest of his life, for lower-than-he-thinks-he's-worth paychecks.

I don't think he's getting it.

He also complained all week about needing a haircut.

He has thick hair, too curly and unmanageable, unless it's short. We gave up taking him to the barber shop because we pay so much for a cut that never suits him. We tried salon's - same thing. He complains. We all agreed he needed a haircut.

What he hated was his dad doing it.

What??? We have been cutting his hair for the majority of time he has lived with us. Over 5 years of haircuts, and all of a sudden, he thinks he's being punished by getting his hair cut.

Really??? Like we have nothing better to do with our time than cut his hair to make him mad?

He complained. He nearly cried. He got sooooo mad.

Come on! It's just HAIR!

The saddest part is that he is more concerned with his hair than his behavior.

I overheard this conversation during the haircut.

Him: "Why can't I get a hair cut that I pay for?"
Dad: "You could. You have enough in savings for one. The bank is not open tonight and you need it cut. What happens in 6 weeks when you need it cut again?"
Him: "You hate me."
Dad: "It's hair. I would rather you were more worried about what you are on the inside instead of the way you look."
Him: "I'm not."
Dad: "I know."

He sees himself as a ladies man. He's a very cocky guy. And he really does not care what people think of him as a person. It's all about the look.

Well, he got his haircut. He's still mad this morning.

Welcome to the land of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. The world where brains don't function like they should, and being a teenager just makes it all the more difficult.

Times like this, I would love to meet his birthmom. I have ALOT against her.

I wish I could say things will get better. Usually I am just holding my breath until the next offense.

Hair or no hair, I love him, but won't tolerate his bad behaviour. It's terribly disturbing to see him self destruct when he has so much potential.

And that, folks, is a typical weekend with this kid.

I am so thankful for my fellow bloggers that have encouraged me along this path. It is tough to go it alone.

Ahhhh, Spring...

2011-03-27T05:32:00.001-07:00

It seems like March has gone by so fast in our world! We were complaining about all the snow (ok, I was...) and now at the end of the month we are finally seeing sunshine! If we can get the temps back into the 50's I think I can be happy for a while!

Spring. Ahhhhh, I love it. New growth, warmer temps and the promise of summer coming soon!

Another part of the end of March is our trip out east....New Jersey! Since our kids are going to be stationed in Puerto Rico this summer, this next trip is our last family time heading to the coast. We probably would never have spent time in Jersey had our kids and grandkids not ended up there, so we cherish the memories of the times we have had together. We are already saving up to fly to PR sometime in 2012, but until then, we have 10 days to enjoy time with the kids/grandkids before they move.

We are specifically heading out for an Adoption Awareness/Fundraiser. Scott and Britt, along with their dear friends, Ted and Holly, are hosting this event on April 1st. They have an evening planned of music, Ethiopian coffee, desserts and alot of door prizes plus raffles. The community is coming together to help both families succeed in their Ethiopian adoption plans, and we couldn't be more excited! Being with them during the event is such an awesome opportunity, and being a gramma/pa pa to an Ethiopian angel is so exciting! We are proud of the kids for their loving hearts. They are great parents to our 3 grandsons, and we are thrilled to see them step out in faith to bring this new baby into our lives.

Our second daughter, Jen, is meeting us out there. Our niece, Tona and her family are going with us! 15 coming from Michigan, one from Oregon and the 5 already there, we are packing their house to the max!! 21 people for 10 days!! What a full, exciting time!! We have already decided if it gets too complicated, us girls are going shopping!!

Spring is a time of growth. This is how our family is growing. Stay tuned for more...

The Blessing from Uganda

2011-03-16T13:50:00.000-07:00

I was so blessed to be able to take several of my children, along with my niece Tona, and her oldest daughter, to listen to a children's choir from Uganda.

What a treat! The children were traveling with the African Renewal Ministries as ambassadors for their hometown villages and the ministry that has impacted each of their young lives. They were ages 9 to 14, and I fell in love the moment I saw their dark faces and beautiful shining eyes!

These children came with sad stories of their lives of poverty, AIDS and hunger. They sang their hearts out and recited beautiful words of the Bible, in testament to the ministry that brought them words of salvation in their darkest days.

Most had lost parents, survived extreme poverty and know what it's like to go to bed on empty tummies, without a loved one to tuck them in and offer them hope for tomorrow.

They were rescued by the words of strangers, offering food, warm beds and a word of hope. They were not alone.

I was so blessed by each of their songs, these talented youngsters that had so much to cry over, but stood before us with wide smiles and a song in their hearts.

They danced, paying tribute to the Americans who provided food. They beat their drums, raising young voices to the sky in praise of their Father God who has met their need for food and shelter. They shouted with enthusiastic voices for the opportunity to thank their supporters, and the hope of gathering more people who could give a portion of their income to send to a far away country, so that their villages would have a hope for their futures, too. We are connected in this big world.

At least 600 children have been privileged to get this type of support that allows them food, schooling and the knowledge that someone a long way from their homes was concerned about them. Concerned enough to do something for someone else.

My Nicole was moved, as I was, to give what she had to give. I have carried their songs and beautiful smiles in the deepest part of my soul this week. I have prayed for them, asking MY Father what HE would have me do to alleviate the suffering of a child I may never meet, in a town I will probably never travel to.

I know the people in Japan are suffering greatly. The devastation is immense. Lives have been lost, ruined. I have prayed and my life has changed in the past year that I have held up the Haitian people before God in prayers, midst their pain in the tragedy of the devastation they suffered last year. I hear the stories of suffering, loss and grief. It moves me deeply, knowing my offerings to be so small, even insignificant in the monumental scheme of world suffering.

But on this night, I also heard the story of hope. Of Love. Of belief in a God who has never failed. A peace in the midst of life's storms.

Henry, one who benefited from the support of people he may never know, is such a man. He speaks softly in his home village in Uganda, but has a big voice for his people while in America. He loves Africa, his home. He is grateful for America, the people who gave what they could give, so he could LIVE.

He told us of a time when he was nearly blind. The glasses provided by a missionary had broken. In his country, losing his eyesight in Africa would be the end of providing for himself, his best option would be as a beggar on the street. He went away to pray, seeking God to restore his vision. God, in all HIS infinite power and grace, restored Henry's sight.

Henry, bringing us into his circle to pray, is thankful for his eyes. He was healed because GOD had a plan. As Henry speaks and prays to our small family group, he is bold and confident in Christ Jesus. God had a plan. Henry is part of that plan.

Henry prays for the child that has captivated our hearts and minds in Liberia.
Henry prays for our family, our health, our concerns.
Henry, as part of God's plan, holds our hands as he intercedes on our behalf.
God is using Henry.

My Meredith was fascinated with Henry's hands. They reminded me of the long, strong hands of my oldest son, Scott. She repeatedly counted his fingers...1,2,3,4,5. He laughed as he held up his other hand, allowing her to count all 10 of his lean fingers again. In the simplicity that Mere is known for, she said, satisfied, "your fingers are just like ours!"

Just like ours. Henry was just like us.

Had Mere' been born in Africa, she would not be the curious 7 year old who is growing and thriving.

Who would Henry be, had he been born on American soil?

I know we will never know those answers, but the thing I DO know for sure, and carry confidently in my heart is this: God spared Mere's life for a reason. HE has a plan for her.

Just like his plan for Henry. A man who walks with God.
A warm, kind and soft spoken man, who is grateful he can see.

And I am grateful that in God's plan, I met Henry. I will probably never see him again this side of heaven.

How many more Henry's are in Africa, praying for something that I could give?

What can I give for Africa?

Let's Talk T.P.

2011-03-09T14:34:00.001-08:00

I think I am developing a morbid obsession with toilet paper.

I know, I know. Well-mannered folks do not discuss toilet paper. But I have to get this out of my mind.

We have a lot of butts in our house.
Mike and I have the largest, and then there are the seven smaller ones who live with us. Counting all the people who enter through our revolving front door, (and most all of them need to use the potty) and the occasional party, there are numerous butts to consider. But I have come to believe their sizes are not the issue here.

I just want to go on record and say I believe our family must be the largest consumer
(is that the term for t.p?) in town. We buy the largest pack, after many years of scientific research, of Scot Tissue. It has the most sheets per roll, has the best breakdown ability so our toilets won't clog, and it is perfume free for all the sensitive skin. It's a bargain per roll that I can not pass up!

I can stock up on everything in this house and can whip up a soup or sandwich, plus dessert, with what I keep on hand, for any one who stops by and needs to eat. I never run out of snacks, tooth paste or dental floss. I can find meat in the freezer, and there is at least a half box of cereal some where. But somehow, we are always on the last roll and have had, more than once, someone stranded.

It's usually me.

Now, I am the one who buys the TP in bulk. I feel like I am carrying pure gold as I labor to stash it on the highest shelf, out of reach of the ones who think it makes an excellent crafting material.

I have accused the older kids of stashing it in their rooms for evil TPing events.
I can never find it there.

The littlest of the kids are apt to be the stingiest users, and actually, the majority of the time I have to remind them what it is for.

But today, TODAY, I proceeded to the Throne Room just to find out the last roll, indeed, had been shredded on the floor. The ENTIRE floor. Although Scot Tissue is not known for its cloud-like softness, I believed as I traipsed through the shreds that I must be walking on clouds. No one in my family would have shredded THE LAST ROLL!

Since everyone but Bella and I were home this morning, and we had not had any visitors yet, I suspected immediately it was her.

You know who she thought it was? Carl.

He's our dog. In his cage. Sound asleep.

What would you do?

So, I gathered up a sufficient amount off the floor to finish my business, checked the supply in hiding, realizing I would have to make an emergency visit to the local Walmart, AGAIN, and turned the light out as I left the restroom.

I thought briefly of the money I am saving while I turn off every glowing light, and I tried not to obsess about the money we have just wasted on the choice of usage on that last roll.

However, I also wondered, how many rolls do NORMAL families send to the sewer on a regular basis?

And, would it be entirely weird if I labeled each one, dated the rolls, or some other way
try to account for how much TP our family uses? Kinda like a library system, although not one where they had to return anything. But, you know, a certain number of sheets per person, checked out on a daily basis....my mind wanders with the possibilities.

I am thinking the Scot Tissue company should be sending us a great big thank you note any
day now.

Hopefully when it comes in the mail, I will not be stranded!

Spanish Lessons

2011-03-09T07:45:00.000-08:00

Ever since hearing that my oldest son and his family had received their orders to transfer to Puerto Rico with the Coast Guard, we have talked about learning Spanish.

It will be needful for them, of course, to be able to communicate with the locals there, but I am so glad it's not me.

I feel like I struggle sometimes just finding the right words in English, although I had always wished I could speak another language. I just feel too old to tackle something that big at this point of my life.

But I do know it is much easier to learn an alternate language the younger you are. Scott and Britt are turning 25 this week, so they could learn fairly easy. Their kids are 1,3 and 5. They will learn it even quicker!

So, as we watch Dora, The Explorer (which is mostly referred to here as Dora, De Esplora) we learn common words in the easiest way possible. We know a lot of our color words, numbers and what to say for open and close.

This week, I couldn't help but chuckle when Bella asked, while watching Dora, what did "Da mucus" mean?

In all my Spanish language wisdom, I was stumped. Da Mucus?

In the background I heard Dora singing to her friends.

"Way to go, Amigos!"

I turned to Bella, and said, "Oh, do you mean Amigos?"

"Yep. Da Mucus."

So, that's how she has learned it, from the expert Dora.
Please, do not be offended if she calls you da mucus.
She is really just saying she wants to be your friend!

Adios!

Life and Death

2011-03-04T04:55:00.000-08:00

My uncle is dying.

I went to lunch with my parents this week. I try to do that as often as I can. This week we discussed death, and all the things no one really wants to talk about.

It was hard.

It is hard to see my dad's last brother slipping away. As he struggles finding the reality, he is living day to day knowing it's getting closer. Of course, we all are getting closer to death each day of living, but once you get that actual "Dr. Said" notice, it must be frustrating living out the last of your minutes in vague understanding of what is happening as your body fails.

I saw my uncle last summer. We have had a long distance relationship with him for years, as he has lived a solitary life (of his choosing) many, many miles from home. My generation has spread out far and wide in this world, but most of my aunts and uncles continue to live close by.

Except this one. We maintained contact via emails, and occasional visits. The last one was when he returned for my grandma's funeral. He was struggling with clear thinking back then, and I began to realize the days were getting shorter. I probably will not see him again before he's gone.

I look forward to the reports I hear of how he's doing. My cousins, his children, are doing good at keeping the rest of us updated on his health. He sounds happy and is being well cared for.

But it's hard to see.
And it's getting harder for my dad.

He lost his first brother almost 16 years ago to a tragic auto accident. It reshaped the lives of our entire family when he passed.

Now, Dad is realizing the memories they have always shared are mostly now in his own mind. When his brother is gone, he remains as the oldest of the siblings, but what he shared with his brothers will be his alone.

It makes him sad. He is grateful for his 4 younger sisters. But he seems to feel like a lone wolf, in charge of a dying pack.

Death is hard.

I look at dad, strong and proud. He is slowing down, his health is poor. He doesn't ask for pity, he just needs someone to talk to. I know his days are not long for this earth, and I know his passing with be difficult for me.

But I also know that I have been loved and cared for over 50 years now, by a loving father, much softer in heart than he appears on the surface. Many of my life values have been shaped and polished by this man. He says he carried me the first five years of my life. I hope to help carry him the last years of his.

Life. Death. It's all we have. I hope I am making the most of mine.
I know my examples have been the family men that I have looked up to.
Heaven will welcome them when it's their time to enter the pearly gates.

And God will bottle our tears. Psalm 56:8

Dancing Beauties

2011-02-28T13:57:00.000-08:00

When you house alot of females, there tends to be alot of talk about dancing. At least here, anyway.

Last Saturday night Mike accompanied two of our young gals to the Daddy/Daughter Dance at the school. It was put on by our Partners for Children group. The theme this year was Mardi Gras, and each girl received a feather mask and colorful beads. They also had their photo taken with daddy, and I am excited to see how that turns out! Daddy still has sore leg muscles today from all the hopping, jumping and dancing around the gym. The girls didn't complain at all!

The planning for this event has gone on for weeks, here at home and at the school. My girls do not get alot of new clothes, so a new dress was a huge part of the excitement for them. My niece, Tona (her daughter was attending too) and I searched for the perfect dresses, and found little princess dresses for all our tiny girls. My girls had to look at their dresses for 2 weeks before wearing them, and carefully hung them after the dance so they can be princesses again for Easter Sunday.

Another fun dance is at their ballet classes. Miss Jenny has been involved in teaching ballet since my Nicole was young, and it's been fun seeing the next ones have the instruction she provides for early dancers. They take 6 week classes and enjoy the fun of tutus, ballet shoes and sweet recitals. I have so many pictures from all the classes, and the best part of them all is the smiles on their faces as they prance around and show us what they have learned in their classes. Is there anything prettier than a ballerina?

Sometimes Tommy feels pretty left out. He really wants to take a gymnastics class at the local YMCA. We will look into that when the girls dance classes finish. I think he will enjoy it, and there are many times he's left out with all the others his age being girls!!

So, tonight is their 5th week of dance class, and then we'll get to enjoy their recital in 2 more weeks. The girls don't look ahead to what's coming. They are just enjoying living in the moment, just like a child should be.

Dance, little princesses, dance!

I am Moving!

2011-02-23T18:15:00.000-08:00

I am moving!

In our marriage of almost 31 years, we have lived in 14 different homes. Most were rentals between Virginia, Tennessee, Indiana and Michigan. We have bought 4 homes, each time selling to move up in space or to better accomodate our growing family. Currently we live in the farmhouse my grandparents built from the rugged ground up in a sparse neighborhood in the 1940's.

We have painted, scraped, remodeled, added on, and thoroughly lived in every space of this house. We switch rooms around about every 6 months, rearranging the way we utilize every inch of the place.

Now it's my turn.

I have been blessed to be married to a guy who has always supported my craftiness. I enjoy painting, sewing, cross stitch, decoupage, stamping and scrapbooking. I actually have the biggest room of the house for my hobbies, and I do share the space
by storing kids craft items too.

But now I am moving. I am moving into a much smaller space. I will have to downsize or reorganize alot of my stuff to fit into this new space. I may have to part with things I have had for years.

And I am thrilled!!

You see, by moving from my old "office" to my new (and much smaller) office, I am making the first huge step into physically preparing for our newest addition!

We are currently waiting for a foreign government to issue a visa for a special needs child. He is just over 2 years old, and we have been waiting for him since November. We are hoping the government that holds the keys to his future will make the decision really soon to issue a visa that will allow me to go get him and bring him home into our family.

By moving my office to the smaller room, the newest addition to the family will be on the ground floor with all the children, and as he learns to walk, he will not be hampered by stairways. He will have the noise of the house as he learns about us, and yet he will have the back room that will allow him some peace when he needs it.

We have chosen the material for his curtains, and we have discussed the paint colors and are ready to make a decision. He has a giraffe print rug and a toy box already full. We have stacking blocks, shape toys and plenty of soft stuffed animals to cuddle. I have made blankets, and have clothes from 6 mo to 18 months, separated in containers for easy access. We have toys to help him learn and grow, and plenty of folks ready to love and encourage that growth. We have contacts for his medical needs, and are ready to start the therapies that will help him gain strength. We are waiting. We are ready.

With every stroke of the brush as I painted my "new" office today, I kept thinking of this child that we have already fallen in love with. Will he love us? How long will he be afraid of all the "firsts" he will have to go through here? How long will it take him to attach to us, while detaching from his current caregivers? Is the emotional and physical neglect he has suffered already in his little life going to hamper his future growth and development? Can he sense that he is loved clear across the world by this family, and can we ever show him just how much he was wanted and treasured all these many months of waiting for him to come home?

I am so glad to be moving. With every box and shelf I carry to it's new home, I think of him. I picture exactly how his new room will look, and I can not wait to be done with the move and start putting his things in place. It will be warm, and comforting, and full of life.

And soon we will welcome him home. But it's not soon enough for me!

"Are you scared?"

2011-02-23T13:40:00.000-08:00

Anyone that knows my Tara knows how much she hates to be in any confining situation! We started parenting her at 17 months old, and have been thrilled to see how much this Reactive Attachment Disorder, Intermittent Rage Disorder and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder kid has grown, and thrived!

For the most part, she is a beautiful blue-eyed blond, tiny features and sparkling spirit! But we know, underneath it all, she still hates to be confined. Getting seat belts on her and keeping them on has always been challenging, and there were many years that even a hug would send her reeling. Now, happily, she seeks out hugs and affection. What a change and what a blessing!

This weekend we were able to go spend some time at an indoor water park about 45 minutes from our home. We planned a day to swim, a night at a hotel (with more swimming!) and the next day of waterpark fun again. What we didn't plan was the fever that hit 3 of the kids on the morning of the second day, forcing us to come home (plenty of tears too!) with a promise of returning to finish our second day soon.

We also didn't plan on the freezing rain that came overnight, and the extreme cold that set in (again!) It made our drive home somewhat treacherous. But we made it home. Gramma wasn't able to join us because of the weather, but we plan to see her again soon.

We also didn't plan the malfunction that could have ruined our entire weekend.

It started with Tyler knocking on the bathroom door, from inside. I was the only one in the room at the time, as the rest of the crew was getting in an evening swim at the hotel pool. No one but us were at the hotel, so it was like having this huge mansion to ourselves! Nice! Tyler had come back from the hotel weight room, and wanted to change into his suit to finish the night with a swim. I heard the knock, and wondered why he couldn't' get out of the bathroom. It seemed the lock had stuck, so I grabbed the only tool I could find, a plastic coffee stirring stick.

I poked it into the little hole in the knob about 3 times, finally triggering the lock that was stuck. It opened and Tyler went to swim.

About 9 that night, the rest of the kids came up from the pool, taking turns changing into warm jammies, and ready to settle in for the night. Tara was in the bathroom tub, so I was shocked when Mere tried to get in to change our of her suit and the door was locked. I asked Tara to unlock it.

"I didn't lock it mom. She can come in."

Right. The knob turned, but would not release the lock. Major malfunction. I tried every coffee stirrer I could find in the room, and nothing worked. Tyler insisted a credit card would work. Nope.

We assured Tara several times that we were working on getting the door open. I figured one of us would snap the lock at any time and free her.

Nope. Mike called the manager, who came up with her "key", assuming Tara had locked herself in the bathroom. That sounded like something the manager had dealt with before! After 10 minutes of her trying, she decided it was out of her league, so she called the day manager in. Apparently, the day manager knew something about locks, and wanted to try her own hand at it.

By 9;30, Tara was still stuck in the bathtub. We were keeping her calm by promising a trip to the candy machine and she assured us she was fine. As long as she could hear someone, she sounded calm. At one point, Nelly slid a piece of paper under the door that said "Are you scared? Circle YES or NO" The paper came back, with the NO circled. I thought it was funny that she sent a note under the door, because we had been talking to her the entire time!

By 9:45, both managers had been fiddling with the lock, unsuccessful at removing the handle like they figured they could do at one time. Finally, one of the girls twisted the handle, while the other one slammed her body into the door. Woosh!! It flung open!

There was Tara, crouched under the large sink and counter, shreds of toilet paper all over the entire floor! But she was calm!

We praised her over and over for how she handled it. I know, from the paper she had shredded, she was feeling the tension, but she handled it really well. And of course, before the manager left, Tara was out in the hallway headed to the vending machine and her promised treat!

I am glad that Tara came through the situation so well. I am thankful that the managers took good care to ducktape the lock shaft so it would not happen again.

What surprised me though, was that they never offered more than an "I'm sorry about that." We paid $130 for the night to rest and relax, but for more than an hour we had strangers in our room, and a bit of fear to boot! I thought maybe taking something off the bill would have been nice....

But I am glad it all ended well! And breakfast in the morning was really great. All in all, a successful mini-vacation!

Plus, Tara had an exciting story to tell her friends at school on Tuesday!

Bella and Boo

2011-02-15T06:32:00.001-08:00

The movie, "Monsters, Inc." is one of my all time favorites. The older kids have seen it numerous times, but this past weekend was Bella's viewing of this fabulous kids movie.

At first, Bella (4) didn't want to see it. The title scared her a bit. But we told her if she kept watching it, she would see a happy ending. Who doesn't love a happy ending, huh?

As the monsters of the movie scare all the screams out of their tiny subjects by sneaking into their closets at night, Bella really got into the movie. Then the baby Boo enters the scene, and Bella is completely hooked.

During a couple intense spots where the monsters are trying to out-scare each other, Bella huddled in a bit closer. But overall, she seemed to be enjoy the show.

Until the end. As Baby Boo is returned to her own closet, and has to say goodbye to Sulley and Mike Wazowski, the tears were flowing. For Boo, and Bella. The credits roll, and Bella is still sobbing.

I had to stop the older kids from poking fun at her. I want her to know it's OK to cry when something touches your heart, just like it's perfectly fine to laugh when something tickles your funny bone!

It was the first time I had really seen her tiny heart get sad at a movie.

But, the next morning, Bella was asking to watch it again. I said she could, and was waiting for more tears at the end. Instead, she turned to me, completely sad (but no tears) and said, "Poor Boo. She was left in that closet. Why doesn't she have a mommy and daddy?"

So, that was the part that saddened her. It wasn't having to say good bye to her new friend. It was not that she was scared. She felt empathy for little Boo that she was alone with no parents to care for her.

I know it's typical for her age to start really understanding a movie. And cry when it hits the Hallmark moment. But I am glad, at least for Bella, that her emotions were unleashed for the baby, whom she thought, was all alone.

She's so much like me, it's uncanny.

Hole in the Wall

2011-02-14T15:37:00.000-08:00

There is a show on TV that my kids are really into right now. It's called "Hole in the Wall".

The idea is that a large moving wall comes toward a group of people who form their bodies into the shapes that are cut out of the wall, in hopes of sliding through it without getting knocked into the pool of water behind them. It makes for some fun viewing when the participants are contorting their entire bodies to fit through the holes, while those of us in viewing land are laughing at their wriggling bodies trying to fit through the impending shapes without getting forced into the water.

The point of the show, really, is not so much skill, as it is luck. Sometimes the participants win, sometimes they lose. The losers get doused with water. The winners go to the next round and try again.

There are probably prizes somewhere in there, even consolation prizes for the losers. I never watch the entire show, but the kids love it.

I have a different take on it. I see the participants, who are giddy with excitement, standing close, studying the wall, ready to make their moves. They are in some sort of strange looking wet suits, prepared to fall into the water, but eager to prove that their team will be the ones who can make it through the wall.
They usually get pushed into the water, but drag themselves out, smiling, even cheering on the opposing teammates.

I see myself at the Hole in the Wall in our adoption process. I can contort everything in my life to fit through every shape pushed at me. I can wriggle my way toward every little change being force on me, but ultimately, I feel like no matter what I do, I miss the mark and get pushed into the water directly behind me. I am not drowning, but when I come up out of the swirling mess behind me, I am not cheering at all. I am tired, I don't see any of my team mates and I feel exposed to the world in my wet suit. I am drenched, tired of missing the objective, and still, no closer to the "prize."

Weird, huh? I have had a rough weekend with my thoughts. Those of you who are also on this international adoption path can relate. It's brutal to fill out paperwork after paperwork, just to be told there is still more to do. We know there is a child/or children out there who long to be held in the arms of their forever families, but we fail to reach them. Empty eyes look out at us from agency photographs, and we long to comfort our children, but we are not quite making it through all the holes in the wall. No matter what we do, or how fervent we are at the task ahead, we are not there yet. There are more hoops to jump, more hills to climb, and we fear we will be too late. Will the ever-rampant Malaria of their hometowns kill our weakened babes, or will our prayers for their strength be enough to keep them alive until we get there? Will their medical needs to serious enough for their government to prepare the paperwork that will release them into our arms, but not be so serious that we can not get them what they need before we lose them?

We have fought paperwork for over two years now. We had a couple setbacks where we tried to follow our hearts and go where we thought we should go. This weekend, I am tired. I feel like I am swimming against the tide. Who is for us?

I am reminded that GOD has not changed. HIS plan will come to pass, and we are determined to stay the course.

But it's growing extremely hard. I am worn from trying to fit through each "hole" in the wall of this process, and I am embarrassed to stand exposed to the world. My heart is aching for the child who waits. Pray with me that we will not be knocked down so far that we can not get back up and that we can continue to stay in the "game." We are not losing sight of our gift, but we are growing weary of the path that will take us there.

Sooner, than later, we pray.

Oregon

2011-02-13T06:19:00.000-08:00

Can you say, "Jet Lag?"

I had a wonderful trip to Eugene, OR for my daughters Art Show. After a delay getting out of town, and running from one end of the O'Hare airport to catch my flight to Portland (which was-thankfully-delayed also), I settled in to sleep on my
nearly 4 hour flight. The flight out was uneventful, and I got to Portland right on time. Unfortunately, my luggage did not.

Jenni found me at the airport right on time, aided by a sign she had created that said "MOM". We had a great laugh, and set up a claim for my lost luggage. It seems it had not even left South Bend yet!

Portland is 2 hours from Eugene, so we had a wonderful time to chat during the drive. I wasn't able to see the area because of the midnight skies, but that would come later. We stopped at a local Walmart so I could buy an outfit for the following day, since that was the only store open at 1:30 in the morning! I bought the necessities and left the store $60 lighter... We made it to Jenni's apartment by 3 am, and stayed up til 6:30 getting the rest of the prints bagged for her show. She knew we were looking for a long day ahead, and had to be in Newberg, Or by 10. We slept for 1 1/2 hours, and got up to hit the road. We also had the worst coffee in the world from a gas station, but the diet coke did the trick for me. We were able to get her art work hung and ready for the show, then had a nice lunch at a local bar. Meeting Jenni's friends was definately a highlight for me, and I met alot! I enjoyed them all. It will be nice to have the faces to go with the names when she talks about her friends now.

The show was a beautiful success. Not only did she get to see some of her artwork go out the door with her sales of prints, she was treated wonderful by the salon staff. Their were fingerfoods, wine, and a local band. We left about 9 pm, with a
1 1/2 hour drive back to Jenni's apartment. I am not sure how we stayed awake for the drive home. Whew....I was trashed!! I fell asleep on their comfy couch, with the comments of strangers running through my mind about my daughters Art. What a great experience for a proud mama to hear others praise her daughters' creativity. I have all those beautiful comments stored in my heart. I knew all along she was wonderful, and now there is alot of others who think so too!

The rest of our time was a blur of activity. I crocheted Jenni a pair of slippers while I was there, and during the Superbowl I was able to finish 3 hats for the preemies at the hospital. I also made a pretty white hat for the bartenders newborn niece. Jenni told her I love to do things for others when the dear lady wondered what she owed me. She has me pegged!!

We were able to spend the day I had to flyout in Portland. We walked through China town, and I was able to bring home a newspaper that impressed the kids with all the chinese writing. That was the coldest day there, and I was glad for the long sweater that I was able to wrap around me as we walked. Once the sun came out, we were much warmer! We also found a great little antique store in town, and a few vintage furniture stores. What a great time!

One of the things I realized being there is how much Jen and Ash are alike. As adults, its neat to see their mannerisms and expressions are so similar. Even though they live far apart, I can really see their sisterisms! I also realized in all the years Jenni has been gone from the house, this is the first time we really had so much "US" time. We went to a Casino, walked the Hobbit Trail, and roamed the coast looking (and finding) sand dollars! So many precious memories!

So, I came home to sick kids, (someone had been sick for Mike the whole time I was gone!) and severe jet lag. That 3 hour time difference took me all week to shake off!

Back to normal now, loving life, and grateful for the opportunity to be with Jenni at a turning point in her life. I know she will see success in whatever she does. And I can't wait to go back next summer!

Next up: Jersey in March to see those grandkids!

Oops, DA Bears...

2011-01-23T17:02:00.001-08:00

I am not into football. I really don't care who plays, who wins, or who loses.
My family, however, feels differently.

I was not home for the kickoff of the Bears/Packers game today, but when I came home, I realized I should have stayed away longer.

At one point my 6 year old son says, "Bubba, why isn't Notre Dame playing today?"
Bubba: "They are college."
Tom: "Oh, and college doesn't do football?"

That's about how I feel. I know the difference between college and pro ball. I just don't care.

I don't really get all the hype. I took a nap.

I woke up to "UGH! The Bears LOST!"
Ah, well.

So we know that Packers are going to the Superbowl. I won't care about that either.
I will be miles and miles away from home, spending a wonderful weekend with my second daughter, Jen, in Oregon. My family will be watching football, cheering the Pack (for my son-in-law!), but Jenni and I intend to be soaking in the hot springs, eating out at fancy restaurants, and loving being together. Sooooo much more important than football. I don't care what team you are talking about!

I am trying to get kids settled into bedtime routines, but they are playing football in the livingroom. The floors are shaking, the walls are closing in, and I just heard Mike say, "Anyone whos last name begins with a "C" needs to get ready for bed now."

I repeat, "Kids, it's bedtime. Football is over."
Bella, giggling, said, "It's not football mom. It's college."

Sigh.
Maybe with that spirit all of them will go on to higher education.
But for tonight, football is over. The TV is mine now. All the kiddos are going to bed.

Sigh. Oregon is looking better and better every day.

Sorry Bears. Maybe next year. However, I don't believe it will mean anymore to me then either.

Games

2011-01-21T13:36:00.000-08:00

Games.

My kids each got at least one new game for Christmas this year. They are doing a good job of sharing them, and they are even taking pretty decent care of them. It makes a mother proud. (grin)

When I was headed to bed last night, I noticed one of the games on the diningroom table, and the little monkey pieces were scattered across the room. I stooped to pick up the tiny, brown, curled-tail game pieces, thinking about how many games we play in our grown up lives.

We dance around sensitive issues with friends. We see things in their lives that disturb us, and at best, determine that our choices will be different. We want to be honest, but sometimes honesty (although the best policy, still)breaks the playing board in half, scattering games pieces (pieces of our heart)across the room. It is sad, and no matter how hard we try, damage is done, sometimes irreparable.

At this time of my life, I have friends who are facing aging parents, retirement years and tragic illnesses. There are funerals of older folks (who were ready to go) and younger folks (who had no business dying so young). We have played the game of life, some scoring big rewards for their labors, and some left holding the cards that had somehow scattered across the floor when they turned their heads. The game of life moves quickly, there is really no "get out of jail free" card. We don't really get the last spin of the wheel. When the game is over, it's too late.

Heavy thoughts like these accompany as I climb the old stairway to my room. I ask myself again, in this game of life, where am I? Obviously, I am not just now jumping off on the first square of life, because even when I don't look closely, I see and feel the wear and tear on my "game piece." I may be mid-turn sliding on the slippery chute or rolling the dice to see if it's my turn to climb the ladder. What awaits me at the top of that ladder, or who is waiting at the bottom of that slide?

A game.

My husband comes to bed, snuggles beside me and says, "Our Meredith wants to be a mom when she grows up."

"Yeah? What prompted that?"

He tells me how she had picked out a sherrif set at the dollar store, complete with gun, holster, and a badge. It was the last thing she was playing with at bedtime, so he asked her if she was going to be a sherrif when she grew up. He was ready to talk about how awesome it would be to catch the bad guy, or help someone who needed assistance. She got out of bed, put her badge on her dresser, and said, "Nah. I want to be a mom. I want to get married and have kids. Yep, that's what I'm gonna do."

Mere' is opening the box to her Game of Life. She's starting to pick out the pieces, just now beginning to play the game. What will her future hold?

I will not be here to see her every move, or watch as she places one piece in front of the other as she moves around the board. Maybe she will make choices that takes her to the BIG finish proudly, or maybe she will choose a path that will have bumps in the road and she'll wish she had another turn.

We all get one life. One game. I pray that when I round the corner of my game board world, and the top closes, my game will stand out as a good one. One that leaves my children proud. One that made a difference in the broad scheme of life.

One that someone else will say, "I'd like to play that game that she was playing."

"I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die." John 11:25,26

ICE Day

2011-01-18T12:56:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. Since my children did not have school, we were able to watch the wonderful, and stirring speech, "I have a Dream!"

By last night, I was more than ready to put my 7 to bed, and get some peace and quiet. At six this morning my hubby gently brushed my hand to tell me school was cancelled again today, due to an ice storm we had in the night.

I am thinking that if that happens again tomorrow, I will personally drag everyone of them to their respective schools on sleds. I honestly think one more day together will be the demise of at least one of us. Probably me.

We rearranged furniture, the younger kids played outside while the older kids fought and aggravated everyone else. We had a cooking lesson of sorts, but that backfired when the Jr. Chef went to his room room while the pot of chili burned. Nothing smells worse than burnt chili, unless it's the popcorn that was cooked too long in it's plastic wrapper. That made me so glad I got some nicely scented candles for Christmas!! The kids want to eat about every 21 minutes throughout their waking hours. Honestly, how do the survive the day at school?

My older daughter, the thirteen year old, has learned the knack of disappearing. She has crafted behind closed doors for most of the day. She comes out of her cave to eat, get a drink, or borrow craft supplies from me. Today she has been painting and decoupaging some boxes. She wanted as many old magazines she could scrounge from me. Of course it would be wonderful if she could incorporate her love for crafting into, let's just say, a tiny bit of time with the Little's, and get them into a project too. No, they mess up her creativity flow.

Since she took my older magazines, obviously she has been reading them, because she just came out and asked me if she could have a heart attack or stroke at her age, because she knows she has had some of the symptoms she saw....I advised her to eat healthy, get more exercise, and eat less salt. Yeah, I read it too.

My oldest boy at home has pretty much been in his room sulking. And reading. He had his PSP taken away for an infraction at school last week, and come to find out, he's too old to go outside and play in the snow, and too lazy to cut and stack wood. Not on a snow day!! I reminded him it's technically an Ice Day, but I guess there is no difference.

The 11 year old has been grounded off the TV for ...well, most of her life. She can focus soooo well on any television show, but as for schoolwork, she can hardly remember her name and class assignment. We figure sitting blankly in front of the TV can not possibly encourage her brain growth, so every time she slinks into the living room today I have had to kindly remind her she is grounded... Apparently their is absolutely nothing to do left from her Christmas craft kits, or books we bought her, or games to play. She almost made me feel sorry for her...NOT!

The youngest 4 have decided that they should be as loud, as crazy and as abstinent as possible today, just so I won't really miss them as much when three of them return to school tomorrow.

Not to be trite, but just like MLK, I have a dream.
And if they are home again tomorrow, that dream will be a nightmare!!

I am praying for spring!!

Beans, The Magical Fruit

2011-01-13T09:57:00.000-08:00

With over two feet of snow just outside my door, today is a perfect kind of day for soup.

Not only does it sound warm, but I love the smell in the house as the soup boils over the bright blue flame, making me feel very domesticated. I am no chef, but somehow a large pot of fresh (or frozen)veggies mixed with spices and a whole onion gives me a sense of profound accomplishment on a cold day.

Today I decided (when I found a hunk of ham in the freezer), was a perfect day for old fashioned bean soup. The kind that I always remember on the back of the stove in this very kitchen when I was young. I thought when gramma lived here when I was a child, that she had invented bean soup. I was really surprised when I grew older and heard of other families that grew up with the savory goodness that I remember so well.

So, I chop the ham into pieces, pour water over the bag of pintos, and realize one bag just won't do it. I have checked every cupboard twice, along with the whole basement storage shelves where extra food is stored, and other than 4 bags of dried kidney beans (yuck), I had just washed the last bag of beans in our house. One bag of beans. That would never work for this hungry group of 9.

What to do...?

The answer came from above.

No, heaven didn't call, but when I looked up on my high kitchen shelf, behold, an antique jar full of mixed beans hovered just above me.

I quickly grabbed a chair, reached up to the jar and....oops, there are also kernels of corn laced in between the variety of beans.

As I stood beside the counter, sorting kernels from viable beans, I remembered the cause of the mixup. Another winter day my children anxiously searched for a remedy to their snow crazed bordem, I handed them glue, a jar of beans, a bag of popcorn and construction paper. The end results are long time gone, but the remnants of their extra supplies lived on in the antique jar.

Now, the beans are boiling, good smells wafting in the air, with the hope of a warm evening meal, and the extra kernels of corn are in the antique jar. I could have thrown the kernels away, but we still have a lot of snow coming in Southwest Michigan, and as far as I know, when my kids are bored they will be asking me for an idea of a craft.

Gee, how about a kernel mosaic, kids?

What makes me the Saddest

2011-01-11T16:23:00.000-08:00

Sadness is an emotion that can drag a person to the depths of darkness. I try really hard to be an upbeat person, but there are times in my life where sadness overshadows my optimism and I find it hard to shake the pain that wants to defeat me.

I realize there are alot of things going on around me that is great. My kids are meshing in our home, in spite of alot of things that could be seen as obstacles to that process. They have some struggles from their difficult starts to life, but they also are dealing with normal issues for children their ages, and I love that. They are learning to be "normal" kids ...whatever that means!

My husband works hard, in spite of the atmosphere in our local economy that hit his sales career too. He never grumbles about working harder, longer hours, well after he puts the kids to bed, and before they ever get up in the morning. I am proud of his dedication to "keep on keeping on" and his ability to let negative comments fall away. He keeps his mind on taking care of us, his family, and I am proud of that.

My parents, though aging and dealing with their own issues, are still with us and we love being able to meet them for a breakfast on the weekends, or enjoy a visit when they drop by. I am thankful we both have our parents, and realize these days are numbered. In the broad scheme of life, we all know days are fleeting at best, and we are all aware of just how precious each contact is.

My biggest kids, all doing well and loving life, and my darling grandsons thrill me with every single video, phone call and contact. I am grateful in a busy world that each of my kids still phone and send emails, and find ways to stay connected. I know some families don't have that, and I cherish it deeply.

So what makes me sad?
I read a blog I follow with great interest, of an orphanage in Liberia, West Africa, that is doing its level best to make a difference in the lives of orphans there. One of the children, a beautiful little girl, with Cerebral Palsy (manageable condition with therapy and support in America) has just lost her life due to contracting malaria. She died. She should be living.

I know several people who struggled throughout the holiday season, missing loved ones who left this earth entirely too soon, some with great promise of a productive future, had they been able to live it.

I heard of a young man who just lost his father due to health issues that went unnoticed by his doctor, until it was just too late. Too late for him, and a tragic story of a young man who will miss his father like crazy for the rest of his life.

And then there is the daily stuff that totally destroys some people. Their inability to face their giants, and slay them, or their mindset that life is just too difficult to deal with in a productive way, so they slam their "life is bad" attitudes around, like broken furniture, for others to fall over or get hurt on.

It's normal for people to be upset when life hands them lemons, but sometimes we need to quit sitting around waiting to see how many lemons we can gather, and just get up, get out, and make the positive changes that need to be made to make a happy life for ourselves.

None of us are perfect, and everyone has stuff to deal with. So, it makes me sad when I see people NOT deal with their issues, and I am sad that I keep tripping over their broken furniture and getting hurt, when all I really want to do is see them succeed.

Life is short. I want to see happiness around me. I am not oblivious to the fact that for alot of people, life, at times, is hard. But there are also other times I want to shake some people and scream, "Life is pretty dog gone good for you, so grow up and see real suffering in front of you. Most of us in America are severly blessed. Start to appreciate what you have."

I hate it that I can not make a difference in some sadness.
And I hate it that some people can't let go of it and learn to be happy.
I am sad to be tripping over broken furniture, broken lives. Especially when we don't have to.

oh no, SNOW!

2011-01-10T04:39:00.000-08:00

This is the snowiest Monday I can remember, at least since the great Blizzard of '78.
I was 18 years old, my boyfriend was heading back to college, and all I could think of was how inconvenient the snow was at that time.

Today, I am thinking the same thing. I do not like snow. As a matter of fact, I get to the point in winter where I become very house bound.

The airport measured over 36 inches of snow this weekend. I think we have just a little over 2 feet at our house. It's 2 feet too much for me.

The kids, however, are in heaven.

Mike took them outside Saturday and each one of the kids built their own snow fort. He took food coloring and water to spray on the tops of their forts so they could each have a different color house. When I looked out the window, it was a colorful town set up in our front yard!

Mere had a stash of snowballs in hers, to the point where there was hardly any room for her! Tara had chiseled out a hole big enough for her and both the dogs! The cold air kept forcing them inside, but they would drink hot cocoa and go back out. One time Mike even took hot cocoa out to them and they sat in their little igloos and enjoyed it better than any they have ever had in the house!

Me? I did my part by sending the camera outside for Mike to snap some photos! I just do not like snow.

Today, the kids are disappointed that they have to go to school. After the weekend of being snowed in together, I am ready for the bus.

With all the kids in school (except Bella), I think I will enjoy a little less winter mess today...and continue to dream of summer sunshine and NO SNOW!

Teen Times

2011-01-05T04:52:00.000-08:00

The little kids are getting ready for school early today. For some reason, they were excited that they may be waking up to snow. They watched the weather report last night, so it seemed likely they were right. Now that the sun is up, they realized there is no snow this morning, but they are ready for it. I have 4 kids waiting for the bus that could be mistaken for fat penguins.

Now the two oldest are entirely different. We had to call Tyler back to the house from the bus stop this morning to take his medication. He saunters in, (attitude all the way) with a T-shirt and hoodie. It is not even 30 degrees out there today.
I have no idea what Nicole was wearing. I may be afraid to know.

I am still trying to figure out why I let them pick out a winter coat, and paid for it, when they refuse to wear them. I think something incredibly wrong happens in a brain when it turns 13. I think science has found this to be true, but not only do they quit thinking, I guess all other sensations cease also. They are too cool to feel cold, although as soon as it's 55 degrees out, Tyler wants to stop wearing shirts around the house, and Nicole is ready to pull out all the shorts and mini-skirts. Maybe my teenagers are just hot-blooded.

I asked Mike why we had teenage attitude this morning. He said the older kids were mad that the younger ones were up so early. What? I guess they feel like they "own" the house in the morning, since they have to be out the door an hour earlier than the younger ones. I am not sure where that was written in our family contract, but there it is, rearing its ugly head in our kitchen his morning. It comes out in curt answers, rolling eyes and stomping out the front door to meet their bus.

However, the younger ones are excited, happy, and not having to rush at all this morning. I like that.

I think tomorrow I will wake them up earlier...just to show the teenagers that they can adapt to the "little" ones just fine.

Oy, the household that shelters teenagers can be rocky. But thankfully, teenagers don't last forever.

Another thing to be thankful for this morning!

Another New Year - Welcome 2011

2011-01-02T08:06:00.000-08:00

It hardly seems possible that I am standing at the beginning of another new year. Honestly, the time just flies by anymore.

I decided to start the blogging this year with an update on the family.
The baby always comes first.

In our family this year, we hope to welcome a sweet African boy, just turned 2 years old in November. He has severe delays, but sooooo much potential. I can not wait to add a picture as soon as the details are worked out. He is already a huge part of our hearts and home. Updates to follow...

Then Bella. She is the darling in the house right now. Funny,stubborn and spoiled rotten. We love her personality, and it is a guarantee that no one will ever take advantage of her. She is a wrestling buddy to Tommy, rough and tumble all the way. She sings most every conversation, and has an intuitive streak through her entire body. She picks up on most anything said around her, and can tell me what mood I am in before I can determine it myself. Her biggest leading line right now, is, "Right, mom?" I can hardly believe she will be 4 years old next month. The time really has flown by. In September this year, she will be able to go to preschool. She sure seems academically ready. Her biggest challenge will be leaving me. We have a deep attachment. I love her deeply.

Tommy is next in line. Oh, Tommy. My daughter in law says he's ALL boy. That's the nicest thing anyone ever says about him. We choose to take him off of all the behaviour meds this fall, and are soooo glad we did. He had become an angry, frustrated little soul, and none of that made sense to us. He is much happier now, and back to his mischevious self. He rarely stops moving, although he loves puzzles, building blocks and the bunny, Oliver. He has been making cages out of the set of waffle blocks and carrying the bunny around in them. He likes our teenage puppy, Carl, but Carl mostly likes Tommy for the food he carries around. Tom has gotten "attacked" more than once, while Carl bounces off with the treat. I love Tommy, not so much Carl. Tommy is officially 6 1/2 now, and recently told me he will not be a good big brother to our new baby. When we asked why, he said he doesn't know how to be a good big brother. I told him he was a good big brother to Bella and he said that's different. She's a girl. Huh? We promised to help him. He was cool with that. He's smart, compassionate and sensitive. He usually gets in trouble by being stubborn and impulsive. I love that boy.

Meredith. Wow. What a change this year. She celebrated her 7th birthday two days after Christmas. For some reason, her birthdays always catch us off guard! But this year, she was all about celebrating it, so an impromptu party at her favorite Chuck E Cheese Pizza place was the high time for her. She had picked out a pretty cake at the bakery with a big pink flower and a big purple flower. Perfect. She got a dalmation dog that barks and whines. Like we needed that! But she also got 3 Barbies and a Barbie pool with a swimming dog! Her favorite though was the two hundred tickets at the pizza place and the penny toys that filled the treat bag from there. Amazing. She learned to put her own written sentences together this holiday, a major milestone for her. It said: "sumdogsrnyc an sumdogsrmeen." Or, translated: Some dogs are nice, and some dogs are mean. Good job, my sweet kindergartener! She is girly, and way too worried about being pretty. She loves dresses and baths, but was not super impressed with her manicure/pedicure she got in November. That was just "freaky" to her. Sitting next to her means there is usually a hand or feet under or behind me, and she is always invading my space. She has no personal "bubble" and is constantly hugging someone who would rather not be hugged. She's a love bug. I can not imagine life without her in it. I love her.
She's my preemie turned big girl. What a hoot!

Tara, Tara, Tara. She's just one girl, but enough personality and spunk for 3 gals. She is doing great in the second grade, and loves school. She has been getting occupational therapy at school for the weakness in her hands. It's amazing how much better she's doing. I am thankful for her therapist, Amy, and the work she does with her. Plus, Tara loves it and thinks it's all for fun. She is high spirited, but is more controlled than she used to be. She loves TV and dogs, but prefers the stuffed type. She learned to ride a bike this year, and the freedom that brought her at the campgrounds. She has learned to enjoy her crafts and coloring, now that her hands are getting stronger. She is giggly or whiney, alternating between the two all day long. She is not attached to a specific blankie any more, but always has some sort of blankie with her all the time. She plays best with kids younger than herself, and loves playing Veteranarian. She may just become a Pet Doctor some day. She drew a picture for me today with a frog that says, "Kiss Me." I looked up to her smile, and realized she was waiting for a kiss. I hugged her tight and kissed her. The way she cuddles in now is an answer to our prayers. For a Reactive Attachment Disorder(RAD) kid, she is showing fabulous progress. I love her so much, and we are pleased with her progress. She is a beautiful, blue-eyed blonde daughter.

My Nelly is next. Nelly is going to be twelve this April. It doesn't seem possible. She has a sweet personality, and loves babies and little kids. She has been able to help with my cousins kids this holiday, and really enjoyed her "job" of watching the babies while my niece was able to do some deep cleaning. She wants to become a teacher some day and I can see that happening. She struggles in school so much, but mostly because she won't turn in the work she gets done. I am not really sure why she struggles with it. She tests well. We work hard at home trying to keep her organized and on task. It's definately her biggest struggle. She is known for her ability to make a friend where ever she goes. She fills her life with "I (heart) you" on everything, and she means it. She still likes her Build A Bears and Bratz dolls, a refreshing change from alot of preteens we know. She loves to read, and her favorite stories are mysteries. She reads all the time, and loves cookies and milk. We are constantly relying on her to help the little kids with the homework. She thrives on it. And they respond really well to her "teaching" them. It's a sweet mix. She is learning how to be a preteen, learning hair care and the whole new world of face wash and shower gel. What a fun time! She is a precious girl, and we love her so very much. She adds joy to our home and lives.

Nicole became a teenager this past November. If I were smart, I would stop right there. I don't really like this stage. The good things are there, they just tend to be hidden behind the smart mouth, the attitude of "I KNOW EVERYTHING" and mom and dad have become really stupid this year. She is creative, learning to sew, and draws phenomenally for her age. She sees the world through the lens of a teenager, and when she grows up,it will be fun to remind her how perfect she was at 13 (grin!). What she forgets is that I have "been there, done that" and teenagers don't scare me at all anymore. She is tall, beautiful and funny. Most of the time I want to choke her (lol) but sometimes we have meaningful conversations and I am reminded that she's the one who started this whole adoption thing in our family. I wouldn't change it for anything! She wants to be a fashion designer, and I want her to work hard in school so she's not limited in anyway to accomplish anything she sets her mind to. I love her, I hate the stage she's in, but I am soooo thankful she came to our family when she did. And, thankfully, the teen years don't last forever!

Tyler. Now 14, he has surpassed me in height, but I still have him in weight! (tee hee). He's tall and thin, working on his abs and the infamous six pack in his exersize routines. We joined the local YMCA again this year, and his favorite thing to do it walk around all the equipment, trying his hand at a few things from time to time. He says he can't focus because of his ADHD. I think he has learned to talk like a jock. He definately thinks he is one (lol). He loves sports, talking back, bossing the little ones, and reading. He can kill a book in no time, and loves discussing the story he read. He is super smart, but his grades don't always reflect his intelligence. He still doesn't know why it's so important to turn his homework in. He is taking his SAT this month, a great practice for him. He's in
8th grade,and will enter the high school this fall. He has grown so much since he came to our family at 9 years old, and not just in inches. He is funny, aggravating, and strong. He plans to follow in his big brothers footsteps in the Coast Guard, so that is alot of our conversations. I have had to learn to love him, and at times it has not been easy, but I know he hasn't always loved us either.
We have learned alot about how adoption grows a family. We have all grown.

The big kids are all doing well. Scott and Britt and the three boys have a nice big house in New Jersey, and the kids loved their unusual winter snow fall last week. They sledded and played outside in what they usually get here on a winter vacation! Scott is looking at their options for their last year in the Coast Guard, and should find out soon where and when they will be moving. I, of course, hope it's still in a decent driveable distance! Kaid is 5, Keegy is 3 and Keano is almost 15 months. They are embarking on an Ethiopian adoption journey this year, and we are so excited to see who our next grandchild may be!

Jen and Jer are in Oregon, and I have my flight booked for early next month to be out there for her first art show! I can't wait to go see her space, her haunts and her friends. I am really excited to have the time with just her! She is creative, sensitive and a beautiful daughter. I will have to fill you in on my trip out there when I get back!

Ash and Andy are the ones we see the most of. I love having her close to home. She cleans for me twice a week, but mostly she is responsible for keeping me organized. She is great at that. She's in college trying to get her teaching degree, and the rest of the time she's creating art or raising chickens and ducks.

I love each of the kids and appreciate them for the souls they are. Each one is precious to me. I am so grateful for them all. It's like the ending of Lake Woebegone, when Garrison Keeler describes the residents there. I would say, here, the girls are all beautiful, the men handsome, and we wouldn't trade a single one of them for all the treasures on earth.

I thank God for Mike, who works hard to keep our family together. He loves me at my most unloveable times, and stays faithful to our relationship. He joins me in saying we are the most blessed of all with our children, their children and our lives together as a family.

Happy New Year. I plan to live this year with no regrets.

Christmas 2010

2010-12-26T09:48:00.000-08:00

Christmas is now in our memories.

Jenni and Jeremy are flying back to Oregon today, while Scott and Britt are keeping all three boys busy in the stuffed back seat of the car on their 15 hour trip home to Jersey.

Ashleigh and I are both focusing on getting our houses back to "normal" but really wish the chaos and excitment were not over. I said good bye to the out of town kids, and immediately wanted to take my Christmas tree and house decorations down.

In a recap:
The big kids took the little kids sledding 2 times this holiday season. Jen was able to go cross country skiing while they were here, and also join us for a movie. We had a roasted chicken dinner all together, and crafted for a couple hours the night before Christmas eve. We also had 14 kids in the house for our re-visited Cousins Craft Day. Mike and Scott prepared a feast of fried chicken, salads, chips and veggies and alot of tired kiddo's went home with several homemade christmas ornaments. Britt and I were able to go shopping, and shopping a bit more! I had time to hug each of my baby grandson's and read stories to them. We fit in as much as we could in the week we had together, and I cherish each one.

We actually had ALL the gifts wrapped and ready for all 16 of our kids (the in-laws and the grands)BEFORE Christmas eve....an all time record for Mike and I. We have burned the candle at both ends, making as much as possible of the hours we had together.

We celebrated with my brothers families Christmas eve, with our traditional Taco Supper. Our house is not nearly big enough for everyone of the people we have here, but 40 people came and somehow we all had room to sit (or stand!) and visit! Good times of food and fun (I LOVE all the goodies!!) and mostly, another year with our loved ones all together.

Christmas morning we put the kids off from the time they got up (at 5:00 am) until we could drag ourselves downstairs (8:00 am) to open presents. The best part this year was having all three grandsons wake up in our house and have Christmas morning with us. Beautiful memories for this gramma!

The biggest of the kids all came over just as we finished our little kids Christmas, and Ash crafted t-shirts with the kids the rest of the morning. It was great to have her take all of them in the other room for a while and each shirt is as unique as the creator! Another special memory this year.

The frenzy of the holidays are over now, and as we all get our minds ready (or not) to accept a new year ahead, I am hoping for peace and joy to continue on for each of my loved ones in the days coming up. It was a beautiful Christmas for our family, one that will stand out in my heart as near perfect, since we were all together under one roof. Our African baby should be with us next year. So many, many blessings this year.

Peace.

Holiday Thoughts

2010-12-18T05:31:00.000-08:00

I sat on the runway at the South Bend airport last Tuesday, on my way to see grandson Kaiden's first Christmas program at his preschool in New Jersey. I got to the airport at 4:30 am, prepared to fly at 6 am.

At 6:15 the pilot announced our delay was due to ice. By 6:30 they moved 3 large men from the front of the plane, one of them coming to occupy the seat next to me. I guess their combined weight at the front of the small plane was inhibiting our take off plans. By 6:45 they had de-iced the wings, and were still trying to push off from the gate. Moving the men didn't seem to help.

Finally, at 7:15 we had moved backward and was ready to fly. I fell asleep before the surge that took us into the sky, getting into Cincinnati at 8:15.

I don't usually mind delays in flight, but this time, there was not enough time between flights, but our delay caused me to miss my connecting flight in Cincinnati, so I was scrambling to get on a flight and get to Philly. After eating breakfast, provided by the Delta crew who felt so terrible that they had messed up my schedule, I dozed and read and talked on the phone until the next flight that would carry me to my desired destination.

It was the first time in about 7 years that I had flown with no children. I was thankful that I didn't have a toddler that needed to be kept happy until we could get back on our regularly scheduled program!

Britt picked me up in Philadelphia, just 4 1/2 hours past my first ETA, and we made the most of the daylight hours.

The highlight and reason for my trip was Kaiden's program on Wednesday morning, and the five minutes of video I was able to capture of his class singing Happy Birthday to Jesus. It was beautiful. Kids have such a wonderful way of making the holidays happy, and their little voices were a perfect holiday blessing. Plus, laughing so hard at some of their antics made my cheeks hurt!

We packed the car, got the house ready for Scott and Britt to be gone for a week, and headed out of Jersey at 4 pm. The fastest turn around trip ever!! We arrived in Michigan at 7:30 am on Thursday morning, after a blown out back tire that slowed our progress right at the end of our journey. Scott was able to change it, in spite of a jack that didn't work, and the freezing, blowing winter winds on the side of the road. I was so thankful that Britt and I were not driving home alone like we had originally planned! I am grateful for God's protection!

The last few days have been a whirlwind of activity. Kaid had missed his own Christmas party at his school, but was able to join me for Tom and Mere's kindergarten party yesterday. Keegan wanted to go too, so what fun for me to get pictures of the oldest grandson's enjoying crafting and playing at school with their aunt Mere and Uncle Tom!

Now we are looking forward to Jenni and Jeremy flying in tomorrow night, making it the first Christmas in the last few years that we have all been together for the holidays. My mom-heart is full and overflowing.

We pared down alot of things this year, trying to focus on the important things of the season. Family time, volunteer opportunities and what we can do for others. It's been a growing season, and we are so blessed.

Jesus came as a baby to make our lives complete. He gave his life to save me, redeem me and He calls me His own. I hope all of you can sense the importance of this holiday time, and have a wonderful season full of blessings and joy.

I know I am blessed. Thank you, Jesus. Happy Birthday!

Liberia

2010-12-03T08:17:00.000-08:00

Can you take 8 minutes to hear a message that is changing my life?
This is for Gborlee.

Speaking about Adoption...

2010-11-22T05:38:00.001-08:00

When asked to speak about our adoption experience, it's hard to pin point all the things I hope to convey with my answer.

Our lives were good before the adoptions. We had three children, one had left the nest and 2 others were not far behind. There were college plans, the last years of high school and good things happening in the lives of the nieces and nephews, too.

Mike's job was going well, while my own career in Human Resouces was satisfying at the time. I had thought for years that we would adopt, but other than looking at profiles of children online, we had not discussed adoption in depth. I felt there was something missing.

Then we met Nicole. She was almost 4, living with friends of ours in a foster home, when we found out she was available for adoption. We spent a difficult weekend discussing "starting over," and I was ready to throw caution to the wind, and jump into parenting a young child again. Mike, not so much.

Because we are committed to our faith in God, we prayed much, discussed every issue we could think of, and by the end of the weekend had decided we would walk the path towards this child, making her a part of our family. Our first steps toward adoption lead us to consider fostering other children a year later. We had successfully integrated one child into our home, and loved how she had changed our lives. Perhaps there were other children who needed a home, and we could make a difference in other little lives.

I believe we did. We were able to make a difference. But what a difference they continue to make in ours!

We can no longer rent 2 hotel rooms if we travel. NOW, hotel management suggests 3 rooms for our family of 9.

Fast food for 9 usually means going to two separate orders, since our large one won't fit on their computer screens!

Strangers ask if we are running a daycare, but often hear the response from the children, "We are a family!"

We drive a 15 passenger van, look for the best deals on everything we buy, and love to eat at Buffets where everyone can get what they want!

We have toys in the livingroom, plastic plates in the cupboard and are always missing someone's shoes.

We love movie nights at home, bedtime prayers and lively conversations at dinner time.

There is not one of my 10 children I could live without and not a single one of them that is loved or wanted more than the other. They enrich our lives beyond measure and make us proud. They have grown us and made us more sensitive. Each of them are a gift to us, the most wonderful part of who we are, making us better parents, neighbors and spouses. We learn from their questions. We have more joy in our lives because of the sparkle in their eyes.

If we had not considered adoption, our lives would probably still be good. We would have jobs, and plans for our futures.

But because we considered adoption, our lives are fuller, better and without a doubt, more wonderful because of the little lives that keep us laughing. They love us unconditionally, teaching us day to day how to give of ourselves to bless someone else.

I think adoption is one of the biggest blessings I have ever experienced, all in the form of smiling faces, gentle touches and hugs from little arms.

My kids may not have had the best starts to their lives, but we are thankful that their futures are promising. They all have potential that was waiting to be uncovered, and we are grateful to be a part of helping them to reinvent their lives.

There are many children waiting to be loved in a foster home, or adopted into a family. The opportunity to love someone who needs you. To encourage a child to reach their highest to become all they can be. To invest in another person's life is what adoption means to me.

Turkeys, Pilgrims and Indians

2010-11-17T06:22:00.000-08:00

My school age kids are all about the Thanksgiving holiday coming up next week.

Tara talks about Colonial Days, and even tried making a felt hat last night. She announced this morning that the felt glue didn't even work because it fell apart when she picked it up. I assured her we can try again tonight.

Bella found out recently that her heritage is American Indian and is quite proud of it. She tells every one who will listen to her that she was "born from an Indian." Part of it is trying to connect with all the other adopted kids in our family who boast of their heritages, and the other part is the novel idea that she has something the rest of us do not have.

In Bella's mind, being an Indian means she is a hunter. She sees herself in buckskin clothes, feathers in her hair, traipsing through the forest to hunt deer. Hunting is a part of our oldest daughters' life also, and an exciting connection they can share. She also informs us she can hunt racoon, and she is proud to know that her daddy has a bb gun, which she will one day learn to shoot all by herself.

While playing with her this week, I told her since she is of Indian heritage, perhaps she would like to get our turkey this year. We live in a somewhat rural area, and it's not unusual to see wild turkeys in the fields, or even crossing the streets in front of the car when we are driving down back roads from time to time.

"Bella, maybe you could get a turkey for us this year for Thanksgiving dinner!" I asked her, a tinge of laughter in my voice.

She looked me straight in the eye, and in her most incredulous style, responds,
"I can't drive!"

Ah, yes. Turkey hunting has not yet crossed her mind.

Mere can not wait to decorate sugar cookies and help cook, along with eating the delicious cinnamon rolls that are waiting in our freezer to be thawed out on the holiday morning.

Me? I look forward to this holiday, since there is nothing but cooking, eating and relaxing with family and friends. Watching the Macy's Parade while we eat sausage balls and cinnamon rolls in the morning, catching whiffs of all the wonderful smells coming from the oven as the turkey cooks. We'll gather around several tables, eating so much we have to rest before playing games. We'll make memories of things that are said and done during the day. Hopefully someone remembers to snap a few photo's this year, since I relaxed so much last year I totally forgot!

Nothing makes me happier than having family and friends gather under our roof, eating all the good foods of the holiday.

We are connected by the love we share for each other, the memories we have made and the new ones we are making day to day.

No matter where the turkey comes from, it's like Bella said last night, as she snuggled in.

"We are family, right mom?"

Yes, Bella, we are family. Pilgrims, Indians and even a few turkeys!

Calling Out the Saints

2010-11-16T15:47:00.000-08:00

A tradition in our church has had me thinking for the last few weeks.

On a particular Sunday of the month of November, our church takes a few moments to remember those who have left us here on earth to spend their eternity in Heaven. The names are read aloud, while candles are lit for each name mentioned. Faces flash on an overhead screen, a last look (for many of us)on the faces of Saints who have gone before us.

After the names are read and candles are lit, music soothes raw emotions as a time to remember is allowed to those of us in the pews. We are invited to call out the names of people whom we have lost in our lives, giving tribute, one more time, to the loved ones those around us may not have ever met, but that we each know as a missing piece in our family puzzle since their passing.

As the music played, my heart immediately remembered Pop. He was not my Pop, or Mike's Pop. He was someone we had just met this summer while visiting our kids in New Jersey. He was a kind, gentle man, who we waved at while he mowed the lawn, and met briefly as we shook his hand. We knew him more as the head of a family who had welcomed our children into their fold, since our family was much to far away to be with them day to day. He was spoken of highly by our son, who also has great regard for Pop's son, Dan. He was the top of a chain that seemed to speak wonderful words of a loving God, down to the lives who must now live without their beloved father on this earth. His passing was within days of our church ceremony, and his name and legacy was fresh in our hearts.

Just before the music ended in this service of remembrance, my heart travelled back to the days of loss of my own grandma Thelma this year. I have written of her life, and the legacy she left to us in her passing. She will never be forgotten, and I spoke her name aloud into the silence of the church, reverently giving appreciation to a loving, saving God, whom she now walks with on the streets of gold.

As the service moved on, I was simply reminded in the calling out of these names, Pop and Grandma, just how small our world on earth really is. Although my grandma and Pop would probably have never met on earth, they now rejoice together in Heaven, and they are connected by a thread that makes perfect sense to me now. My son, Scotty, was loved and prayed for by both of these Saints of God, although their earthly lives were over 700 miles apart.

I don't believe any of this was accidental in the broad scheme of life in a Walk of Faith. I was grateful to honor two wonderful saints who have now passed into eternity, and I wonder now, just who am I praying for or connected to today, that will only be made know when I enter those pearly gates when my name is called into eternity.

I miss you, Grandma. I know Pop's family is missing him too.

Small world. Tremendously HUGE God!

Holiday Resolve

2010-11-16T13:46:00.000-08:00

We (ok, mostly me) are determined to put a whole different perspective on the holidays this year.

Every year we are thrilled that we have a house full to buy presents for, and Mike, especially, loves to wrap them. We spend hours late into the night wrapping gifts to all the old classic movies roaring in front of us and talk about how exciting Christmas morning will be when the kids eyes pop as they see the glowing tree surrounded by colorful wrapped gifts we chose perfectly for them.

Rewind....
Typically, I have shopped throughout the year, found semi-perfect (but good) gifts for each, and are still wrapping presents the night before Santa's visit. The gifts do get piled high, and it is somewhat magical, and we do enjoy the time spent wrapping and watching our favorite old movies.

But, this year, even more so than last year, I have been burdened by the intensity of the expectations to get/do more and more each year. I love to shop and buy, but I also want to teach my kids about the giving aspect of the holidays. Somewhere we may be covering that up.

I have heard of families who only purchase 3 gifts per child. This approach is not about the money they spend, but about the amount of wrapped gifts. After all, baby Jesus got three special gifts from the Wisemen, and none of my kids are better than Him! That plan may work for some families, but it isn't the one I want to adhere to.

I also know people who "shop 'til they drop", "spend 'til the end," and "Charge!!" We have tried for years to be careful not to purchase gifts on credit, because before our cards would be paid off, the toys would be a distant memory, if remembered at all.

We typically determine a money amount each year, divide it per child, and shop for the best deals for the money. That has always worked for me, and I still prefer
it. I have a set amount to spend, I try to stay close to that, and then I try to make the gifts look "even" between the recipients. I NEVER want anyone to feel left out or disadvantaged in any way.

And I am still cool with all that.

However, somehow, the whole holiday process is being revamped in my own heart, and this is what I am processing these days. We are cutting back on what we spend, but hoping what they all "get" from this holiday add more to their lives than any amount of money ever could.

My kids lack for nothing. Oh, there is always some new toy or gadget they want, but they all have PLENTY of everything. Toys, clothes, food, games, etc. They may not believe it, but it's true. Every day I am finding broken things that I trash, or extra things we don't need. It appears that an overabundance of items in a childs life makes them selfish and expectant, and they can not possibly take care of all the things us parents (in our desire to give them all the good things in life) thrust at them. I am still learning this concept.

I lack for nothing. I do not have all the last minute technology, and I do not have clothes that make me drop-dead gorgeous. Come to think of it, I am pretty enough when I smile, and as long as I have clean clothes or a nice outfit for a special occasion, I am fine. Sure, I get swayed by the colors of each new season, and I attend events occasionally where I feel like I can not possibly compete with Ms. Fashion Plate, but that's OK. I don't really have to. I am well fed, well read and well...well. I try to eat sensibly and I hate exercise, but I am always open to improvements (as long as it is cheap and has good results). I have friends and family who love me. I have way too much "stuff" in my house, but I am learning to discard things every week that I can part with. I am not defined by what I have.

I put Mike in the same category as me, but I do not speak for him. We have both noticed how very blessed we are, and how little we need. Part of that is because of what we have learned over the last few years.

Kids thrive on time and attention. Kids need parents who set boundaries, yet love them unconditionally. Kids need to know their parents love each other, and want what's best for them. Kids need to know that if the whole word crushes them down, there will always be someone who will be there to pick them up, dust them off, and encourage them to try again. Kids need a place to thrive, a place to rest and a place to have fun. They need friends and family that give them positive feedback when they do well, and remind them when they need to make better choices. Kids need to know, under no circumstance, will their family ever leave them for any reason.

Unfortunately, on our journey to our Ethiopian children, we have seen many international children who will never have the security of any of these things that kids need. Most do not have the food to sustain them, or the family to love them. They scrounge for food, and live in overcrowded orphanages. They long for a family to call their own, someone to love them and make them a part of their lives forever.
Their needs will not fit in a golden box with white ribbons.

How does that fit with our Christmas plans? I am feeling, deeply, the losses these Ethiopian children face day to day. I am yearning for ways to make a difference in their lives, lasting differences that will help them develop beyond what their little hearts could ever hope to imagine. I want to be the one to make a difference in the lives of children.

We, as a family, are incredibly blessed. Blessed to be born in a land of plenty. Blessed to go to bed with our belly's full and our mornings fuller yet. Blessed to have care when we are sick, and a home that is warm. Blessed to have each other.

I am hoping our focus is a little bit more towards others this year. A little less of "I want that." A little more of "Can I help?"

A little less of "What can you do for me?" and a little more of "What can I do for you?"

We have set some positive plans in place through the holidays to help us learn how better to live this way. Some volunteer opportunities that will include every one of us, hopefully putting a bit more emphasis on "them" instead of "me." We have taken on a few projects that put a different twist on giving. It's a start.

It's challenging when all the world assaults us with their plans for the holidays. After all, we "deserve" to treat ourselves, and we are happier if it's all bigger, brighter and better than the year before.

But our family is taking a few steps back this year to refocus. I hope we all come out of it with the resolve that it is the best possible kind of Christmas we could ever have.

And that this year will just begin a new type of holiday spirit in us all.

Mistaken Identity

2010-11-03T06:23:00.000-07:00

I have been experiencing a series of events recently that can only be described as Mistaken Identity.

We ate pancakes the other night,formed in the shape of Pumpkins. It was Halloween, afterall. After dishes were cleared and bedtime routines were started, Mike brings a can with a yellow cap to me, looking perplexed, and says, "Do you think this furniture polish is toxic?"

I told him I wouldn't drink it if I were him. It appears we all had.
He thought it was PAM spray for the griddle.
The pancakes slid right off.

The benefits? Our house had a wonderful lemony smell all evening.
I have seen no ill effects, but I wouldn't suggest trying it at your home!

It reminded me of the time a dear one of mine was in agony, and chose the muscle pain relief cream, BEN GAY, instead of PREPARATION H. Another case of Mistaken Identity.

Or the time that Mere was a baby, and daddy was in charge of bath time. When I snuggled her to bed, I realized she had a different scent that smelled vaguely familiar, but not quite the normal baby lotion smell. Daddy checked.
"You probably wouldn't use NAIR on a baby, would you?" As he whisked her off my lap and back into the bath, I realized the identical pink bottles had caused a case of Mistaken Identity.

And the friend of mine who superglued her daughters eyes shut, thinking she was using eye drops. Mistaken Identity. No matter how bad it made her feel (both her and her daughter.) And come to find out, it happens alot, AND, eye lashes do grow back.

Bella came running in this week, saying, "There is a dead MOHAWK out there!"
MOHAWK?

Someone else ran in. It was a MOLE.

No wait, Mere reports that it's a WOOD PUCKER!!
Wood PECKER?
Mistaken Identity, for sure.

What about the times I call people by the wrong name? Like Keegan is Kaid, and Keano is Keegy? UGH! When I want Mere, I call Tara. When I am trying to get Tommy to come to me, I call him Scotty! Mistaken Identity!

I have seen old friends out in public, I think, but was afraid to call out to them, just in case it was another case of Mistaken Identity.

Of course, part of the fun of Halloween is Mistaken Identity. I mean, how many kids want to dress up as THEMSELVES to go trick or treating??

I have no doubt there will be more episodes of Mistaken Identity around our house.
And from now on, I will check the PAM before Mike is allowed to spray it on the griddle!!

.

Halloween

2010-10-31T06:33:00.000-07:00

Trick or Treating last night.

Buckets of candy this morning. "That tastes so good mom!"

Hyper kids.

I sense their teeth are rotting right before my eyes.

They are "selling" each other the candy they don't like for the ones they do. With no money.

They are planning their costumes for next year. This year we had a punk rocker, Rapunzel, Snow White, A tall thin bunny, an escapee from Alcatraz and the cutest little dragon in the world. How can they ever top that?

I have to declare this is more fun for the kids than anything else in life. Amazing what a bucket of candy will do to create great morning attitudes. Breakfast? Who needs breakfast?
.
And my favorite line: "I am taking candy to church today."

Happy Halloween!

Moving Forward

2010-10-30T04:42:00.000-07:00

As of Thursday, October 28, our dossier is in the mail!
The significance of this is not light to our other friends who have adopted internationally. For those of you who have not worked on an international adoption, let me explain.

When we first decided to follow God's plan for adopting internationally, we had not focused on where we would end up. We just knew we were suppose to begin.

We had adopted 7 children from the state foster system, all the while feeling as if our adoption days were not over. We still had a strong desire to make a home for the homeless, be a family to a child who would have no family if we didn't step up to the challenge. It was not a decision we started without a ton of consideration (our ages, our current situation with each of our children and our future). But we felt compelled to move forward and follow God's plan.

Sometimes, following the path God outlines is not the easiest. There have been bumps in the road, issues with the kids in our home, and a failed domestic adoption. I waivered several times in my mission - but my heart cry always came back to the orphans. Mike has been much more focused on the final outcome, and did not get as discouraged on the path as I had. He has steadily encouraged our family to continue to move forward, even when our heart was breaking. So we have.

I read on a blog post somewhere that International Adoption is not for the faint of heart. Oh, so true! The emotional roller coaster of the intense trainings, mounds of paperwork and time frames take it's toll. I would throw my hands up, wondering if God was really in this plan. Was it just my heart wanting to help a poor child, or was it really what we were suppose to do in our family?

It would be so nice to know the mind of God! But since we can not, we commit to follow and open the doors as He brings us to them. This dossier was the last door in our journey. It will not be the last one we open, but up to this point, we are convinced, without a shadow of a doubt, that we are following the path we are suppose to be walking.

Many tears have gone into the preparation of these priceless documents. Life continues to happen around us, but this important phase of our journey is done. It was a relief to send them off to the processing center, and NOW we wait.

We wait for the documents to be translated. We wait for the dossier to make it to the Ethiopian officials who will refer an orphan to us. We wait for court dates and details to be completed. We wait to bring our children home.

There were many times I was "faint of heart" and was tired of the struggle. I was exhausted from the paper chase, and tired of the details that consumed me. That part is finished.

I want to celebrate, to kick up my heels and sigh in relief. Inside my heart is so grateful to have this behind me now.

I have heard that a long paperchase can lead to a short referral process. There is no science behind that, but it sure would be nice to think that is true! Either way, it is in the hands of God, who set us on this course and has never stopped pushing us forward.

Thanks for waiting with us. I will definitely keep you posted!

Ethiopia

2010-10-19T05:49:00.000-07:00

It is getting closer. I can tell by the negative comments I get from those around me.

I guess in a perfect world, everyone would be excited to see an orphan connect to a family. Some one to care for them, love them, feed them, give them medical care and an education.

In a perfect world, those who can care for an orphan would, and those who could not, would simply be supportive of the ones who can.

In a perfect world, it wouldn't take many, many months of seemingly endless paperwork to bring an orphan home.

In a perfect world, there would be no orphans.

Our dossier has been to Lansing for state authentication. It was returned and is ready to go to our agency in Portland, OR. to be sent to Ethiopia. 4 pieces of paper had to be returned for the state seal, so that left yesterday. Within 2 weeks it should be returned. Then the complete dossier is ready to travel across the world to begin the referral process that will match us with our Ethiopian children.

We are so excited to be at this step in the process, but we can't help but be saddened by some of the responses around us.

"Oh, more kids? Don't you have enough already?"
"Why would you bring foreign kids here? We have homeless children in the states."
"Don't you know how old you are?"
"You can't save the world, you know."
"I have 2 kids you can raise."
"What if these kids make your own kids sick?"
"You have 7 kids with problems. That will just make them worse."

I can not explain why God put this desire in our hearts. Sometimes I don't understand it myself. And yes, life for us can be hard some days, but what we go through will never be the hardship that the Ethiopians endure day after day.

I don't want to be stuck in the thinking that because I was blessed to be born in America that I can gloat in my achievements while others suffer.

I never go hungry. I never thirst for fresh water. I sleep comfortably at night, and do not have fears of what tomorrow will bring.

I may not have everything and I know we can not save every orphan.
But God put Ethiopia on our hearts, and helped us prepair a plan to alleviate the suffering of at least one orphan.

We are excited, and I hope others will be too.

Brittany's Marathon Results

2010-10-18T09:52:00.000-07:00

Official results from the Chicago 10-10-10 Marathon.

» Cameron, Brittany (USA)
Ocean View, NJ 40257 20-24 24 03:59:16

I got so busy having the grandsons here that I forgot to post the results of Britt's marathon.

26.2 miles in less than 4 hours!! I am so impressed by her determination and drive!
She placed in the top 8300 runners (which out of over 40,000 is pretty great too).

We had a great time going into the city by train and all the excitement of her run. Chicago is a busy place, and we all came home tired. I told Britt I was not sure how she ever did that race, because I was worn out just getting there to watch her!

She still has this week to raise funds for the fresh water wells in Africa.

I wish I had taken my camera to capture the kids wide eyes on the train. They were so excited to do things we had never done before. Then watching the thousands of people cheering on the runners, the cow bells ringing, and the excitment in the air. For a camera bug, I sure missed the mark on this one.

Then, just before we met up with Scotty and Tyler, my cell phone died!! It had the directions on it! Ugh!!

We made it, celebrated at the World Vision tent with Britt, and the team, then headed back to the train. When we arrived, exhausted, to our RV, one of the back tires was flat. And the spare was so tight we even got a CTA driver to help muscle the bolts off! It was a stressful couple of hours stuck in the city with a flat tire, but we were on our way as soon as Mike and Scotty got the tire changed.

We stopped at a highway overpass restaurant for dinner, and got home to our own beds for a restful sleep full of visions of a marathon for a great cause.

To most of you, this is old news. To me, it will never seem old. It was an amazing day, by an amazing woman. My daughter in love, Britt.

I am so glad we could celebrate this special time with her.

Fear Not

2010-10-18T04:47:00.000-07:00

Today is the Pumpkin Patch field trip for my two kindergarten students. Tommy is excited and motivated to get out the door. Mere, not so much.

Mere is my fearful child. She has a great sense of humor, and is quite the joker. But when there is something new coming up, she will fret about it for days and play out every wicked scenario in her little mind. Today, she thinks she is going to get lost in the corn maze.

I try to help her overcome her fears. They often seem irrational, silly, and unwarranted. They make her look weak, when in fact, she is a very strong, sensible little girl. I don't want her to be debilitated by her fears. After all, she has overcome soooo very much in her young life already.

This is how life started for Mere.
Born to a cocaine dependant mother, Mere was the 5th child born and removed from her family of origin. In other words, irresponsible behaviour was not new to her birth mom. But that's another post, another day.

Mere was born 13 weeks early, weighing in at 1# 15 oz. and just 13 inches long. Picture a ruler, with feet and a tiny face and hands. Barely surviving, she was transfered to a larger hospital in the next town over. Before the week was over, she was transfered to an even larger childrens hospital 1 1/2 was hours away. The man, who thought he was father, took the bus to the town where she was resting in the NICU, just to be a part of the decisions being made in her life. Birthmom? Gone, as if nothing happened.

Mere had to undergo a surgery to removed decaying pieces of her small intenstines, but within days of closing her incisions, another life saving surgery was needed. This time, Doctors had to remove a larger part of her small intestine. She had necrotizing enterocolitis. Big word for such a tiny baby. A feeding tube surgically inserted into her stomach would insure she got the nutrients she needed while her little body healed from 2 surgeries close together.

I didn't meet Mere until she was 3 months old. She was still struggling to gain weight, but her scars had healed to a bright red line across her abdomen. She had a TPN line in her leg and the feeding tube sticking out from under her rib cage. She was wrinkled, and still. The nurses called her Dolly.

Once the state took over her guardianship, the "father" was found to be nobody to Mere according to DNA testing. I've often felt sorry for him, since the first few months of Mere's life he cared for her like a father would. He even brought her a tub full of toys, blankets and clothing before he disappeared into that grey fog of "whose baby is she?"

When we stepped in as foster parents, it looked like Mere would come home to us long enough to heal and move on to the family that adopted her next oldest sibling. A little girl just two years older than Mere. Seeing her later made me think of Mere. They look so much alike.

Mere was released in April, three and one half months after her birth. We had learned her care, her feeding machine, her routine. We learned how to bathe her with tubes attached to her body, how to make her formula that cost $50 a can. Golden milk for a sick baby.

We found a car seat for a preemie, one that still swallowed her up when she was placed inside it for the ride home. She was only five pounds, fully dressed. We bought a mesh cover for the top of the car seat so no one would touch her with unwanted germs. We learned to protect her.

Fast forward to a tiny framed little blonde, ready to turn 7 years old much sooner than her dad and I are ready for it. Most of the time I look at her and see a normal, well adjusted, funny and sweet little girl.

But on field trip day, when I sense her fear of being lost, I take a minute to reassure her that all will be fine. I tell her that she is smart, she is fun and she makes friends easily. She will not go through the pumpkin patch alone, her teacher will put her with a group that will make sure she makes it out of the maze just fine.

"But what if I get lost, Mommy?"

So, again, I reassure her she will be just fine. After all, Someone special has been watching her from her very first breath, well before we ever met her. And I am sure He is going to be keeping His eyes on her for a very long time.

Matthew 10:29-31(New International Version)
"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."

A serious post of Faith

2010-10-15T12:54:00.000-07:00

Lately, when I wake up to get the day rolling, it is still dark outside my bedroom window. With the grandsons here the past 10 days, we have been burning the proverbial candle at both ends, so on this particular day, hubby let me sleep in until just before the last bus arrived.

I woke up to the picture above. The back window in our room is so high up that there has been no need to curtain it, and on this morning when the sun was shining, I was so glad for the view.

The leaves are turning all around us, but there is something spectacular when a body can wake up to the grand beauty that God provides for us. While the old window is nothing spectacular, the view was stunning to my morning eyes. I grabbed my cell phone to snap this picture, just so I would be aware of the beauty. I said a quick prayer that I would be mindful of who and what God put into my path that day, and jumped into the shower.

It was after I downloaded the pictures that I realized I had captured something more more than I bargained for that morning. The simple word, "Faith."

Since my folks named me after an old author whom my mom loved to read, Faith Baldwin, I have always been asked if my father was a preacher. No, just a kind and loving man who always showered me with way too much attention (but don't tell him that, because I am still loving the attention today!) And for some reason my mom loved the name Faith.

When I was born at just over 6 pounds, I was deemed too tiny to carry the name given me, Faith Ann Elizabeth, so the nurses convinced my mom to drop the Elizabeth and just call me Faith Ann. I hated it throughout my childhood, and always wanted my name to be something fancier, like Katherine, Julia or Angelique. As soon as I got married, I changed my name to just plain FAITH.

That worked while we lived out of town, but as soon as I came home, every one who knew me still called me Faith Ann. They just didn't get it that I was grown up now, so couldn't they honor my grown up name, just plain FAITH?

When I started writing serious stuff for the newspaper, I officially included my first name, maiden name and married name, mostly to honor my father and grandmother,(also a writer) but once again, trying to upgrade the image of my name to one of more importance, or significance. My even newer grown up name.

I have plaques, crosses, pictures. FAITH is a big thing right now, like Angels, LOVE and peace. But to me, it seemed to single me out as an oddball, a religious freak, or just plain weird. Names in my neighborhood were not as unusual as mine. And I felt like it defined me as a person. An odd one. It has taken me so many years to realize how ridiculous all this thinking has been. My heart inside always felt so puny, so non-important, so PLAIN. Just plain FAITH.

Looking at the beauty just outside my morning window, seeing the FAITH brought on a new feeling inside me. Through all the years of my life, God has spoken beauty into a shell of a person. He redeemed me and called me His own. He took a stubborn and weak woman and made me strong. He put a love and worth in my life because He created me to be more than anything or anyone I could be on my own.

And, I know now, as an adult, that God blessed me when He allowed my parents to call me Faith.

What more could I ever ask for than just plain FAITH? In all HE does, in all HE is, and all HE wants to do in me...

Faith, when making hard decisions.
Faith, when all the world seems to crumble around me.
Faith, when times are hard and life seems cruel.
Faith, when loss or disappointment wants to consume me.
Faith, when the ones I love suffer.
Faith, when pain breaks my spirit.
Faith, when those I love are far away.
Faith, when things are good, or bad.

Thanks be to God, who allowed the SON (Jesus) to shine through my window. My heart now is thankful for being just plain Faith. Make my life full of FAITH...in YOU!

Chicago

2010-10-09T16:11:00.000-07:00

Chicago, here we are!

We just can not travel without some sort of mishap.
I was running behind on the packing and all, but managed to have it all together (or mostly!) when Mike got home from work. The camper was already full of foods, except for loading the refridgerator. It has been Scott and Britt home for the past week, so Britt had gotten it ready to go and we were not far off the mark for our est. time of departure!

I rode with Britt and the youngest grandson, following Mike, who had Scott and the other 9 kids. Following Mike through Chicago traffic was horrendous, watching the camper sway and switch lanes in and out. I have never followed behind it before, and I was a bundle of nerves, thinking of the "what if's." Of course, Mike was confident in his driving, and after all, we did make it. I was just a bundle of nerves. Have I ever said I like driving into Chicago???

After we had a delicious dinner half way here, we were in the dark and the traffic. It seemed like we would never get here, and I kept encouraging Britt to stay close to Mike...like, don't let anyone between you and Mike! So, following so closely, we inadvertently followed him into a "NO CASH" lane at a toll booth. As soon as Mike pulled the big rig through the lane, we realized we were stuck!! You see, Mike has an IPass and Britt does not. We pushed the "help" button, yellow lights start flashing and an angry attendants' voice shouts over the intercom system..."How can I help you?" We could tell by her tone she was not wanting to help anyone! The flashing lights were blinding, and we felt like every flash of the lights were calling out to everyone on the toll road, "Look!! These dummies went in the wrong lane!!"

The attendant tells us to try swiping our debit card. Nope, that was not set up. I volunteered cash and would even step out of the car to hand the cash directly to her! Nope, that was not possible (for me or her?). So, finally she said they would bill me. I gave her my home address, my phone number and my license plate number. When we pulled away, we noticed we were going to be billed for a $1.50 toll fee. I wonder what the paperwork charge will be??

By the time we got to the campsite, they were just locking their gated community. Whew, just in the nick of time!! We pulled in, started to unload while Scott and Britt headed to their cabin. Did I mention that Scott has had a stomach issue for the last few days, with yesterday being the worst by far? When they got to their cabin it was FULL of stink bugs. Keegan (3) would not walk through the door!! Plan B is in motion: all 14 of us would stay in the camper together! We were so tired by this time, I think we could have slept on the ground!

By 8 this morning, yesterday was just a memory, and the rest of the day panned out as planned. No one got hurt, no one is missing, and Scott and Britt have been able to spend the day in Chi town today, just like planned. We have had a wonderful day with all 3 of the grandkids. It's dusk here, Mike is making beds and finishing bathtime. We expect Scott and Britt to roll in about 10 pm, and hopefully, everyone here will be settled and snoring. Britt has to be back in town by 6 am tomorrow, ready to run her first 26.5 mile marathon!!

It's been busy, exciting, stressful, and adventurous. You just couldn't ask for a better weekend camping trip to end our summer of fun. When we are packing up the camper next week, this, too, is another memory to add to the books for 2010.

It's been a great season.

Fall highlights - so far!

2010-10-06T07:01:00.000-07:00

It seems like we cram so many things into each day that I forget how many good (and great) things keep happening around here.

Although this is not going to be listed in order of importance, I wanted to log all the stuff that has been making our days so full.

Our adoption dossier is in Lansing right now, and we expect it to be returned any day. The significance of this is HUGE! It is the final authentication step, so as soon as it hits our mailbox, it will be sent to our agency in Oregon to prepare the paperwork to send to Ethiopia!! It has been a long two years to get to this step, and we are excited as a family to be marking the official "wait" time for our children to come home. Stay tuned for updates!

My dad suffered another stroke last week. Although that was NOT one of the good things in life, it has been a blessing to see little damage from this stroke, and his at-home therapy is progressing well. He and mom need minimal assistance right now, and a friend of ours has been great to do some of their running so I have been free to spend time with my grandsons.

That brings me to the BEST part of this month, so far!! We were able to have a family birthday party with all three of the boys, celebrating Kaid's 5th, Keegy's third birthday and Keano's first! For a gramma with out-of-town grandsons, nothing could be better than seeing them open presents, eat cake and blow out candles!! We asked cousins to join us for a hayride at the pumpkin patch, picked out the perfect pumpkin for everyone, then came home and painted them. We ended the day with chili and got great pictures of the boys full of smiles. Nothing is better in my life (or PaPa's!) than spending time with our grandsons.

We will be heading to Chicago this weekend to celebrate and support our daughter-in-love, Britt, as she runs the marathon on behalf of the children in Africa who need clean water. She has worked hard to train and raise support through World Vision, and we are thrilled to be able to be in the sidelines cheering her on. She has a heart for orphans like we do, and we are proud of her. Go Britt!!

I have been able to spend time with my oldest daughter,Ash, as she works on things around here to help me out. We have recovered (reclaimed!) some old chairs and made them functional again - which I would never have tackled without her help. They turned out great - but the laughs while we did it are worth more than any finished project. She has painted my diningroom a stunning red that makes me happy everytime I walk in there!! She also is working hard to complete her teaching degree, and it's been really fun to watch her world open up even more. She is kind and fun and I am so glad she is making time to be a part of our daily lives. She will make a wonderful teacher, and it's getting closer every day! Way to go, Ash~!

Another great part of our fall was seeing Jenni and Jeremy for a 10 day visit. I miss them so much, and hate having them live so far away, but it sure is nice to have time with them when they can swing it! They love their life in Oregon, so I am happy for them. Jenni is still pursuing her nursing career, while working full time, so who knows where the future will lead them? I am just thankful we were able to spend a bit of their fall with them, and look forward to the next time they can get back to town. I love you, Jenni.

Mike has been able to have a little time to play guitars with Scott and even get in a round of golf. (Is that what it's called??) Last night he brought all the winter clothes bins (massive job) and I spent hours going through clothes to keep, clothes to donate to our thrift shop, and clothes for a young family who needed them. It felt good to clear out the old, and to find clothing for a little girl just under Bella's size who can get some use out of the hand me downs! We have been blessed by donations from others so it feels good to return the favor. Mike has also constructed a new laundry room closet that will help me keep organized better and make less work in the laundry department!

Our camper will be used one more time this weekend, then we'll close it up for the winter. It's been a busy, fun summer of camping nearly every other weekend. We've spent time with family, traveled near and far, while maintaining our "home-away-from-home" security for the little ones. We spent 7 weeks with 3 of our great nieces/nephew, and have the upcoming holidays the focus on (yes, already!).

Life has been good for us...growing and learning through the pain of loss, as well as beautiful memories for the winter months when the sun doesn't shine as often. I think I am happier when I can count my blessings. These were a few.

You know it's gonna be a long day when...

2010-09-27T05:12:00.000-07:00

It's going to be a long day when:

I find empty fruit snack wrappers on the livingroom floor before 7 am. Who ate them? Nobody.

Tommy (6) is reading a DORA book in his underwear 10 minutes before the bus is suppose to be here.

We have no clean knives to cut the watermelon, and that's all anyone wants to eat for breakfast.

Everytime I leave the room the puppy gets up on the couch. He obviously doesn't understand NO!

The house looks like a cyclone hit, and I swear it was clean when I went to bed at 11:00 last night. What DO they DO when I am sleeping???

I check Tara's (8) lunchbox and see she has 2 lunchcakes, a jelly sandwich (hates peanut butter)and 3 string cheese. Really, Tara? You only have 15 minutes to eat it all!!!

Where are Mere's (6) glasses? Oh, mom, they are in that purple bag in the basket of toys...oh, wait...dad found them last night....now where did HE put them?

We can't find shoes. Not those, the black ones. Who wore them last? Not me! I have to have the black ones!! eek!!! 2 minutes to bus time....didn't we get all this together before bedtime? oh, yeah.....that's where my black shoes are....

Bus!!!!! Out the door, 2 seconds to spare....love you all....

Now midst the peace and quiet, I look around. Yes, it's gonna be a LONG day....

It's a Dogs Life

2010-09-26T06:15:00.000-07:00

Bella(3) and Meredith (6) came downstairs this morning with arms full of dogs. While my nieces stayed with us, Mere and Nila could hardly stand going to school, because that meant their playtime was interrupted for things that, although fun, were not nearly as important as tending their huge litter of dogs.

Now, this is not new to our house. Tara(8) has been an avid dog lover her entire life. We house dogs in every color, shape and size. We have long haired mongrels and short, sassy diva dogs. Some have collars, and names, whereas others are just part of a hoard of nameless, but extremely valued, pets.

In real life, we share our livingspace with just two, airbreathing, toy chewing pets. Carl, the youngest of the two, was the birthday present my husband loves to hate. He has poor house manners, gets into everything he is not suppose to, and nips and bites at the kids. We hear, "NO, Carl!" several times a day, and I trip over him at least 6 times a day! But, we love him. Alot. He has the sweetest eyes and when he sleeps, he is simply adorable.

The second dog is perfect. She never messes in the house, never chews anything she is not suppose to chew, and is loyal to the point of perfection. She can tell time, we assume, because she knows exactly when Tyler's (13) bus is due to arrive. She came to us named Butterscotch, but most of us call her Baby. She is sweet, gentle and perfect as a family pet. She mothers Carl and the 6 month old kitten, Martin, and does a fine job of it.

I tell you about Baby and Carl because they are dogs. They are real. They are a part of our family. But as far as the kids are concerned, they are not really real dogs. The real dogs are the ones that they can pile on top of each other in their play carriers. They never have to go out to potty, although they spend alot of time outside with the girls. So much, in fact, that dogs are a large part of our weekly laundry.

The dogs that are real to the girls do not eat much. However, I continually find little kitchen containers full of dog chow in hidden places in our home. Sometimes I even see little feet sneaking into the bathroom, and then little hands carrying small bowls of water out of it. I know they are feeding their dogs. They are not as sneaky as they think they are.

What this dog fantasy world has created in my girls is wonderful. Mere is quite the animal lover, to the point that she often refers to her dog pets as her friends. She is nurturing (mostly) and is totally absorbed into her play world. Her dogs talk to one another, unless she is in the barking mood. She even has taught Bella how to drink her milk out of a bowl like a puppy, and they often walk on all fours.

Tommy (6) is quite content to play his fantasy worlds on the Wii game system. He builds people with facial hair, personalities, and eye glasses. He does not bark. He likes the music that beep, beep, beeps without ceasing when he has the controller in his hands. But Mere and Bella like the real life. Dogs. Dogs. Dogs.

Some moms are not supportive of children who walk on all fours, bark and drink their milk like puppies. I love it. They are learning to care for those who can not care for themselves. That is a good trait. A trait I want to foster in each of them.

I do not even pretend to know all the names of their dogs. If I call one of them "Tinkerbell" or "George," I am politely reminded that I am calling the dogs by their wrong names. No wonder they don't come running when I call.

It's an facinating world living with dogs. Oh, yeah, and kids.

The Puppling

2010-09-23T15:54:00.000-07:00

My niece brought home her 4 lb. baby today. Not only is it a miracle that we was born at 32 weeks gestation, and has had NO medical issues, but he also is the long-awaited sibling to 3 beautiful children, all of whom have been with us for the past seven weeks while their mom kept the baby safe.

My niece loves children like I do. When friends would ask us why we volunteered to keep three small children and love them like our own for nearly two months, we had a hard time putting words to it.

I think we defined it, eventually, this way: because we could.

Having 7 kids at home, some of them the very same ages of my great nieces and nephew, means we are set up for kids. And once you hit seven, 3 more doesn't really seem that much more.

I don't work outside the home, like all the other family members. Plus, I love children.

My great nieces and nephew were used to being here, since their mom is also my friend, we have spent alot of time during this past year running around together, going to movies, and scrapbooking. We enjoy each others company.

I love her children, they are my family.

God places us in situations where we can help others. This was a situation where I could help.

I knew her fourth pregnancy was not planned, but she has a wonderful husband and enjoys her children, so from the very beginning, I knew I would help out if she needed me to.

Her pregnancies don't ever make it full term, so when we went on our vacation towards her seventh month, it made sense to take the kids with us, "just in case." She was already on bedrest, so the goal was to keep her pregnant as long as possible. We almost made it home, but my niece was taken to the hospital when her water broke, on a Saturday night so we knew the most likely ones to keep the kids would be us...they had been with us to Jersey and back, and were settled in here. It made perfect sense.

Fortunately, the time on complete bedrest allowed my niece to keep the baby safely below her heart for a few weeks longer, making his birth 2 weeks ago a much healthier birth for the baby.

So, as we all waited for updates from the hospital on this tiny, sweet miracle, he grew and got stronger. So strong that today he was able to come home to a very excited family who welcome him.

Today also marks the last night of my little visitors. They will be returning home tomorrow to begin the adjustment to their newest family member. We will reposition our kids in their own beds again, and get back on our regular family schedule. I will pack their clothes and toys tomorrow, and gather up the things I can find that need to go home with them. I will close the door to our nursery, waiting for the Ethiopian children that will join our family soon.

Until then, I am thankful for the time to love my niece, her children, and welcome such a precious new baby into the family. My 6 year old, Meredith, called him a little Puppling today. Somehow, that really fits.

Welcome little baby Jack. See you soon, Nila, Macy and Liam. Thank you, Tona and Billy, for allowing us to love your children. It's time for you all to be together and build your family. I will miss seeing them day to day. It's been an exciting seven weeks together which none of us will ever forget.

Holding baby Jack today made every bit of the past seven weeks worth it.

Welcome to this crazy world, Baby Jack. You are much loved. And you have a wonderful family that I am especially fond of.

Things I have learned at the Laundromat

2010-08-26T09:58:00.001-07:00

While washing clothes at the campground laundry, these are the things I have learned:

If I have a can of pop and a package of cookies, near me, the kids will find me.

My kids, come to find out, are NOT the dirtiest ones in the campground.

Everyone has a story to tell. Like the lady who's husband is dying of liver cancer and how she's learned to value life and appreciate it so much more day to day. I wish I had gotten her name. But I will never forget our conversation.

Or the lady who is camping with her 6 grandkids, and complaining about how much laundry she has to do....that one cracked me up, since I was doing laundry for twelve of us!! And, having my grandkids so far away, I don't think I would ever complain about doing their laundry. I would love to have them close enough to me so that I COULD do their laundry!

Another random thought while I am watching the dryer spin, is, for every quarter I am sticking into this dryer or washer, I am depriving one of my kids the opportunity to shower in the campground shower room. Yes, they charge a quarter for a shower. At first it ticked me off, I mean, we are paying plenty in the two week jaunt to cover a shower. And Nicole was terrified it would shut off in the middle of her sauna and she always took two coins just in case. I always shower in the camper, but the big kids, especially, go to the shower room. But then I mellowed out and realized, for just a quarter, I lose 3 teen or near-teen children for up to 1/2 hour. That is actually a bargain for a quarter. With the benefit, I do not have to listen to their teenage conversations, that usually makes my skin crawl after the 22 hour car ride to Jersey.

When I am on laundry duty, it never ceases to amaze me how quickly the kids find me. I mean, usually at a campground, I am looking for where they got off to on their bikes, but when they know I have a bag of laundry money, they come running to me like long lost cousins. They are the sweetest, most loving children I have ever seen when they have their grubby little hands out, asking for a couple of quarters for the game room. And, ask their dad? He's had his hands full with them the whole time I did laundry...what??? They were bothering me, not him!!

At home, we both dread laundry duty, and are very grateful for a friend that helps us keep our heads above the suds. But when camping, we fight over who GETS to do the laundry, because that usually means a bit of time with a magazine, our laptops, or a short nap between machines having to be switched. However, since the kids are now masterminds at the whole quarter thing, we get less time alone, and more time fighting off their requests. I may quit lobbying for laundry duty from now on.

Another thing I have learned is that people will knock you down to get their laundry into a washer before you. I typically go early, and figure for 6-8 loads it will be a 2 1/2 hour job. That's if Atilla the Hun is not trying to do her laundry. I fill the washers as full as they can go and still get the clothes fairly clean, but Atilla likes to put 5 pieces of her delicates in one washer, a hand towel and a few washrags in another, while she takes yet another washer for her tennis shoes that she, most likely, would never wash at home. So out of 9 washers, she has just taken up 3, and stands guard over a fouth one, just in case a member of her family may need to put garment in it before she is finished. I think the rules should say, "No saving washers," because laundromat people do not understand the phrase "first come, first served." With Atilla at the helm, I have 5 washers available to do 6-8 loads of laundry, and I am only washing what I have to have to get by. Our camping clothes traditionally get pretty ruined every year, so it's just a matter of necessity that I wash while we are camping. The clothes don't usually look much better when I am done. They do smell better tho. One lady actually accused me of not saving a washer for her. What?? Like I can think about what she needs when I am fighting off grubby hands begging for quarters, Atilla's dark stare as I slink past her to double load the last washer in the place, and she thinks I can save a washer for her? Oh my. It's a world I am not that comfortable with.

Plus, alot of campers have an attitude. I mean, the ones who pay to leave their campers there all summer act like they own the place. In reality, we pay MORE than they do, so shouldn't we be entitled to a little bit better treatment - or at least some kindness!!

I was glad when I met friends of Scott and Britt's to know that there truly are some people in South Jersey who are kind, compassionate, nice people. Otherwise, my dealings with most of them would leave me with a much different impression.

So, that's what I think about when I am doing laundry at a campground. I suppose in some way it will grow me or I will gain compassion, or something like that. Mostly, I get the job done, and when I get home, I appreciate my friend who helps me with my laundry even more. Plus, my friend never holds out a grubby hands and asks for a quarter. Now that's a definate win!

2010-08-21T07:29:00.000-07:00

We took an impromptu trip yesterday with all 13 kids and the 4 of us adults. We headed to Philly from Ocean City, NJ. The heat got the better of us so we went with PLAN B.

The Aquarium, Camden, NJ. What an awesome decision! The kids ran from exibit to exibit, excited at every turn. There were some favorites for each of them. The Hippos were fun to watch as they wrestled, with their huge teeth and wide mouths. They were so playful that they drew alot of attention, but they also moved so effortlessly in the tank that it was unbelievable to imagine their massive size.

We saw Penguins that seemed zapped by the heat. They looked like statues, barely moving. The seals glided in their pool, belly up, effortlessly, without a care in the world.

The most intimidating to me was the huge crabs, their pinchers looking like they could kill a human with very little effort. I think sea life is awesome, but scarey too!!

We saw Sea Horses floating, and were able to pet several Stingrays!! That was a highlight for all the kids. Little Keegy was laughing so much everytime they floated past and he could touch their backs. The kids also spent alot of time touching SHARKS!! Some of the sharks were so curious they stuck their noses above water like a dolphin would! Macy, my 3 year old great niece, was intimidated by the moving creatures, so was shy at that point. My 3 year old grandson, Keegan, however, actually picked up a star fish! I think that frightened the worker there, and he had to put it down right away. For the grandsons, they are used to finding things on the beach, so this must have looked like an easy catch to Keegan, with the critters floating in a clear glass tank and someone telling them to touch the creatures!!

Of course, the final room lead us directly to the gift shop, so everyone had to pick out a treasure to remember the day. I tried to steer them away from candy and knickknacks, preferring them to get a stuffed toy or shirt. We were mostly successful, although no one choose the lavendar hippo. I guess I should have gotten one for me. It seems I was the only one who really loved that one!

We stopped at Subway for a fast dinner on the way home. 9 kids meals, 5 adult meals and one adult sustaining from fast food for the night. We ate on the way back to Scott's house, and were back at the campground by 9. It took about 45 minutes to get everyone slowed down and asleep, but eventually, everyone drifted into dreamland, most likely viewing all sorts of sea life in their minds.

I know I did. That's what memories are made of.

Adventures in Jersey

2010-08-17T21:23:00.000-07:00

Being on the Ocean shoreline has definitely given us alot of adventure so far this week.

The waves were perfect the first day out, and the kids were jumping in them as soon as their feet hit the water. Since we brought my 2 great nieces, and great nephew with us, I am trying to watch 10 kids in the water, plus my 3 precious grandsons.

Grandson #1 is hitting the waves on a long board!! Amazing. He's not even 5 yet!! He impressed me immediately with his agility and drive to catch the perfect wave. Gnarly, dude!

Grandson #2 played for hours in the sand, found shells and special rocks for me to take home, and chased the sea gulls. He is the shy type, but can melt my heart with one dimpled grin. I love watching his almost 3 year old creative mind while he played on the beach.

Grandson #3, at 10 months old, has eaten his weight in sand. For sure. He is the blondest, blue eyed beach bum, and loved stomping in the water while holding onto his momma's fingers. Between he and his older brother, they had PaPa on his back in the sand, showing us exactly what this beach life is like! Adorable!

I was a bit worried when my 10 month old great nephew was shoving his mouth full of the wet sand, but my grandsons have all done it too, and they are healthy, happy guys. And, like the old saying goes, "It all comes out in the end."

My great nieces had totally different reactions the first time at the Ocean. Nila, the oldest at almost 5, ran to the water and couldn't get enough of the waves. Macy, almost 3, was much more timid, but once Britt took her into the water, she loved it and couldn't stop running in for more. I was able to take several photos of them all, 13 kids, 13 years and under, enjoying God's beautiful creation.

The beach and Ocean are always changing. On Sunday, the beach was literally covered in washed-up jelly fish. I had never seen anything like it. Mere, Tom and Kaiden ran up and down the shore collecting them, and by days end, they had amassed at least 100! They collected them on a boogie board and in sand buckets, hoping to take them home to show our oldest daughter, Ashleigh. It looked like tons of slimy, clear pancakes had been strewn along the beach, almost sticking to the wet sand in hopes that some curious child would come along to collect them. So they did! Of course, they had to be put back in the ocean!! But we were able to get pictures and they are worth a thousand words.

The next day they ran to the beach hoping to collect more, and there were none!! However, this time they had big brother Scotty with us, and the surf boards!! We found out Tara is actually very good and was able to get up on the board several times and ride a few waves in. With her blond hair and deep tan this summer, she looks like she fits in very well with the surfers around town! Tyler took his turn on the board, enjoying the deep water with his big brother. It sure wears them out and helps them sleep good at night.

After being on the beach for about an hour, I was snapping pictures for our memory books, and trying to get shots of all the kids in their worlds of play, when I saw Britt come limping out of the Ocean. As she got closer, I realized her knee was bleeding, and within a few minutes, my EMT son had determined it would need stitches. Three hours later, as the kids were melting down from exhaustion, we returned to the camper, three stitches and a bruised knee later, to a crockpot dinner that we had started much earlier, and an early bedtime. I won't go into details about the neighbors we have to one side of us, but let's just say, East Coast folks are pretty brisk and that's only the nicer way of saying R.U.D.E.
Momma's, don't let your children grow up to be like them! I am sure there are nice folks here, but we haven't met any yet.

Today we spent the afternoon at Britt and Scott's house. They have moved into a large home with alot of yard, so there is plenty of room to run and play. The kids played in Kaid and Keegy's pool, and even baby Keane was having a ball sliding over the edge and into the water! Baby Liam was less impressed with the water, but sure enjoyed sitting next to Keane later and eating tomatoes!! The boys are cute together and it's interesting to hear peoples comments about them being twins. We just say, "Nope, cousins." It's fun to see them together.

We went to Sunset Beach for dinner on the deck, and was able to take part in the Ceremony at dusk of the lowering of the American Flag that had been donated by a Veteran's family. Tonight the man we honored, along with all Vets, was named Larry. He passed away two years ago, and was 91 years old. It's hard to explain to the kids just how important this ceremony is. It means so much to honor those who have served our country. As the music to the National Anthem played, Nila turns to me and says, "Why are we singing so many songs?" I hope one day they will have a small memory of the time we stood on the beach with our hands over our hearts, and remember just how special it was to be a part of a nation that honors those who give us the freedoms we enjoy today. The ceremony always brings up questions from the kids, and is a highlight to our trip.

At one point tonight, Kaiden looks up at me and says, "Grandma, I am glad you are here." Oh Kaiden, I could never explain how much I miss these days when we are apart. I am so glad to be here too. My favorite days are the ones with Kaiden, Keegan and Keane.

On a lighter note, as the ceremony began tonight, I was watching the sun disappear into the Ocean when the announcers voice came across the public address system. Mere looks up at Britt, standing just to my left, and says, "Where is that voice coming from? Is it Santa?" She seemed to be a bit confused about the whole ceremony, but it gave us a chuckle as we packed the van to head home.

We have been able to visit the firehouse where Scott works, get ice cream and smoothies, do 6 loads of laundry at the camp laundromat,surf, eat and play, so tomorrow, when it rains the men will stay with the kids at Scott's house while Britt and I go do some serious shopping. Not bad for our first few days in Jersey...

And, just maybe, we will get to see Keane start to walk. He's so close, and tries harder every day. It is just one of those things that makes the long ride sooooo worth it!! The rest of it is just icing on the cake.

Getting Ready for Jersey!

2010-08-10T13:40:00.000-07:00

This is the week we wait for all year long. On Friday afternoon, we leave for New Jersey!

I have never been impressed with NJ as a state, or even as a vacation spot. Until my grandsons moved there.

To me, Jersey was just a place - but an important place, now, since it holds a large part of my heart.

Kaiden was six months old when he left Michigan. After his dad, Scott, got through his Boot Camp days in the Coast Guard, they packed up their belongings and we waved goodbye, through our tears, to the most precious little life and his parents.

Over the years we have managed at least one trip a year, as a family, to where Kaiden lives. It's always an added blessing to have time with Britt and Scott too, but the main draw is Kaiden.

In the fall of 2007, Keegan joined the ranks. His cries were louder when he was born than I remembered Kaid's, but just like his big brother, Keegy's little fingers wrapped themselves around our hearts and now we had two very special reasons to travel the globe and back.

I have been fortunate enough to fly out in between our yearly visits, especially during the times that Britt was due to deliver these blessings. I have even managed an extra trip "just because" I really needed a hefty dose of grandkids to get me through my days.

The last trip out was in March for Scott and Britt's birthdays, and also to get in on a little extra loving from the baby of the family, Keane, whom we had only seen at his birth last October 10th. They all came for a short visit in June, but since they were needing to spend time with Britt's brother before he went into the service himself, that time was exceptionally short for us. (Of course, it usually is, regardless of how many days we get to be together!!)

The main thing is, we are getting ready to head out to see those beautiful boys and by saturday, Lord willing, we will be watching our road weary kids splashing in the kiddie pool with their young nephews, and I will be snapping pictures right and left of the bobbing blonde heads of my favorite grandsons!!

It is a moment or two when time stands still and we can enjoy the bond that glues us together as a family.

Kaid will start preschool next month. He's turning 5 on October 3, and I wonder where that time has gone? It seems impossible to fathom that he will now have a great amount of influence from others around him. He will make choices and decisions on his own now, perfect at his age. He will meet new people, and broaden his mind and horizons. His parents have chosen a good school, and he is so smart and ready for it. I am proud of the little man he is already, and look forward to hearing all of his plans in the days ahead. I asked Britt if I could go back pack shopping with Kaid when we are there, and he sounded excited about it!! I wish I could be there for his first day of school, but I know his mommy will let him call me to tell me all about it.

Keegy wants to go to school too, but he is just turning 3 on Sept. 23. He is such a little man. His hair gets blonder every time I see him, with all that Ocean sunshine and fresh air! He loves the beach, and animals, especially cats and horses. He has his own way of talking that sometimes mystifies this gramma, but his dimpled grin gets me even when his words don't make sense. He's a spitfire, since day one, when we could hear his loud cries in the halls of the OB unit!! He was the first "real" Jersey kid, but I hear traces of an accent in both boys voices now when we talk on the phone. Keegy is a bit shy at first, but warms up and skips and laughs right along with all the others. I am taking a bag of preschool goodies for him to stay busy when big brother goes to school.

Hard to believe that Kaid and Keeg are out of the toddler stage now, and on to more important big boy things. Like bikes, skateboards and surfing. They jump the ocean waves with such confidence, telling us about the shells on the beaches and the wonders of their world. I can't wait.

Keane is on the move since the last time I saw him, and it sounds like if he's not walking this week, he will be before we leave Jersey. He's built alot like Kaiden was at that age, thick and soft, a sturdy little man. He's got the bluest eyes I have ever seen on a baby, and he looks so different than the others with brown eyes. But he's definately "one of us" and makes me remember the stages the other boys went through at his very age. It's all happening so fast - he's learned to say "Ball" and "Dada" and "Momma" and before you know it, he will be another little voice on the phone saying "Narly, Gramma!" That's my grandsons!! I know Keegy and Keane may be too little to spend the night in "Papa's" camper, but we will soon be there, around the campfire, or playing in their back yard, making memories to last us through the long winter months while we are apart.

I don't know where their next stop in life will be. I know Scott and Britt are beginning their international adoption process right now, and their next child will be just as loved and wanted as the first three. We will watch and wait with anticipation to see which child we will welcome into our family next, and continue to pray as that child waits for our love bonds to bring us together. I am not sure where God will be leading them over the next year or so, and where their life work will lead them. My heart would love for them to be right in my back yard! But God has a greater plan for their family.

Until then, we pack the trailer, plan meals and get things ready to leave here.
Boys, Papa and Gramma are coming - get those surfboards ready!! See you Saturday!!
Hugs and kisses, until we see you again!

Toothless Grin

2010-07-27T05:26:00.000-07:00

I was out with my niece last night when Tara lost her tooth.

She wiggled one on the bottom of her mouth for most of one day, and was rewarded with it's release, very excited about the event. She realized later that evening that the top one just above it had also started to loosen, so she immediately began the wiggling to loosen it enough to pull it out. It took an extra day, but she finally was able to snatch it out last night.

The significance of this tooth event is that she is the girl that is the most persistent person I have ever known. If she wants something, she will stop at nothing to accomplish her goal.

This goal, for Tara, was not to be toothless. It was the hope of a big bonus from the Tooth Fairy!! As the first tooth was put in the envelope, she instructed her older sister to write a message to Ms. TF. Namely, "Please put $7 in the envelope."

Neither of the girls thought this was unusual. Both Mike and I laughed.

For an 8 year old, this is her one chance to make a buck. She isn't old enough for a job, she doesn't get an allowance, and anytime there is extra chores with a price tag she prefers not to partake of the activity. So, loosing teeth is her one shot.

Mike showed me the envelopes they left for the Tooth Fairy. They are adorable, and very politely blatant about her requests.

I remember being thrilled with a dime under my pillow. There may have been a time when a molar could bring in a shining quarter. My oldest kids remember 50 cents for their teeth, possibly a dollar bill if the tooth was lost under duress. Like the one time my youngest brother, Charlie, lost a tooth when mom was moving a chair over his head into the livingroom during a family gathering. Somehow the chair and Charlie's teeth collided, so the Tooth Fairy brought $3, slipping it under his pillow, which seemed totally acceptable for how he had lost that tooth. He was too young at the time to wish it had been more teeth affected.

So, here we are in the day of inflation, putting more demands on the Tooth Fairy. The girls explain it this way:

"When you were little you got change. It got to be too heavy for her to carry, so she switched to dollar bills. She knows you can't get much for a dollar, so she gives at least two dollars for every tooth now."

Tara's pillow hid $4, which, even considering inflation, seems like quite the haul to me.

It's so fun being 8.

School Shopping

2010-07-26T04:59:00.000-07:00

It's the time of year when I need to start thinking about school shopping.
I hate it.

I have had kids in school for millions of years now, so when Walmart puts their school supplies on sale, I start grabbing the things I know we will need. This year I was able to get 12 boxes of crayons, 6 scissors, 4 rulers, 24 glue sticks, 18 notebooks, 6 boxes of colored pencils.....the list goes on. That part is easy, because I can shop in the evenings alone while the kids are sleeping and Mike is working on his paperwork.

But when my 12 year old Diva suggests it's SCHOOL SHOPPING time, she is far from thinking of the supplies that will fill her backpack. She is craving clothes!!!

Now, I am not a huge supporter of going shopping for all new school clothes. We are blessed with cousins and friends who pass down wonderful items that fit my kids, and all of the kids have large supplies of outfits to choose from every day. When the weather changes, we may need a few warmer outfits, but we can catch those on sale when it's time.

But the Diva I mentioned is different. For one, she's over 5ft. 6" tall now. She has the body of a young woman, and she never stops growing. She has a certain sense about how one should dress and we seldom see eye to eye on her choices. For her, shopping is pure joy. For me - I would rather have a root canal, broken legs, or a concussion.

I have a problem with all the young girls wearing clothes that show their underwear. You know what I mean. Tops or bottoms, I think underwear should be covered. I don't like to see bellys peaking out, and who came up with the idea that shirts need to be tighter than their own skin? Thongs should never be seen by anyone other than the wearer, and certainly not for me to have to look at when the wearer is directly in front of me at the check out.

I want my kids to learn to be modest, but they think I am a prude. My 13 year old son wants to parade around the house with his shirt off, chest out, manly muscles pumping. I say, "Save us from the show - PUT ON YOUR SHIRT!!"

This prevalent attitude that I have can cause serious issues when shopping. I think it's ridiculous to wear 2 shirts, just for the sake of wearing 2 shirts. She thinks it's imperitive that she does, or else her friends will think she's weird. OK?

I think shorts need to be short enough to be cool, but long enough to be decent. Shirts need to cover all the essentials, but not be so tight that there is reason to believe the wearer can not possibly be breathing.

Pants on a young man should not only cover his underwear, but it should not require the young man to hold his fly, thus keeping his pants from falling completely on the ground. What good is a one-armed young man? Do they know they can actually get more done when they can use both hands, and not have to hold their pants up?

And whoever invented the leggings should be shot. I mean, if you are 90 pounds soaking wet, they can be adorable. And I love them on my little girls. But the older you get, the less you should wear them - unless you have a great figure that is enhanced by the wearing of such tights. Anyone else, beware.

It's like the email I got the other day that said, "Just because you can buy a bikini, doesn't mean you should wear one."

And shoes. Since we live in flip flops all summer, I have to buy all 6 of the school age kids some good shoes. By good shoes, I mean, nice, stylish, (velcro for the youngest)tennis shoes that will get alot of use on the playground. Never white ones, but ones that will show the least amount of wear and tear until the canvas is ripped, or the rubber comes loose and it's time for new ones.

My Diva? She thinks she needs at least 4 pair or 5. And not tennis shoes - those would never do. There has to be enough choices to go with every different outfit and it really doesn't matter if they are comfy or not. They have to LOOK good.

My teenage son? He is so skinny that I have to find LONG jeans, very narrow waisted, with pockets. Forget belt loops. He'll never wear a belt if he can get out of here without me noticing. And the criteria for his clothes? Gotta be awesome.

My eleven year old daughter is so easy to dress. She likes anything, loves hand-me-downs, and is grateful for everything. I love dressing her for school, and all I have to do is encourage her to match her colors better. She's not known for her ability to match an outfit.

I have a credit at JC Penney, which is part of the reason my Diva thinks we need to take a trip to the mall. NOT!! I have to remind her dad not to mention stuff like that out loud!! I would prefer to use my credit on christmas shopping, which, by the way, is just around the corner now!

School shopping is my least favorite activity. I think for today I will put if off and wait for the day when it is absolutely necessary!

There is still much more to do before summer can officially be over, and school begins again.

Michigan Dunes - Or, How I faced my Challenge

2010-07-22T06:11:00.000-07:00

We spent the weekend camping in the midwestern portion of our state, as close as we could be to the Lake Michigan dunes. Well, actually, we were closer to some of the dunes before we even left home, but these were dunes we had never seen before.

Sitting on the beach, after climbing for what felt like DAYS (but was really about a hard 45 minute climb in slipping sands), Mike told me about the time he remembered being at this same lake with his family and grandparents, when he was a young child. It brought back memories for him that I had never heard about before. Wonderful family times. Priceless.

I downplay the climb, mostly due to the fact that there was more than one time that I thought my life was going to end right there on the sands of Lake Michigan, and my family would be able to roll me down a hill and cover me up to leave me there, or perhaps, they would walk on and never look back as I slowly melted into the ever changing sands that swallowed me up.

I was feeling quite feeble as my old knees screamed, "STOP!" and my heart raced with the uncommon exertion. The kids ran ahead, throwing sand in their wake, then turned around, secretly mocking my inability to compete with their youth and energy, returning to grab my hand or lighten my load by offering to carry something for me.

At one point, I begged them to continue without me, remembering to come back to pick me up before they headed back to camp at nightfall. No deal. We all would go forward, or we all would stop. Solidarity. Nice.

Their springing steps in the hot sand sickened me. I know they are alot younger than me, but come on!!! They were practically dancing circles around my feeble attempts to move forward in the sand!!

I looked over at Mike, expecting him to eye me pitifully, while he secretly wished I could put a little "umph" in my steps. He leans close, and says, "This is making me feel extremely old!"

After we struggled our way over the dunes to get to the lake, I was thrilled to practically run (yeah, right) down the backside of the dunes toward the water, stopping only long enough to breathe. Yeah, it really wasn't any easier going down, no matter what my kids tell you. Thankfully there was a long stretch of poles and rope separating the "endangered dunes" from the "healthy, moving dunes" (still not sure how they could tell the difference), so I could send the chidren ahead toward the water as I meandered my way to the lakeside. Coming closer to the beach were posted signs, "Do not Enter. Private property. No Tresspassing." I was afraid I would lose sight of the kids who had run ahead of us, but I should not have feared. There, just past the "DO NOT ENTER" sign were half of them, swimming in private lakefront off the private beach, oblivious to the major warnings to stay away. At least they were safe there until I was able to reach them!

I layed my sheet on the beach, hoping my heart would quit racing and my breathing return to normal before we had to head back up the dunes to return to civilization. It was already after supper, so I knew I only had about 3 hours for my body to recover before nightfall.

When I realized I would have to begin the treck back, each of the kids protested or requested more time in the water. Since we had not brought breakfast with us, I knew our time up the huge sand dunes was going to have to begin sooner than later, since walking in the full sunlight was challenging enough. I doubted I would ever make it back once the moon came out. We gathered our shoes and towels, drank all but the last water bottle we had carried, and ate all the cookies we brought with us. Going uphill would mean we'd have to lighten our load considerably, or I, especially, would never hope to get off this desolate mountain of sand.

We gathered our wits, coralled our forces, and marched to the foot of the hill. I listed toward the pole that held the dividing ropes, hoping to garner some support from their stalwart positions as I climbed upward to our final destination.

The ropes became my lifeblood. By the time I was halfway up the dunes, I was grabbing, fist over fist, literally pulling my entire weight up the hill, only slipping to my knees every other step of the way. By the time I was within four poles from the top of the tallest dune in the world, the kids were cheering me on, Mike was pulling for me from deep within his heart, and I, although panting the entire time, I finally reached the highest point. It would be all down hill from here.

Well, sparing the rest of the gory details, we made it, enmass, to the bottom of the dunes, where Mike had travelled first, mainly to get our photos from the base to see just how far we had come. I see the pictures, days later, and my knees ached just looking at them.

By the time we had taken our seats in the van so that we could travel back to our campground and comfy beds, the kids were talking about returning to the dunes the following day for another excursion.

I, on the other hand, opted for the calmer trip to the local Petting Zoo and Farm Market, which was just a short drive from our campsite. I slept well that night, dreaming of the adorable animals we would visit the next day, ever grateful that I would not be spending that particular night on the top of a large sand dune, alone, and scared, lost in a mountain of drifting sand.

The Fraility of Life

2010-07-22T05:32:00.000-07:00

I am sitting, again, with my husband as we wait for his father to come out of surgery. In the past 4 months, his dad has undergone just as many surgeries. It's amazing how much he's been through. Five bypasses to his failing heart, after a heart catherization that followed a heart attack. Then within a month, before he had recovered fully, he lost the majority of his left leg to diabetes complications. Today, he has an infected bone in his right foot, and is expecting to lose a portion of his flesh and infected bone today.

This is a strange place to be. There have been years of stress in this father/son relationship, and here we are at another point in his life where he needs us. It's not the time to fuss over past pain or disappointments, but time to honor the fact that he is the father, and needs his son. I know God has blessed Mike's respectful handling of his dad, and we are here because the relationship goes much deeper than it probably should.

There is an old statement that comes to my mind today: "Let bygones be bygones." I don't know that I have realized it before, but this is what it's about today. As the past melts away, we are at peace that we are here today, honoring an earthly father, while more so, our Heavenly Father. It's not where we expected to be ten years ago, but we are here today.

While camping last weekend, we stopped on the way home for snacks. The restroom had a soap dispenser, and when I washed my hands there was a familiar scent that caught me off guard. I dried my hands, and the fragrance that remained immediately brought me back many, many years to my grandma's house. The soap in the dispenser had the very same fragrance that my grandma's soap had, and whether it was the same brand of not, I am not sure. But throughout the next hour or so, I could pick up faint remembrances of grandma, just through the scent of a particular soap. Memories are like that. They come out of nowhere, assault your senses, and leave behind a trail of thoughts that take you back to another day, another time.

I was caught in the middle of our weekend camping, making memories with my youngest children, but mindful of the past that shaped me into who I am today.

I am glad that we are here today. It's not the kind of memories that are pleasant, sitting in a waiting room for word from the doctor that Mike's dad has weathered another storm. But our past mandates the future, because who we are today is because of what we have been through in the past.

I am here for Mike. He is here for his dad. We are here together because it's important for us to honor the fact that, through thick or thin, this is what family is, and what family does for each other. It's the lingering scent of our lives, the past, the present and our future. I hope we live a life that leaves a memorable "scent" behind, so when our days are nearing the end, our children can remember us, reach out to each other, and honor the family ties that make us strong.

It's what makes our lives worth living.

A Full Cup

2010-07-12T19:28:00.000-07:00

We got home yesterday from another weekend camping trip. This was our second trip this summer with my parents and my younger brother and his family. It's always alot of cooking, alot of eating, and TONS of laughing!! My dad can be quite witty, and my brother never stops - he is constant jokes, puns, songs, smiles, and laughter. He keeps the ball rolling all weekend. Precious times.

Today I was able to drop 4 kids off at Vacation Bible School at a church where they have attended VBS for the last few years. They are creative with their props and everyone seems to get into the spirit of the event. My kids love it. It felt strange to leave the four of them and realize they had 3 hours without me there, and they were perfectly fine with it. They are all seasoned scholars now, having school day experiences behind them, and they were even thrilled to have classes with some of their previous school mates today. They were all smiles when I picked them up.

Our local elementary school is providing free lunches this summer for children. The kids thought that was pretty awesome today, so we plan to go tomorrow too. It's plenty of food, but I was hesitant at first that I shouldn't partake. We don't NEED to go for a free lunch, and I didn't want to take from someone who needed it. The staff assured me it was open to everyone, and if they didn't use it, the grant would not be available next time. It was nice to see others from the community, and visit while we ate our sack lunches. After lunch, my cousin and her kids stayed to play on the school playground with us. Then I brought her 2 home to play while she went to her college class. I don't think the kids wanted their fun day to end.

At supper time we got a call from our friend. He and his 3 kids were looking for someone to hang out with tonight, so I asked them to join us for supper. It turned into a fun evening with all ten of our combined children playing hide and seek and then catching fireflies once it was near dark. The kids were so tired from all the running and playing with their friends tonight that they dropped into bed without a fuss. It reminded me several times of the days when I was young, and then the later on years when my older children were youngsters, of playing out in the yard, and running around with the cousins. It brought back special memories for me, and I love the fact that the new generation of children are making their own memories.

It's been a full day. I have more painting projects to finish, but I wouldn't trade the times I had today for anything in the world. Time with family and friends are what makes my day complete, or as a friend says, "Fills my cup." I am full to overflowing tonight, and that is a wonderful feeling to fall asleep on.

I hope each of my friends and family have their cups full tonight, and memories to dream of as they sleep. Goodnight to you all.

Another Step Closer to Ethiopia

2010-07-06T13:13:00.000-07:00

Although it seems it has taken us forever to get to this point, we were very excited to get our passports in the mail this week!! That is a major step, and the last one before getting our dossier authenticated so we can send it to Ethiopia!!

We have had so many delays along the way, including a discouraging start to our first homestudy, which eventually lead us to the sweetest social worker who is also a Christian and a prospective adoptive parent herself! She has encouraged us beyond belief through the past year of paperwork, and is rooting for us (and us for her!!).

We had hoped for a domestic adoption, so our Ethiopian plans were put on hold for a few months this year, but that plan failed and nearly stopped our hearts from going forward. Once we were back on track, we were ready to commit to a newborn boy in Ghana, once again putting Ethiopia on the back burner. We longed for a child to complete our family, and all these roads kept stopping our efforts, and leading us back to Ethiopia. When the placement in Ghana was offered, we knew it was not right for our family.

I admit, our love for the Ethiopian children has been brewing for a long time. We know going to their country will be a hardship for our seven at home, as they (and some of their wacky schedules and special needs) have to do without either of us around for a few days when we travel to court for the new ones, and that is not without alot of concern on our parts. We don't have the easiest situations for someone else to step into, granted, and it is scarey to realize it will have to be a part of us moving forward toward the next adoption. Although we can plan for as much as possible, having seven kids is no small task for anyone to manage. We are used to it, and some days we get overwhelmed with the issues that can surface in a half a minute or less!!

So, getting our passports in the mail was a great reminder that we are back on track, and that much closer to going to meet our newest family members. We have requested two children, as young as possible (wouldn't twins be great!!) but that decision will be up to the Ethiopian government. Sure, there is some nervous wondering who our next arrival will be, but it's just another part of God's plan we are willing to submit to.

Getting our rooms switched around this past week (and week to come!) is another reminder we are making changes in our family. In this house, no one gets real comfortable with their own space, because in the past 8 years, it's always changing!! Kids change rooms, or roommates, on a regular basis, because that is what has to be done to keep the flow running smoothly around here. I think we have a good plan worked out for now! As I was painting this morning, the 6 year old neighbor boy comes over and says, "You're painting? You should call my dad, because he will do it for free!" What a nice neighbor!! (tee hee)

We know the names we want to use for a baby boy, and a couple of choices if we are blessed with a girl. We know once we get the referral, we will have months to repaint and carpet the nursery, and the furniture that is in storage will be put out and ready for the great welcoming.

We still get alot of questions.
Some folks (although well meaning, probably)are downright concerned that we are making a huge mistake. Some people have decided to remove themselves from our life due to the decisions we have made to increase our family with another adoption.
There are family members who are not even a part of our lives now that feel as if they have a say in this decision. As much as I would love to give everyone a wonderful synopsis of why we are doing what we are doing, the only thing I can point to is this:

We are doing our best
to follow the plan
that we feel God
has outlined for us and our family.

We are not trying to frustrate anyone. We really just feel like God has directed us this far, and we are grateful to be on the path toward Ethiopia.

It would be nice to have your support and prayers. If you can't, I don't believe there is anything you could say to stop what God has planned for us.

If you want to offer prayers on our behalf, we will be thankful.

Day 4

2010-07-02T10:05:00.000-07:00

I have been on a major cleaning/clearing/sorting/changing phase this week.

After discussing how we could switch rooms around to make the arrangements best for the kids changing needs and playing styles, we decided the 3 youngest girls, 8 yr., 6 yr., and 3 yr. olds, play the most alike and share the majority of the toys in this house. It made sense that they should be moved in together into the largest room.

The largest room happened to be MY bedroom, which we refer to as "the apartment." It actually started out that way. When we added a large two car garage to the house, our daughter was entering college. We assumed she could use a little more space to study in, and get away from the noise around here, so we planned ahead (which is not typical for us)to make a nice space for her. Before it was finished, she decided to try life on her own in an apartment just out of town, and the apartment didn't need to be finished.

Until our son met the woman of his dreams, planned a marriage on a shoestring, and needed a cheap place to rent. He and his fiance' finished the painting, added some touches to make it their own, finishing it just in time to return to after their honeymoon. They inhabited the space until the Coast Guard sent him to Maine, so they packed up their belongings, our first grandchild, and left the apartment open again.

We toyed with the idea of renting the space, but at the time, our family was growing and it seemed like a better idea of opening it up to the main house, and making it into bedrooms.

Shortly after that, we repainted, got rid of the apartment sized appliances, and suddenly, we had a nice size room that 3 girls could share. It became a girly, cotton candy pink heaven for the three older girls. The two youngest, at the time, had their own rooms, and so did the oldest boy.

Fast forward to now. We have one teenage boy, who was thrilled to make a nice space in the old basement room his oldest brother used to have, by painting it to look very sporty and perfect for a young man. The next one is quickly nearing the teenage mark, when she turns 13 this November. She has her own space, but the next budding teen is sqawking about needing a bit more privacy. Normally, I believe it doesn't hurt for kids to share their spaces and thus learn valuable lessons about getting along, and co-operation. We had already converted the lower half (the garage) into bedroom space last year, so now all the kids, except new ones, would be sleeping in the same area of the house, while Mike and I will have the upstairs of the original house as our new domain.

But, we had the space, with a little tweeking! The major tweek came at me too fast. I would need to be the one to move! Soooooo, the short of it is, the apartment space that I had settled nicely into a couple of years ago, has now become the most prized space for the three youngest and all their toys!

It's not that I mind moving. I am actually enjoying going through everything and cleaning it out really well. I have also shuffled items from room to room, making the most use of the furniture we have, and since the move includes everyone except the 13 year old and 6 year old boys, EVERYTHING is upended!

But it feels good. I have been able to eliminate broken or unused toys, and by encouraging the kids to go through their personal items themselves, I have discovered they are more willing to part with things than I am!! They love the idea that their unwanted toys can now go to our local shelter, or thrift store, and other children will enjoy more playtime hours with their treasures.

It feels good to decide what is actually necessary to keep (since I am going to a much smaller room!!) and what I can discard. I can part with old purses and shoes now, keeping only what I truly need.

I like the feeling that my older kids will now have individual spaces to be in charge of, while the messiest of them all will share a space out of the center of our home, so if it's not on one of their cleanest days, it really won't stress me out when company shows up to visit! They will actually have closets big enough for the mounds of stuffed dogs they lovingly harbor, and still have room for their clothes to hang! The oversized bookshelf fits nicely on the wall by the window, with room enough for a small table and chair which will aid in their reading pleasure.

I am teaching my young girls that we can switch spaces, use what we have, and with a new coat of paint on the walls or furniture, we can create a space that's just right for our needs now! One of my daughters would love to go to the IKEA store in Chicago, pick out all new furniture and accessories, and put together the room of her dreams. I am encouraging her to repaint, repair and reposition what we have to make a nice room, and one she can be excited to share with her friends.

It's a tall order, but here we are on day 4 and it's finally taking shape. It is alot of work, and my back screams at me every night when I have fallen into bed, exhausted but pleased with the days accomplishments.

It is all part of a growing family, making room for the next ones, while preserving the space others need too. Our hard work is paying off, and by next week I hope to be able to sit back to enjoy the results of our labors.

For today, I think my break is over now, and there is someone calling my name. Sigh...I know it will all be worth it in a few more days....

Just a few more days.

A Resting Place

2010-06-23T05:53:00.000-07:00

Funerals cause me a lot of introspection.

As family gathered, it was so nice to catch up with faces we see so seldom, and embrace others who we may never see again.

Remembering Grandma is so different for me and my brothers than for the younger grandchildren. We were the first of the 29 grandchildren, and we remember the years when Grandpa was still with us. I remember the nights that my parents would play Canasta with their parents, while I sat on my dad's lap. I remember falling asleep under the hum of the old circular florescent light above the kitchen table, watching the second hand on the black and white clock that clicked it's seconds off, posted above the kitchen sink like a sentry, watching the family gathering while strong hands flipped cards until someone declared the winning hand.

I remember the annual popcorn balls at Halloween that grandma made each year, and the years of backyard bonfires after a family hayride around the neighborhood.

I remember Santa's visit, excited little ones shoulder to shoulder in the living room as we heard his heavy black boots stomp up the basement stairway, his booming "HO-HO-HO" alerting us all to his much awaited arrival! The Christmas lights glowed, there were gifts for all, while sitting on Santa's lap was the highlight that held us over for 364 more days until the next year. Our "Santa" tragically died in 1995, but his memory will live in our hearts forever. The tradition has been kept alive by other uncles, honoring the beginning years when it was all so magically beautiful.

Easter brought us together each year, with the anticipation of candy treats in pastel colored plastic eggs hidden in the brambles of the back yard, or in the lower hanging branches for us as we grew taller with age. The spread of delicious dishes in the kitchen had already filled our growing bodies, so we ran off our energy as the adults visited in the living room, a lovely aunt recording our holiday with an early 1960's movie recorder.

There were short, black and white movies on the darkened bedroom walls, featuring "Our Gang" that we loved to watch over and over. The oldest at the time would control the player, the whirring of the projector with it's jumping pictures entertaining a roomful of grandchildren and aunts who were close to our same age!! We would play the "Twister" game on the floor, until one of collapsed in laughter at the twisted mess we would create of young giggling bodies, fighting over who would be the next to spin the cardboard spinning wheel to decided the colors for the next move. I imagine the adults and babies were enjoying the peace and quite of having the rowdy kids in the next room over, playing and making memories to last a lifetime.

Memorial Day, Labor Day, birthdays...all were celebrated at the grandparents home, the gatherings growing larger over the years, while we welcomed boyfriends or girlfriends into the fold, some who would marry into the family that welcomed them.
The big, black piano would create hours of plunking out familiar songs, with a couple of us playing round after round of "Heart and Soul" to the amazement of our supportive adults. Grandma loved music, so each holiday she encouraged us to bring our instruments, breaking the shyness of performing in public. We squeaked and squawked our way to a final applause. I felt so loved.

There was also the Christmas eve pageant each year, where we took turns portraying Mary, Joseph, Shepherds, Wisemen or angels, swaddling a baby doll from my younger aunt Andrea's room to be the very special Baby Jesus. The story never grew old, the director changed from year to year, and another tradition established. It's here that I could read what I had learned to write out on lined school paper, my cousins so supportive of stories, poems or dreams I had recorded, asking me again and again to read the newest creation I had penned. An atmosphere of encouragement sent me off to believe I could accomplish nearly anything I set my mind to. Family should be that way. This was the family I came from.

Aunt Toni orchestrated a scavenger hunt each year, with strings or slips of paper that lead us to prizes. I imagine it was quite the work for her to put together, but I bet it's part of the early training she received for the lifework she does now as an activities director at a home for the mentally challenged. She was good at it, and I hear she's excellent at her job still today.

So many memories flood my mind. The house, the family that is so precious to me.
My dad looked around at the burial and said, "Mom really created quite the family. She would be so proud." Yes, Dad, she would have been so proud to see how large, how loving, how wonderful the family had become.

After the funeral and saying goodbye to my dear grandma, I received a slip of paper from my Grandma's prayer book from 1983. I have a folder of her handwritten stories in my office, but this piece of paper is a different type of treasure. It is a time in her life when she recorded her prayers for my young family, bolstering me in ways I could sense. Did she ever realize how very much her prayers kept a large family together and brought us to a place in our lives we could never have reached without her faithful intersession?

The youngest grandchild today is around 10. She never really knew grandma before her mind clouded and she was swept into oblivion. She never tasted one of her popcorn balls, or sat around the family living room. With 40 years between us, there is so little we have in common. I rest in the fact that Grandma's legacy will live on in all of us grandchildren. The older, the younger and all those in between. I hope we can share the stories of the wonderful woman we knew, passing on to the generations below us the desire Grandma had to protect, encourage and love each of us as if there were no one more important in the world.

Because that's what family does. That's who Grandma was to me.

The Storm

2010-06-21T06:03:00.000-07:00

When a high winds storm knocked our power out on Friday night, there were some interesting things missing from our daily life.

No TV. Oh my. You would think my kids were totally deprived of life. I could unplug the set, carry the box out to the trash heap and not miss a it at all. The kids, on the other hand, realized there could also be no Wii games, so what in the world would they do now?

Everyone was asleep on the livingroom floor by 9 pm. And is wasn't even dark outside yet. There was definately a stuffiness in the house, but the light glow of candles kept it cozy and peaceful. They slept all night long, which is not typical at our house. I missed the hum of the fan, and my comfy waterbed upstairs. I was afraid if they all fell asleep on the floor and woke to me missing from the couch there would be panic from the little ones, so I continued to fitfully sleep beside them. Mike missed the airconditioning more than I did. I was just so aware of all the sounds, and lack of sounds, that I am accustomed to at night time.

Kids who normally have to be urged to shower were suddenly distraught over the fact that they could NOT shower. The ones who are typically forced to brush teeth were now crying that they could not now.

The ones who delve into the refridgerator numerous times an hour for a snack thought they were near death when we told them they had to open the door sparingly to make our ice last through the undetermined amount of days that we may be without power. We had traveled about 25 miles to get $20 worth of ice, so it became our most precious commodity this weekend.

I missed the ease of morning coffee. A couple of times I reached for my cup with coffee pot in the other hand, just to realize I was on a fruitless journey for now. Or the kids wanting lunch, and thinking we couldn't heat the leftover spaghetti on Saturday because our microwave was useless without power. Gee, it's then that I realized my hubby is a smart guy. He fired up the gas stove, and they had their lunch!!

We are campers, so going without the shower meant throwing on a cap. Surely the power would be back before bedtime, eh? By evening, we had grilled burgers outside, filled our tummies for the night, and glanced at the couch for another restless sleep. My waterbed had now grown too cool to sleep on, even if I could convince the little ones to go to their beds in the complete darkness that was falling.

Smart husband struck again!! He called a campground 7 minutes away, we hastily packed the kids and jammies, threw together a few nighttime necessities and pulled out of our driveway. Oh the excitment of a spontaneous trip!

And then the power returned to our home. What?? Do we cancel the trip now? Do we waste all this excitment and go back home to a cooling house, normal showers and TV???

We got to the campground moments later, set up in thirty minutes or less, and let the kids run around until darkness solidified. It was nearly midnight before all was calm and quiet, but we were experiencing a quick trip that held the promise of an exciting fathers day weekend.

Being without power seems easier when we were roughing it in a tent years ago. Now that we have the 30 foot travel trailer, why suffer at home when we can float into a powered facility and enjoy most of the comforts of home away from home? We had a wonderful day with our oldest daughter and her husband joining us for a cookout and swim, and last night the kids were all back on normal sleep schedules, ready to start today bright and early.

Hubby had an early morning meeting at work, so the kids and I ate packaged cinnamon rolls at the picnic table. We will start packing up to return home today, another camping memory in our minds.

The Storm that felt annoying, even devastating to some in our area, was over. Many of our friends are still without power today. We were able to share our home with a friend even in our absence. But today we will be back and thankful for all the comforts of home.

I hope we have learned a bit of something from our experience. Like, we can live without a TV and have fun playing....and, morning coffee and warm showers are not everything.

But they sure are nice!

Rest In Peace, Dear Grandma

2010-06-18T06:01:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning to one of "those" calls. The kind that causes the thumping in your heart, the intensity while you try to focus on the words you are listening to.

"Grandma passed away peacefully in her sleep this morning. She passed just like I remember her mother passing when I was a teenager."

Dad left me a message. At 94 years old, and in a frail body whose heart was surrounded by fluids that made her breathing labored and painful, she closed her eyes and met Jesus. Just like that. Due to a form of dementia, she had left us years ago.

Dad assured me he was not grief stricken. Sad, yes. But also so happy for her.

As I look around, I experience a surreal feeling about her passing. We live in the house that her and grandpa built over 70 years ago. Coming from West Virginia, they settled here when Grandpa got a job at the train yards. From all the stories I heard growing up, he worked hard, helped anyone who needed it, and loved to tell a corny joke. Because their youngest daughter and I are less than 2 years apart, we became fast friends in our childhood and I spent many happy years as I grew up right here in this house.

When we bought the house 13 years ago, Grandpa had been gone for years and Grandma was still living on her own, but traded the responsibilities of this property for a small house trailer that was more manageable. She eventually moved to a much smaller apartment in town, just big enough to house her treasures until she finally had to be placed in a care facility. With the house, I inherited Grandpa's wonderful collection of books about World War II, along with the memories of him rocking contentedly next to them as he studied, almost as if he were preparing a great speech for thousands who would hang on every word he uttered. He slowly lost his ability to perform mathematical equations, a sad rekoning for a man who had built every inch of his family home with his own design and strong hands. The books sat silently on the shelf as Grandpa wandered aimlessly down the streets of our town, smiling and happy with the travels he took in his mind, until a neighbor would return him safely back to his home. The home that surrounds my family now.

So much of who he was is reflected in the hand sawed wooden floors I walk on, the walls that shelter us, and the barren property that is lush and grown up now all these years later for my children to thrive on just as I did. He was the first family member I had lost, and I was saddened by the death of a great man. I reasoned that his mind had left us several years before, and he was at peace. But grandma was still with us, so I cherished her in a different way now.

She was strong, loving, part of who I have become as a woman. She was my only grandma, since my mothers parents died before I was born. Grandma and I shared a love for writing, taking words and laying them out to express an idea, or recording an event that was important in our worlds. She wrote for the local news paper years ago, sharing her heart about how difficult it was to be the caregiver for an alzheimers patient, but how willingly she did that for her loving husband until his death. The first article I had published in the local paper, she clipped and saved in a folder that I received after she entered the nursing home. She had saved everything I had written, beginning with silly poems in my childhood, to actual articles that I was asked to cover for local events.

She sent me encouraging notes through the years, urging me to continue writing, expressing my thoughts, even if it were just in a journal that no one else would ever see. She believed in the power of words to comfort, heal and sustain us. She poured over the written words in Scripture, balancing her lifestyle with her own 7 children and setting an example for all of us to follow. One time she spent hours with me, as I tape recorded an interview about her first published work, "That Girl from West Virginia". I realized when I heard the recording years later that our conversation was so much more than an interview, and although I covered the article for our local post, the recording rests among my most treasured earthly items because it contained her giggle, her voice and our love for a craft that I had learned to enjoy as much as she had in her prime.

So now she is gone from my life for good. She was trapped in a mind that failed her many years ago, her body eventually giving over to the years it had supported this wonderful woman, her spirit floating above the earth to join her adored Savior, leaving us to put her to rest for eternity. I envision her wearing a colorful scarf at her neck, large earrings adorning her glowing face, perfectly matched to the heavenly garments that gracefully flows around her. She told me several times that a good pair of black slacks was a necessity in a woman's closet, because they always made you look slimmer. Such a beauty, so understated, a classic lady in whatever she wore. She will be beautiful today in Heaven, wearing all white on her perfect body, a splash of color to set off her eyes and smile.

I am, in large, a part of Grandma. Growing up in the home full of love and prayers, cherishing the times I saw her knelt beside her couch on an early saturday morning, her Bible open before her, hands clasped in prayer, beginning her day with appreciation to the God who created her. My security grew as I came back to live in the peaceful home she loved, a treasure in my life, I have become who I am because of my grandma's faithful prayers.

I have missed her for years. But her memory has lingered, and I think she would be proud of who I have become. Her great encouragements are nestled in a worn folder in my office, written in her beautiful penmanship until the later years when her hands grew weaker, a treasure that I will pass on to one of my children some day.

Even more than the precious pieces of paper I have to look at, Grandma's gentle spirit will remain with me forever. Today I mourn her passing, but continue on the path that will eventually lead me to eternity beside her, praising Jesus and holding each other tightly. I can hear her laughing this morning, basking in HIS glory.

Rest in Peace, Mary Thelma Thompson Meador. You are loved.

Birthday's are Wonderful

2010-06-14T08:22:00.000-07:00

I celebrated my 50th birthday last Friday. It's funny how that number loomed in front of me for months, as if something tremendously devastating would happen when the clock struck midnight!! I must admit, I survived the big 5.0. and the days ahead look promising!

Yesterday my youngest son turned 6, and we are celebrating the birthday today with a water party. He doesn't know it yet, but besides the blow up pool in our back yard, he is also opening a new pool that looks like a whale and blows water at the swimmers from his spout!!

I love parties for 6 year olds. They are happy with so little, and enjoy it all so much. Around here, the kids get to go with me to the local grocery to pick out their birthday cake, their dinner or lunch foods, and get a special prize while we shop. Tommy wanted a football cake, but when I told him the other decorations were TRANSFORMERS, he decided on a white and yellow cake that we can put a real Transformer on top of!! So easily pursuaded!!

On the way to the grocery store, I asked Tom what he wanted to feed his guests. He has 7 cousins and neighbors coming over, along with his 6 siblings. He decided his dad could take his bb gun out and get a deer for lunch. He said that's what they did in the olden days. Well, since Dad had to go to work today, he choose a few different lunch items. Bagel bite pizzas, mini corn dogs, corn on the cob and ice cream in special cups. For a treat when they get hungry, it will be Spiderman fun fruits. A perfect lunch, as far as Tommy is concerned. And then topped off with that awesome Transformer cake!!

Myself, I was thrilled with a chocolate cake, and a special Cookie bouquet from my dear niece. I also had a bit of spoiling all weekend while we camped, and even got to take a saturday afternoon nap!! No noise. No kids. No kidding!!

I think today will be a fun day for the kids, and for me, it's a great feeling knowing once again, we can celebrate another year that is as perfect as a year can get - being a family, and being together forever.

Happy Birthday, Tommy boy!!

Pondering

2010-06-05T07:56:00.000-07:00

I have been pondering a life change lately.
I mean, a totally radical, extremely different type of life change.
I began discussing it with the older children today.

I carefully laid out the ideas that have formed in my heart and mind. I was very surprised at their reactions.

I have no idea if any of these things will ever come about, but it's been challenging my heart. I wanted to share the ideas and see if the teenagers in our family could grasp the things that I have been thinking of.

Without going into details right now, I will just say it's encouraging to my heart that at least one of them is very open to it, and had added her own ideas to it as well. That is exciting to see, because a large part of this idea has formed because I wonder if I am teaching the kids the most important parts of life that I think they need to be learning.

The privileges they enjoy (and sometimes demand) are just that: privileges. But have I conveyed enough with our lifestyle here that they are aware of just how blessed their lives are? Or am I encouraging their selfishness? I fear the latter.

One of the kids is totally negative. What about friends? What about my interests? How will this affect ME?

Call me crazy, but these responses are exactly what I was hoping for. How will this affect me?

Sometimes I think we have gotten so bogged down with "ME" that we have totally forgotten there are others around us, who matter, very much so. But what is important in life? Our things, or who we are to who we meet?

I have a friend who is downsizing their home, their stuff, their jobs, all to make a different impact on this earth. To experience physical life on a smaller scale, to spiritually and mentally grow without the overbearing trappings of the GRAND scale lifestyle. I like that mentality. Doing more, with much less.

How will that fit into our family lifestyle? Is it possible to change what we have become to re-invent who we are that better fits with our overall plan to raise happy, healthy children who will know how to impact their worlds on a positive path?

I don't know all of that yet. But it's really interesting to begin a dialogue that includes all of our ideas and start to formulate what changes we need to make to live the healthiest lifestyle possible.

This is what I am thinking. Thoughts I have formulated over the last few weeks. I wonder just where God is taking us?

A Big Decision

2010-05-31T09:34:00.000-07:00

In light of the recent loss of the baby we were ready to adopt, the subject has come up over the last few weeks about whether we should continue on our original adoption plans from Ethiopia.

It is a subject neither Mike nor I take lightly.

We had spent over a year researching Ethiopia. We spent another year gathering paperwork, filing necessary paperwork, connecting with other adoptive parents and following legal trends and formalities. It was decided that I would travel to pick up the children, hopefully with either my older daughter or a good friend when the time came.

We have invested many hours of training, obtained numerous references, signatures, and have felt God's hand and presence through it all. We were distracted when we had the opportunity to adopt a newborn sibling of one of our children, although we felt it was the right thing to do to put off the Ethiopian adoption long enough to finalize the domestic adoption right in front of us.

Then the domestic adoption fell through. Our hearts were broken, our faith was shaken, and we really wondered what the next step would be. Do we quit the path we were trying so faithfully to walk? Did God change His mind? Did we really even understand what it was that we were suppose to do next?

A sweet friend brought me a small glass jar, with beautiful crystals floating in a clear liquid,with a small token which had baby feet imprinted on it. It was to be a memorial jar for our lost baby Ava, the one that had grown in our hearts but we would never be able to raise in our family. It symbolized the tears that we cry that Jesus tells us He collects for us. Someday those tears will be laid at the feet of the One who called us to care for the orphans. This baby will not be forgotten in our hearts.

I was ready to give up trying again. Friends reminded me of the joys we have with the 10 children we have been graciously given through birth and adoption. We are so grateful. The losses along the way are still painful, so desiring children that can only come through the gift of adoption, we know we are opening ourselves up to possibly suffer another loss. In my heart, I don't think I can suffer anymore.

However, this is a partnership in adoption. Mike, although shaken, did not feel as if all hope was gone. He cried,out from his heart, "What do we do if there is a child in Ethiopia who is waiting for us, but we were too bruised or wounded to make that final step to go get them?" He was not ready to give up hope.

I prayed for peace, asked for hope, and this weekend we decided to step out on faith once again and reopen the process that was nearly complete several months ago. The time is right to begin again, and we will step faithfully over the next few weeks as we tie up lose ends that will allow us to continue the Ethiopian adoption.

As a family, we know God has called us to be faithful to meet the needs of others. We believe we are honoring Him by loving the "least" of these. In our home, we want the focus to be on the little ones that we can love and raise to be a part of an eternal kingdom. It's just what we do.

Thanks to all our family and friends who continue to pray for us. It will not be an easy road, but one that we are happy to be traveling again.

More Camping Tales

2010-05-31T09:04:00.001-07:00

One of the things Nelly loves the most about camping at KOA's is the activities. She picks up a schedule as soon as we pull in to the campground, and she's scouring every line, deciding which of the activities and the appropriate times that we'll do each one. She even knows who will want to go, what the cost will be, and she checks her watch religiously to keep us all on track.

This weekend they missed the scavenger hunt due to swimming with her dad, but they were rewarded with candy at the camp store the next time they went in to purchase ice. I used to worry that our 7 kids would be a burden when we camped, you know, using more than our fair share of water or electricity, or making more of a mess than the average size family. I now realize we also spend much more in the camp store with our several times a day purchases of candy, pop and ice cream, so I think it all evens out.

It's no doubt most campgrounds know we've been there after we leave. Sometimes we are that "HUGE" family of kids, sometimes we are that "NOISY" bunch, and sometimes we are the "PARADE" of bikes throughout the day that others watch when we ride together around the campground. This time we were nearly out of here without making even ONE spectacle!! Until late last night.

Nelly had waited all day for the BINGO games to begin. She knew it was 25 cents a card to play, but she found out in past games, she really could handle 2 cards at once. I think I heard her mention BINGO at least six times yesterday, so I knew she was hoping someone would plan to join her at the Clubhouse. Tara decided she would play too. Not a bad activity for the two of them just before bedtime.

After they were at the Clubhouse for nearly an hour, we decided to go check up on them and make sure all was well. Mere and Bella decided to ride along with us, so we hopped on our bikes for the short treck to where the girls were playing their game. Bella ran towards the door first, because it took Mere and I a bit longer to dismount our bikes. As we headed for the doorway, I spotted Nelly and Tara at a front table, intent on winning their games. Each had 2 BINGO cards, and were looking for slides to flip over that just may make them a winner. The caller was just finishing calling out, "N-39" when Mere realized the game they were playing. She called out "bingo!" as she ran through the doorway towards her sisters, and I realized the whole room stopped and stared in our direction!!

I covered Mere's mouth, said, "Oops!! No one really got a BINGO! She was just excited to see what you were all playing!!" Everyone relaxed, went back to their games, and within moments, Tara was able to yell out, "BINGO!!" and claim her prize.

Nelly, of course, stayed until the end of the game night, but Tara returned to the camper after collecting her prize. That's typical of them both!!

We are pulling out of the campground now, excited that the next trip is just not that far away! Nelly, I am sure, is already dreaming of the possibilities just ahead!! That's my camping girl!!

Thoughts While Camping

2010-05-30T05:32:00.000-07:00

Ahhh, camping.
This is truly one of my favorite places to be. I love the wood fires, the awesome foods we cook on them, and the fresh air.

Right about the time I am so totally frustrated with the teenagers saying, "There's nothing to do!" one of the little ones says something that turns my heart the other way and makes me smile.

Yesterday, Mere' throws her legs over the seat of her "new" bike (the one Tara outgrew this year) begins to pedal away from the campsite, and yells over her shoulder, "Gotta go meet some more people!" This is the shy girl that doesn't take risks, struggles where the others excel, the one who is tucked under my arm in most new situations. "Gotta go." I love that! She is expanding her world, feeling safe and ready to grow.

I watched the 4 youngest kids ride their bikes yesterday. It's amazing how they each approach their rides so differently. Tara,8, is the oldest of the younger four kids. She is a little bit delayed in much of her development, but this year we have seen tremendous growth in her socialization skills, schooling, and overall development. She learned to ride her bike this spring without training wheels, to which we cheered and made a video of her success. Mere tried her best too, but by the time we got to the campground she really needed those training wheels after all.

So, Tara rides off on her bike, wobbly, but determined to get to where she wants to go. She pushes the pedals down with force, eyes on the far off place where her wheels will carry her. She barely watches for who may be in her path, determination on her face. That's how she approaches most of her life.

Mere', at 6, more timidly mounts her bike. She sets her feet to the pedals, almost methodically pushing each foot to the ground, watching her feet the entire time she gets the bike moving in forward motion. She spends alot of time watching the pedaling process, often forgetting to look forward for who or what may be in her way. Once she masters the motion, she gleefully goes toward her goal, singing or humming, or talking to the stuffed animals who are spilling out of her basket. Just like she approaches life.

Tommy,5, however, is in constant motion. He hits the seat of his bike, running, forcing his feet to hit the pedals as they move in a circle, almost trying to catch his feet on the upswing. He pushes fiercely forward, heading for whatever he finds on the way, or in the way. He goes full speed, stopping only to pet a dog, or find a treasure. He brings bugs or sticks back to the campsite, staying just long enough to get a snack or a drink. That's life for him. All fast and furious.

Bella, the baby at 3, is the youngest of our kids to "get" the bike riding down. She got a new bike for her birthday in February, and rode it through the house until the weather was nice enough to take it outside. She jumps on the seat, ready to join the others to where ever they are going. She sings as she pedals, happy as a lark to be mobile and moving. She says, "Wait for me, guys!" But even though they don't wait for her, she tries her best to keep up and find whatever it is that moves them all forward. She rolls into the campsite, singing her adorable made-up song, a collage of melodies that stream through her tiny mind all day long. That's just how she is, day to day. Life, for Bella, is still a happy song.

I guess watching them makes me even more mindful of their differences. The older kids use their bikes to get to specific places, to keep from walking. The younger ones ride for sheer pleasure, enjoying the feel of the wind as they race, and the freedom it gives them, as they explore their world.

I am grateful of their differences. In another place, their differences may not be celebrated. They can be trying, difficult for others to understand. They need medications to keep them functioning at their very best, and they each struggle with different things.

But here, on their bikes, they are just kids. They love the camping, the freedoms of riding, the things they can do on their own that are helping them grow.

There is nothing better than this day.
Ahhhh, camping!

Summer

2010-05-24T13:46:00.000-07:00

I took some wonderful video earlier this afternoon of the 3 youngest. They had filled up an old pool that was in the barn, and they were running, jumping and splashing in the cold water.

Today we saw over 90 degree heat, and the humidity is daunting to me. But as I watched them play and splash and giggle, it made me remember my own childhood of running through the yellow sprinkler, or jumping into the three foot pool. The idea of hot summer days and cool (or cold!!) water just brings a smile to my face.

This summer will mark some interesting times in our family.
The oldest at home, Tyler, is old enough this year for a farm job. He applied for corn detasseling. The only requirement was to be 13. His dad took him to the next town over for the application process, helped him fill out all the employment paperwork and waited while he picked up all the colorful brochures that talk about how much money he will earn this summer!

Just think of all that money!! I have never had a detasseling job, but in this area, there is no lack of stories from people who have.

"Toughest job in the world."
"Best thing for a young man."
"He'll be exhausted."
"Does he have any clue how hard he's gonna work for that money?"

Yeah, I think the same things. Tyler is really wanting to be cool about it, but the main thing is, he has to be reminded to do his daily chores around here, and they are NOTHING compaired to the work this company will expect from his hands!!

He showed me the paperwork when he got home. I said, "Oh, you'll make $7.25 per hour. You will wonder if that's worth it when you are toiling in that hot summer sun!"

He replies, "We'll I read the stuff they gave me, and honestly, it just doesn't look that hard to me."

I told him to file the paperwork somewhere safe, because that is now his responsiblity as a "working man." He said, "You can put it somewhere." Oh, no, it is HIS responsibility. Step one.

My youngest son, Tommy, was playing the Wii today. He said, "I am good at this game. I was born a winner."

I love that approach to life. Born a winner.

And although I believe this could be the toughtest summer that Tyler may possibly ever endure, his attitude at this point is priceless. Sure, it's gonna be really hard. He'll see. But, he is just like his younger brother, brought together in a family that believes you can do anything you set your mind to, if you want it bad enough. Yes, Tyler, you to, were born a winner. I think you will prove to yourself that hard work never hurt anybody, and maybe, just maybe, you'll like that big money even more because you worked so hard for it.

This summer proves to be a hot one. I think the splashing pool and sprinkler is bound to get a good amount of use. But mostly, I think there are two boys in my family that are learning about being winners, and compared to their rough starts in life, that's a very good thing to be.

Loss

2010-05-18T05:29:00.001-07:00

Loss.

I have a beautiful friend who stopped by yesterday. We were discussing LOSS. I have been experiencing a painful loss this week, and I found myself hanging on every one of her words of comfort. She had suffered a great loss 15 years ago, so I know I can share my loss openly with her. She never criticizes or minimizes my feelings, but instead, allows me to share every facet of my pain that I am trying to work through, while she kindly shares her experiences through the years of how to deal with all the stages I will be going through as I explore the depth of my own pain.

I am encouraged to have such dear friends who can walk through the depths with me. I am also accutely aware of other pain that seems to be swallowing people all around me.

The friend who suffers a tragedy with his young daughter.
The friend who had a stillborn child.
The friend who is is working through a difficult relationship.
The friend who is alone.
The friend who's life is made more difficult by illness.
The friend who has recently faced death in his family.
The friend who is going through a life-changing surgery.
The friend who is facing custody battles with their child.
The friend who is dealing with cancer treatments.
The friend who has searched for employment for over a year.
The friend who's son has unexpectedly died.

Pain. Loss. How do they cope?

I can sense so many different stages of grief in each situation. The loss either suffered or upcoming.

I believe I need to focus on Christ. In my life, I know He has always soothed the pain. He is the ultimate in suffering, overcoming evil and despair, the model of grace and perserverance. So what can I learn from Him?

I know I can not handle loss alone. I want to retreat into my pain, away from the loved ones around me. I want to quietly suffer in my dispair, tears falling, agonizing over what I am missing. Feeling alone. But I can not travel this path alone. I need these friends to hold me up, tell me how they survived their pain and loss, all the while assuring me that I can survive too.

I also know that I have to focus on the good in my life. After every loss, no matter how extreme, there is still much good. I am blessed beyond measure with children, a good husband, and friends. I have a comfortable home, many dear friends and plenty to eat. There is sunshine, rainbows and fresh air. I am blessed with family who loves me, and family who surround me with laughter and joy.

I also know I have to allow myself to grieve for the loss I have suffered. I have to allow the tears to flow, cleansing my heart for loving and hoping again. I need to recognize our great loss, without wallowing in the despair, but embracing all that life has for me that is good. I have to believe there are blessings ahead, and hope to be had again.

Loss is hard. Loss can wreck marriages, friendships, businesses, and lives. I do not want to be one of the statistics that are spoken of in hushed tones that point to the devastation. I want to thrive in the new me who has overcome the loss and made a better me in the meanwhile.

I do not claim to understand why. I do not claim to like the place I am in. But I am claiming the promises of Jesus who suffered so much on my behalf. And I am believing that above all else, He loves me more than I will ever realize, and He has a plan even better than I could ever plan for myself.

I don't want the loss I have experienced to define who I am, but as my dear friend assured me, I will be different, but the difference will be OK. The new me will be OK.

Yes, thank God, I will be OK.

Speechless.

2010-05-17T08:20:00.000-07:00

There are days that leave me totally speechless.

Last week I took my niece to pick up two puppies from a rescue organization. She has wanted shepherd mix puppies for quite some time now, and the 3 hour round trip drive seemed like a good time with 2 nieces, their 5 children and my 3 youngest. We planned fast food lunch, and snacks on the way back if the kids could all play nice together.

Other than needing to use the little potty or finding a corn field for the boys, the trip down was eventless. Until we got to the puppy farm.

I told myself for days that I sure wouldn't get a puppy again. I mean, this trip for me was just a way to spend time with my nieces and their kids. A road trip. Been there, done that. 7 kids at home already, who needed a puppy?

Evidently, I did. As we were leaving I told the lady in charge of the operation that if she had a kitten, I wouldn't be able to leave with out one, but shepherd puppies were simply too big for my life. We have our 3 year old char pei, yellow lab mix, Baby Butterscotch, who is a real honey and a great watch dog to boot. She is completely house broken, protective of my kids, and never a bother. I don't like puppies.

But then she showed me her "other" pups. Oh, I should never have walked behind her house to the kennels! There were so many puppies of all types, and one certain puppy hung back with his head tilted just so, his dark eyes begging me to say "No."
I couldn't stand it!! The owner asked me if my husband liked puppies, or did I live in a house that was not appropriate for dogs? I explained our home, which really had nothing to do with my disdain of puppies.

Then the imploring fellow who stayed politely at the back of the crowd was lifted over the fence, into my arms, and all I could think of was how very much I LOVED puppies, wanted one, and how happy Mike would be to get this particular sweetie for his 50th birthday on the 29th.

Sold.

I had my niece waiting in the car with her puppies, already to go home, while I finished the transaction. Seems he gets his soft ears and wavy hair from the Cocker Spanial in his bloodline. His tail is cropped, and he has the most adorable white streak right between his tiny eyes, and a tuft of white fur on his chest. He is seven weeks of baby energy and just the transfer from his kennel to our car caused him to sleep almost the entire hour and 1/2 ride home. My niece took his photo, posted it to Mike's email, with a sappy note of birthday wishes from his loving wife (me). I knew he'd be as hooked as me once he saw this precious little critter.

Unfortunately, the 7 children take so much time with the baby dog that there is rarely any time left for Mike to do any significant bonding with his birthday pet. Except throughout the night.

It seems the box I choose for him to sleep in is not even a slight challenge for Pup to remove himself from. And he really prefers sleeping in the crook of Mike's arm, or between us, or on the pillow with his tiny head on Mike's shoulder.

Another one of my nieces, Ali, told us she had a puppy that was so adorable and tiny that she slept on her chest. There only problem is, the puppy grew into a 65 pound dog who still wants to sleep like that. Oops!!

So, forget creating bad habits, Mike continues to bring the puppy to bed with us, and the puppy is great at waking him up to take him outside. There are few accidents if he goes out every 2 hours. There is also very little sleep on the other side of my bed going on since puppy joined our nighttime routine.

Ah, the joys of puppies. Oh, and I found a gray and white fluffball kitten, the same age as the puppy. I asked Mike if I could get it, and since he could hardly refuse after the wonderful gift I had just gotten for him, I now am the proud mamma to a 7 week old kitten, with claws and sharp teeth, and a purr too big for his body, whom I named Martin.

Mike chose the name CARL for his miniature shadow, and I believe he will definately become this mans' best friend. I remain a cat person, but I can't stand to see this tiny dog all alone while Mike's at work. I know what you are thinking, but when I am holding and playing with the puppy while Mike is gone, it's really just because I don't want to see him lonely. After all, I really don't even like dogs.....

I guess in this case you could say I am speechless...and hopelessly in love with the two babies who joined our household last week.

My First Son

2010-05-09T07:29:00.000-07:00

Today is Mother's Day, the Nationally recognized day to honor our mothers. People are celebrating all over the U.S., and in our home, Mike has always made it a full day event.

When I think of the events that made me a mother, I travel back in time to my first set of children, and the powerful feeling I experienced becoming a first time mom.

Throughout my entire first pregnancy, I referred to the baby as our "Chad Michael." The first born in both of our families were both boys, so I figured our first born would be also. When Ashleigh was born, we immediately forgot about our thoughts of a boy. The next pregnancy brought us another wonderful little girl, so our third pregnancy would not have surprised me if I was, again, carrying another girl.

Around the 5th month, an ultrasound revealed, to our surprise and joy, a baby boy was growing and thriving in my womb. We immediately determined he would follow in daddy's footsteps and we would name him after his dad. We were to have a "Junior" in the house, but we would call him by his middle name so there would never be any confusion about who we were talking about.

We called him "Scotty" from the moment of that first ultrasound. Our much anticipated Son took center stage as we decorated a boy's room, bought blue outfits and prepared for his birth. It was some of the most exciting days of our lives - a boy!!

During my pregnancy there were very few issues, but the last week prior to his delivery was full of problems. My blood pressure teetered on the edge of dangerous, and baby's heart rate fluctuated enough that, in those days, the doctor considered me high risk. We were blessed to have my mom come stay with us in Tennessee during this time, and I remember moving painfully from chair to couch to bed the entire week. I was miserable.

Finally, doc decides to deliver. March 14, 1986. My water was broken, and labor began. Mom was at home with the girls, who were then 4 and 2. Everything seemed to be running smoothly, when baby's rate dropped, and doctor didn't leave my side. As soon as the doctor thought we could try delivery, my epidural had kicked in, giving me sweet relief from the pain. After delivering both girls naturally, I knew the process would be painful, but this time I was having a hard time focusing on the end result, so the epidural was a huge bonus.

I remember the relief I sensed when the doctor saw the crowning of baby's head, but then the fear I sensed invading the room within minutes. The cord was pulling tight against the baby's neck, making his delivery frightening. After what seemed like a very long time, the forceps brought Scotty into the world, blue, and not breathing. We were holding our breath when we heard the first cry, and realized, we just had a baby boy! Although he was bruised and slight color slowly infused his cheeks, he was finally here and we were blessed. He looked just like the girls, on first sight, then the nurses whisked him away to the nursery where he could get life-sustaining oxygen and his apgar scores could be recalculated.

Many other thoughts crowd my mind of that time, but I jump forward to today. Scott is a man, father of three, married to a great gal. He is nearing the end of his career in the Coast Guard, making plans that will take his family into the next stage of life. Although he lives over 700 miles from us, he has a strong presence in our lives even now. He is a firefighter, plays guitar in his church worship band, is a creative dad and wonderful husband. He works hard to make a good life for his family, and he is pursuing an online college degree to secure his future.

Sometimes I think he took on an awful lot at an early age. But what he has accomplished is far beyond what some men will never do. He is kind, considerate, and extremely funny. He is sensitive to the needs of others, and he looks for ways to help out. He makes friends easily, and his laughter brings laughs out of others. He is compassionate, dedicated and loyal. I have no doubt all of these things will just continue to deepen and ripen as he ages, and I am so proud of all he has accomplished so far.

He doesn't like me to brag on his accomplishments, but when he earns an award for something he's done with the Coast Guard, I say, with pride, "That's my boy!!" When he comes up with a new song he's written, or one of his boys calls me with something funny to share, I know it's in part because of the father he is and I swell with pride.

He grew so tall over the years, and he's strong and handsome. He's a great example for my younger boys to follow and he's a man that I am never afraid to lift up to them. He's become so much more to me than the baby boy I longed for. He's now a man, with a bright future, and a precious past I am fortunate to be a part of.

Scott, I miss you being in my day to day world, but your life is a beautiful picture to me of selfless contribution to family, friends and your community. I miss you and love you. I am so glad that God chose me to be your mom. Thanks for contributing to my life and making me a stronger, better mother. With all my love, Mom.

Those Dreadful Catepillars

2010-05-08T07:22:00.001-07:00

I don't know about your area, but our area is being overcome right now by those tree eating, wiggly, furry catepillars. They build ugly white, filmy tent houses and destroy my flowering bushes. I hate them.

My children, however, love them. They name them, pet them, and build fabulous houses for them out of boxes and sticks. They beg to bring them into the house at night, and they carry them around as if they were kittens. They want me to fall in love with their striped, furry bags, their tiny black legs, and their beady little eyes. Oh, ok, they are kinda cute, but I still hate the destruction they create.

I saw my neighbor cutting branches out of his beautiful maple tree last week. I shouted for him to be careful on the ladder, and he commented on how many caterpillars we seem to have this year. He was clearly trying to save his tree. I wish him luck, but I am not exactly sure how successful he will be this year.

So, on our weekly scrap day this past week, my great nieces and my youngest daughter were carrying these critters around in plastic boxes. Of course, like every great treasure, each one wanted the boxes of caterpillars that the other one was carrying. Two boxes of wiggly worms were not enough, evidently.

We broke up numerous squabbles between the kids, and I even told them if they didn't play nicely together with each other, I will stomp their little heads off (the bugs, not the children).

The final axe fell when Macy, the cutest two year old in my world, came in to complain about her cousin.

"Macy, what is wrong?" her momma asked.

"Bella took my cattapissers!" Macy cried.

Oh, we couldn't help but laugh. Yes, Macy, I agree, because my new name for these dreadful critters is now the DREADED CATTAPISSERS!

I hope they are not destroying your trees right now.

How Big is God?

2010-05-07T15:38:00.000-07:00

"Mom, is God a King?"

We were coming home from dinner at a fast food joint, in the pouring rain, and I just wanted to get home and into my comfy jammies for the night.

"Yes, Mere', God is the King of Kings."

"Tommy said God is not a King."

Tommy jumped in, "I know God is alive, and I believe in Jesus, but I just don't think God is old enough to be a King."

Such heavy conversation from two kindergarteners. I really just wanted to get home.

"Yes, Tom. Even if you don't believe it, God is the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords. The Bible tells us about how big God is."

"But, I don't know how old God is. Is He old enough to be a King? Is he older than Grampa or Grandma?"

I wasn't sure which grandma he was talking about, but I replied, "Yes, Tom, God is bigger and older than grampa and gramma. God has always been here, and is the biggest of anyone we know!"

The conversation was not over yet. "So, is God older, even older than dad?"

Oh yes, God is even older than dad. As I began to answer that one, he turns to his six siblings in the back of the van, and says, "Hey, mom says God is older than grandpa and grandma, and even older than DAD!!"

If only life's lessons could all be so easy to grasp with just a little bit of belief and a whole lot of conversation to help me understand them all.

Yes, God is older, bigger and more powerful than I give HIM credit for. And that is an answer I just can never waiver on. My God is a BIG, OLD GOD!! Oh, yeah!!!

Thanks, kids, for the uplifting discussion. It never hurts to cover the basics, does it?

Jennifer

2010-05-06T06:15:00.000-07:00

Jenni is my second daughter, who just turned 26 in November. It's funny that no matter how hard I try, I constantly refer to her at the wrong age.

One year when she was only 20, I added 21 candles to her cake. That's an age that young adults never want to get wrong since it's the "coming of age" birthday. But in so many ways, Jenni always seemed older to me than her actual chronological age.

When Jen was really young, serious migraines defined her life. We saw so many doctors, therapists, and specialists trying to locate the reason for the pain that plagued her. She endured so much poking, prodding and questioning most of her young life, that it makes me think her desire to become a nurse is probably the result of all the things she was exposed to from so early on. Some of the worst memories of her childhood, for me, was having to give her injections for her migraines when she was already in such pain.

Jenni has always been creative, in spite of her pain. She was not a complainer. Around 10 years old, Mike rushed her to the medical center for a large cut just below her thumb. As the doctor stitched her up, he questioned her dad about how she had gotten a cut like that. He was astonished that we allowed her to use an X-acto knife, and was discussing safety issues.

Doctor: "Why were you using a knife, Jennifer?"
Jenni: "I was building a doll house."
Doctor: "That is probably not a good thing for someone your age to be doing, especially with a knife."
Jenni: "I've been using craft knives for a long time. It's the 3rd dollhouse I've built."
Doctor: "Oh."

That has always been her personality. Making things gave her satisfaction and joy, and she still makes a huge majority of her own clothing. She also has made stunning art by combining pieces of magazine pictures,or dried flowers. She just has an eye for that. She also has books of drawings (all three of my kids can draw - that's a trait they get from their dad's side of the family!) that are beautiful. She beads, and just recently taught me some of that skill. I think Jenni can take anything and make something out of it.

Jen has also been my adventurer. She was the first to leave the area when she moved to Alabama for a year, so I should not have been shocked when she married and moved to Oregon. I don't know what I would do if there were not cell phones, email or airlines!! The cost to fly home is tremendous for her, but she never complains. She looks for ways to make it home twice each year, and tells me that it's just part of being the one who moved away.

For a while her days off were on Fridays, so I looked forward to a call each week. We missed each other for 2 weeks, and when we finally connected, it seemed like so much time had passed. I really miss being able to know her day to day thoughts, feelings, or current projects she is working on. I wish we could go to the Farmers Market together on the weekends, or run to the fabric store when the whim hit us. I would love to have her come over for a Chili dinner and stick around for a cheesy movie. I would love to have her and Ash run around to garage sales with me on Saturday mornings. I would love it if she lived closer.

Life is like that, though. We love our kids, teach them to be responsible and prepare them for life, then send them off into the world. Some parents have a hard time letting go (I don't want to!!)but I don't want to cripple them. They need to explore, see their own adventures and build their own worlds. I am proud of who Jenni has become, and as much as I wish she were here, I am thankful on this busy planet that she still maintains such great contact with us. She has made friendships and formed a lifestyle that suits her personality. She makes me proud.

So, two days before Mother's Day, I am not only thankful for Ashleigh who made me a mom for the first time, but I am also grateful for the second daughter that God blessed us with. Jennifer, you make me smile just thinking of how far you have come and how well you have gotten to this point in your life.

Jenni, If you ever want to move back here, I will enjoy it immensely. While you are away, know that I cherish our conversations, and I can not think of anyone else who has kids just as wonderful as mine. You made me a better mom when you entered my world. I love you.

My First Born

2010-05-05T12:43:00.001-07:00

One of the things that makes me extremely happy is that my oldest daughter lives just a few miles away from us. It's not that I love her any more than the others, but since they live so far away (one on the west coast, one on the east), I get excited about seeing them for vacations and special events, and miss them terribly, but my oldest daughter is here all the time, and I love that.

She is the one who has stepped up to say, "I am here" if anything happens that we can not raise our little ones to adulthood. Our other daughter and son would make sure everyone is safe too, but it's comforting to know that the oldest one is here, learning to understand each of the kids and their quirks, along with seeing the day to day struggle that some of the kids bring into the picture.

Don't read this wrong. I feel tremendous support from all three of our grown kids, and I am very, very proud of the things they are doing in their own families. I have NO doubt that when the chips are down, they are pulling for us, comforting us over the miles through phone calls, emails and cards. We never walk alone in this family. They all pray for us, support us, and love us. We are grateful. It's just that their life walks took them out of town, and our oldest daughter's walk is, at least for the moment, here.

But because our oldest daughter is here, I think we have a tendency to understate her importance in our lives.

I appreciate it when she comes to help me clean. ALOT.

I love the fact that she is not the hoarder and pack rat I tend to be, and she's not afraid to tell me when something needs to go.

I am grateful that she has grown to understand my intensity, and that she knows when I am near tears, all she has to do is hug me and tell me it will all work out. Together.

I like it that she is opinionated, and a strong woman. But she is also tender, gentle and caring. She has taken us by surprise with her love of animals, a simple farm life, and her career choice in caring for others. That extends from years in nursing home care, but it's also choices she has made to give so much of herself to loving people that sometimes she experiences deep hurt.

She can fix nearly anything, and I believe there is no project that she won't at least try to tackle. She works on fences, cars, construction, art, sewing, mending and puzzles. She helps put people back together, too. She mothers her small flock of ducks and chickens, tenderly, as a momma loves her child. She is sensitive. She loves to talk politics. She would rather read in her garden bench or dig in the dirt than shop at a mall. She prefers a cold beer to a diet coke. She makes no excuses for the way she lives her life, and she constantly strives to make her life the best she can be. She is not caught up in material things, but has a beautiful house that she proudly fills with her style of creations from the earth.

She cares for her younger siblings, and even asks to spend time with the ones who may just need a little less mothering, and a whole lot more big-sistering. The littlest ones here can think of no other place they would rather be than at her house. I love that.

I am grateful that she has taken time to help with Girl Scouts, show up at science fairs, and comes to birthday parties even when she gets a last minute notice.

I am thankful that she keeps my bathrooms clean, empties my trash cans and finds numerous ways to make life easier for me.

She's beautiful, fun loving and continues to value growing. Whether it's her mind, her garden or her ability to take on a new project.

I tend to take her for granted, and I am reminded each time I am with her that the reason I do is because she requires nothing from us. She is not demanding, but welcomes us when we pull into her driveway. She asks for advice, but lives within her budget and her abilities to make it on her own. She is proud of her achievements, but never boasts of all she accomplishes.

I see other people who are not as lucky as us to have such a wonderful daughter. Another day I will write about the other wonderful children we have been blessed with, but today, I just wanted to say how very much I appreciate my oldest daughter, and how very glad I am to be her mom.

She never reads my blog, but I hope I can do better at letting her know just how very wonderful she is. I am proud of the daughter that first made me a mom. I love you, Ashleigh.

Life

2010-05-02T18:34:00.000-07:00

It's been a trying week emotionally. There have been some wonderful moments in each day, but for most of the days, there has been a sadness, an awareness of life changes, and sometimes a little bit of righteous anger, even.

Last Sunday night at this time I was returning from the Emergency Room. I sat for 6 hours with my father, my brother and sister-in-law, as doctors tried their best to determine what was wrong with my mother. Mom was weak, feverish, and very confused. We had been seeing some disturbing things going on with her thinking lately, and noticed her decision-making skills were a bit skewed. It culminated in this trip to the hospital, which later she confided to us that she was not really even sure how she had gotten there.

She had a wide-eyed stare, or a blank and sleepy countenance. She was definately struggling with an infection, but the disconserting part was her inability to focus on simple questions, like her height or her birth date.

Fast forward to a few days later. She's released from the hospital, fever is down, and the antibiotics seem to be working to clear up her illness. Those were blessings. The hard part now, is realizing her mental state still fogs up on a regular basis, and her reasoning ability is much slower. She is compliant, and allows us to help her with basic care, but it shouldn't be this way.

Mom is 72. She used to be fiesty, fun, dark headed and stubborn. She's shakey, weak, and we had to cut her thick curls so she could manage combing through her own hair. My niece is a nurse, and has been great this week at helping mom bathe, sort her medications, get her to eat, and help her change her clothes. My oldest daughter has been cleaning for mom and dad, clearing out some of the things that they don't need in their way, and helping them make sense out of their schedules of doctoring appointments.

I just wonder, where did my parents go? They can not be these people who are depending on us to help them get through their days. Their home is beginning to look like OLD people live there, and I resent it.

I wish my kids would have known them when they were younger. My dad, who built his own home, can work any math problem perfectly and can tie a bolen knot that will never slip. My mom, who loved having people stop by, told jokes from the Reader's Digest magazine, and could make pork chops that my husband would die for!! The dark headed, fun-loving couple who square danced on the weekends, and offered tea and coffee for visitors as soon as they walked in their door way. The man who could fix anything, and did, or the woman who loved any baby she could get her hands on.

Where are the real parents who I grew up with? When did they disappear, and in their place, these dependant, old folks who only slightly resemble the people I knew, appear? Their dark hairs have gone white, their stamina gone.

I realize we are growing older every day, I was just not sure when this obvious change really happened to them. I saw them slowing down, I saw their health issues take some of their life exuberance away, and I know each illness put them deeper into the "older folks" category. But now when I trudge up their stairway, I see remnants of who they were, and I worry that who they used to be will be lost forever to the younger generation.

My front door is always open, because I learned that from my mom. I love having friends and family around. I embrace it. That's my mom.

I think any project at home is doable, like tearing a wall down and expanding our living space, because I grew up that way. I think men should fix their own cars, change their own oil, make money to support their families, because I saw my dad do that.

I never knew my maternal grandparents, because they were gone by the time I was born. But I loved my paternal grandparents because my parents taught me the value of family and relationships. I knew you could live without alot of things, but family would always be there for you. I learned that from my folks.

I guess my anger came in this week when I realized our roles are reversed. I will be taking more time to care for my folks from now on, and I see them in a different way. Their lights are waning and I dont' like knowing that my younger kids will never know them the way I do. There's a dignity to their life that will be diminished as they are forced to accept more daily care. And I resent that.

I will never resent caring for them. I am glad to do it. I just hope that some of the good I learned from them will be passed on to my children through the way I live my life.

Because my folks are good people. I have learned so much from them. I just hate it that they had to grow old before it seemed fair.

You need them, when????

2010-04-27T13:01:00.000-07:00

Today my 11 year old comes home from school, shows me a picture in her history book of Colonial days, and says, "Mom, we need to make one or two of these dresses for school."

What?

"Just one or two, my teacher said. Some kids are making posters. I told her you could sew two dresses."

After I picked my bottom lip off the livingroom floor, I tried to make sense of what she was asking. After all, I am somewhat creative, even if I am not a seamstress.
And, if there is enough time, perhaps I can get my mother in law (who is an excellent seamstress)to make them.

"Well, they are not due until May 3rd."

Oh, really? That gives me less than a week?

Why do kids do this? Here is my ideas on the subject:

I am so creative, my daughters think I can do anything.
I am so fast, they think creating a couple of period dresses would be no big deal.
I am so willing to help them succeed at school, I am not afraid of going overboard on a difficult project.
I never need sleep.
I have nothing else to do.
My house is spotless.
The dishes are done.
The dinner I am making for tonights birthday party for a friend is nearly done.
I have no other interests but theirs.
My sewing room is stocked with all the lace and silk needed to make a dress.
I have a hard time saying no.
I hate to let anyone down.
I usually get things done that have to be done.
I do not need to frost the carrot cake in the oven.
I can easily get their help straightening the house before dinner.
There is nothing I would rather do than what they suggest.

Being a mom has many privileges. I tell people I don't want anyone messing with the deal I've got!! And I do like to help them when I can. But, less than a week, with my already jam-packed life, to create two colonial dresses.....ugh!

So, I asked one more question.
What size do they need to be?

"They need to fit my BRATZ doll."
Oh.

So, as the wheels turned, another thought occurred to me. Would the shelf size china dolls that used to be part of my old doll collection work? I mean, they look colonial, even though they are a bit smaller than her doll of choice.

She was ecstatic. Yep. Perfect.
"I think those will work, mom!!"

As she put them in her back pack for tomorrow, I realized maybe all the other things I mentioned were not even slightly a part of what she was thinking. She had something she needed, she had confidence that I would help her come up with a solution, and she had volunteered me because, well, I'm her mom! It's just another part of what moms do!

Whew...I still have time to frost that birthday cake after all!!

A Date

2010-04-24T08:05:00.000-07:00

I am really excited that my husband and I am going on a real date tonight!

This is a real treat. Since we have 7 kids at home, getting away typically means either I am home with the kids, or he is home with the kids. It's just the easiest way to maintain a little bit of "me" time in the midst of so much "them" time.

The last time we were out without children in tow, we were sitting in the hospital waiting room all day, focusing on his fathers heart surgery. That was not my idea of a date. And I am sure his father would have rather we were out on the town instead of waiting to hear the surgeons recap of the day's events. (thankfully, the surgery was successful, and he's still on the road to recovery.)

I have learned that getting out a night or two in a weeks time makes me a much better mom, and more prepared to deal with the usual 24/7 of parenting. Mike's job gets him out daily, and he has a few service opportunities that he enjoys being involved in, so that has really been a fairly good solution to parenting a large family.

But tonight we get "us" time. It's a rare treat. We tell our sitters we don't mind paying them well for staying, and we try to make it worth their while. Our biggest problem with that is, simply, it's hard to find sitters who can handle 7 kids at one time. Hard, because it's really too much responsibility for even the best teenage sitter, and hard, also, because we have a young teen in our home that resents having a sitter.

And night times can be stressful here. Between medications for behaviour wearing off near dinner time, and nighttime medications not kicking in until bedtime, there are a few difficult hours in there that even we, who are much more accustomed to the issues, shudder at. It's that 5 to 7 night time "meltdown" phase around here.

So, my niece, a mother of three and familiar with our kids, has accepted the challenge tonight. I started praying this week for a sitter, and although she may not realize she is a direct answer to our prayers, she is allowing us some breathing time and couple time that we couldn't have without her. It's a huge blessing, to which we are very grateful.

I will have the meal ready for them when she gets here, (spaghetti usually works best!) and they will have their pajama's ready to jump into. They can watch a movie, eat popcorn in the livingroom, or read books in their comfy places. But when I walk out the door tonight to spend time with the most important person in the world to me, I can leave with the assurance the kids will be well cared for, safe, and perfectly fine in my absence. What a gift to us!

I think the night out for us includes a nice dinner somewhere, then landing for several hours after that at our local booksellers for some quiet reflection and reading time. We usually enjoy a late night coffee, and if we don't eat too much at dinner, a nice dessert to go with it. Usually we get so relaxed that we have been known to doze in an armchair with our feet up, a good book in our laps, side by side as people mill around us. It's a great feeling to know I will be with my best friend, reconnecting again, without any interuptions of little voices, sticky hands or minor squabbles.

It's funny, but after a couple hours together, both of us are ready to get back at it all again. We come home refreshed, and ready for the next round.

Here's to Date Night. Here's to Us!! Here's to a wonderful sitter! Here's to the promise of a great night out!

A serious blog: Intense content

2010-04-22T20:44:00.000-07:00

I was told this week that my blog only records the good things in life.
I don't tell the whole story.

I was not sure how to answer that at the time. So I pondered the question and decided to put it to ink.

I am usually an upbeat person. I typically like to see the good in life, in people, in situations. Granted, not all days have those "good" spots, and sometimes life is just plain hard.

Sometimes the pain of what I go through makes no sense to me. Although I know God always has a plan and purpose for my life, I am sure I miss out on some of what He wants to do for me because I have my own agenda.

When my teenage son shows signs of anger, resentment or personal pain from his own boatload of past family (or lack thereof) baggage, I can't usually put it to words. How I feel for his pain. How lost he must feel. Or how inept it seems at times to try to parent a child who came to be mine because of a system that must often break family ties and create new ones for safety's sake. There are often no words to describe the struggle, the anquish, the resentment. How do I write about something where there are no words to describe what we are going through?

When my nearly-teen daughter struggles with her self image in a very self-conscious world, how can I put the most personal of our feelings in a format that anyone can read should they log onto my site? Is it fair to her to expose what she is going through, that surely will pass as she crosses into adulthood, because I needed to put my own words for her insecurities on paper?

When my 11 year old is wondering who she looks like the most - me, or her birth mom - is it something that I can discuss,with prying eyes, her most vulnerable feelings of acceptance into a family who, try as we might, she never will really "look" like one of us?

Or what about the 8 year old that still whines excessively, fantasizes about what her "real" mom did with her and all the fabulous places they went to as a family "before she came here," and the struggles she will have for the rest of her life in social situations, all because her birthmom thought alcohol was more important during her pregnancy than the life she had forming in her belly? How can I kindly write about something that angers me still?

When I discuss the fun that the little ones bring into our life, it's not without realizing the good days outweigh the difficult ones. Are their still difficult days? Oh, yeah. Without a doubt. When the 6 year old, who entered this world 13 weeks early as an extreme preemie, still cries with belly aches because of the issues caused due to her birthmom's drug crazed lifestyle as she carried her, and the scars she will carry for life that saved her, but also left her with pain because at less than 2 pounds, she had more than half of her small intestine removed. Bowel issues, anyone? How can I talk about that part of our day?

When we try to put the 5 year old to sleep, once again, with the aid of adult sleeping medication, because his parents regarded drugs and alcohol more important than a growing fetus, and blessed our son with issues that may cause him to NEVER sleep on his own, would anyone really believe (or care) what a night like that is like in this home? As he's a bundle of inconsistencies in behavior, and we politely turn down advice on the best way to "make him mind", we know on a moment to moment basis that his life could possibly be the toughest one we'll ever walk, but through no fault of his own, he faces challenges that most of us will never face just getting through each day. Who wants to read that blog?

Having a relationship with one of the smartest, sweetest toddlers in this world, who would care that she's been through so many different therapies to get to where she is today, and if I discussed it all, would anyone realize what a precious gem was hidden under her drug-infused tiny life, or would I sound like I was having a pity party for all I have done, and wanting sympathy for myself? Would a reader see how grateful I am for the lives entrusted to us, or would it be a redundant tale of doctor visits, therapy, counselors and pain?

So, to my friend who suggested I only write about the "good" things in life, I just have to say, if I spent too much time on the "real" part of my day, neither of us would come away from it enriched or blessed.

Life is hard for everyone. It's easiest for me to count my blessings, thank God for the good things, and try my best to focus on the ways I hope to make a difference in this world.

Yeah, I am not the best at reality. But I love the life God's given me, and if I choose to ignore the pain and count my blessings, maybe it's because that's the part of me I hope to share. Everyone has enough pain of their own. It's their choice if they want to write about it.

It's my choice to write about the best parts of my life. I hope it helps you focus on the best parts of yours, too.

Another day, another laugh

2010-04-22T20:28:00.001-07:00

We had our weekly scrapping date today, which meant there were 8 children, 6 years old and under, including one infant, and one neighbor boy, playing together for hours.

It is getting less difficult for them to "get their groove" and for the most part, they are learning to play together nicely. The better weather helps alot too, since for the most part, the kids can play outside in the fenced back yard.

Today, a few squabbles had the kids running in and out, "reporting" who hurt who, why they did it, or what they thought we should do about it!

At one point, we noticed they were playing rather quietly, when I realized the back door had been shut. Once I opened the door, we were able to hear all the noise again. Shortly after the noise resumed, one child came running in with the announcement, "Matt tied Nila up with a bungie cord!!" Well, they were both laughing, but we took the bungie cord away. Solved.

A few minutes later, Bella had scratched Macy, although it sounded more like she had clawed her eyes out at first. Bandages, anyone??

My favorite phrase of the day, however, was when Tommy came barreling through the back door, nearly panicked and spurted out, "Mom!! Mere said the 'E' word!!" He was indignant.

The adults looked puzzled, and I know I heard one of them say, "What in the heck is the 'E' word...?" Before we could ponder that, Tommy finished his sentence with,
"She said IDIOT!!"

Well, he is only 5, after all.

Baths done, children falling asleep in their warm beds, cousins sleeping soundly on the couches or bouncing off the walls, (Macy, who never stops bouncing...), dark settling in comfortably while we finish our scrapping day - all told, another successful day of recalling memories while making new ones.

These are the days I love the most.

Grandsons

2010-04-18T11:00:00.000-07:00

I had a smile on my face most of yesterday afternoon.
I had been on a 3 day binge of scrapbooking, while Mike did his best to keep the home fires burning. When he was home after work, he was cooking, cleaning, and trying to keep the kids away from all my scrapping materials.

The phone rang, and I immediately noticed the lift in Mike's voice. It was our oldest grandson, Kaiden, calling. I could tell he and Mike were having a wonderful conversation.

After a short time, Mike was laughing so hard at the things Kaid was saying that he even started wheezing!! It was the total, out of control, belly laugh going on. Once I got the phone from him so I could hear Kaid's voice, Kaid was still chuckling. I told him the things he was saying to PaPa was making him laugh so very hard that I called it his "belly laugh." Kaid said, "I know. When papa laughs it sounds like this: HOOhOOhahaha (really deep mimicking!) But when I laugh it sounds like this: hahahahahaha." His imitation of them both was so funny, it made me laugh like crazy too.

We love that boy!! Mike was asking him for an update on how his brothers were. Well, Keegan was still coughing, but doing good, and Keane was smiling and a happy baby. It was a nice summary of the grandsons coming from his wonderful 4 year old perspective.

But the thing that we will remember most is his final words just before he hung up the phone.

"Next time I call I will make papa laugh again really hard. Because that makes me laugh too!"

Is there anything better in life than adorable grandsons?

Play Dates and Nights Out

2010-04-14T05:05:00.000-07:00

I have had so much fun lately going out with my nieces. Since they are the ages of my older kids, their children (my great nieces and nephews)are wonderful playmates to my youngest kids. Plus, the kids are so funny that we spend alot of time laughing.

Last week we had a cousins playdate and sleepover. That meant we had 16 people in the house for 24 hours, the majority of them under 8 years old!! It was fun. The adults (minus my husband) worked on our scrapbooks, but the children played, ate, played more and ate more. Sometimes they can stay so busy playing outside, but usually when we are scrapping they have more trouble being away from us! (wink!)

So, we got some scrapping done, but mostly we had fun. The night before our playdate/sleepover, the 3 of us ladies visited a new scrapbook supply store for the first time. It's one of those obsessions I found I can not live without. I TRY to be smart about the money I spend, and am learning to focus on photos that I already have printed out, but sometimes there is paper or stickers or some other type embellishment that just knocks me down and I HAVE to get it! I even find myself daydreaming about page layouts and title pages!

We shopped, ate dinner out and laughed until we cried. We came back to my house, still giddy but tired just before midnight, and planning for our scrapping/playdate/sleepover the next day. As soon as I walked into the diningroom, where my husband and daughter were sitting, I noticed it. First, I should tell you, my husband and I always compete with "how bad the kids were while you were gone," or "it didn't happen on my watch!" anytime we are in charge of the kids while the other is out.

This night, it was his watch. Bella, the 3 year old, had cut her hair. Off. Almost the whole left side. And also chunks throughout. Now, she had snipped bits of her hair in times past, and just the week before had pulled out a hunk of her little cousin's curls (on as-ki-dent, of course). We saved the curls for her scrapbook even. I ran my hand through the back of Bella's hair, and said, "Oh my, what did you do?" as a handful of hair came off as the words came out of my mouth.

Mike, without really even trying to defend himself, simply stated: "She found scissors and the next thing I knew...." Yep. She still had a few piles of the remains of her long locks on the floor of the mudroom. Next to the rabbit cage. Oh no, even the poor bunny had a trim. To his whiskers. Long enough to have missed his face, but short enough to frustrate the bejeebers out of him!!

What could I do? The main thing was getting her to bed, since it was so late anyway. The next thing was to get through our cousin's event, which would give me time to formulate a plan of action on the best way to proceed. My delicate baby girl looked like a teen punk rocker. Not quite the look I was going for...

It's ironic that her gramma and I were just discussing her long hair, especially pretty since she stayed almost bald for her entire first year. I was thinking we were in need of a trim, since her bangs were finally growing in from her last scissor excursion. But gramma had just said, "It's so pretty, you should keep it growing long." Yeah, right. Bella had another plan.

Actually, she probably didn't have a plan. Just scissors and a few moments alone.

On Friday morning, a really nice hair stylist repaired it as much as she could, giving her a short, layered cut that frames her face. In all truth, it's adorable. I had never considered cutting it this length, but since the deed was done, it looks really sweet and cute on her face. And the stylist did a great job with what we brought her!

So, playdates, scrapping, sleepovers. You never know what to expect around here. We find fun whenever and however we can.

And, I got a really nice hunk of hair for Bella's scrapbook too!!